


Secrets Can Hurt

by Aulophobia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baking, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Harry, Secret Relationship, Therapy, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:09:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aulophobia/pseuds/Aulophobia
Summary: Harry is injured on duty and spends nearly two weeks in St Mungo's.  The secret nature of his relationship means that his partners were not able to be with him in the hospital, or even recieve news of how he's doing, other than the press reports.  He rushes home as soon as he can but unfortunately Harry forgets that he has friends that care and worry for him as well, and things start spiralling out of control.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter/Blaise Zabini, Harry Potter/Blaise Zabini
Comments: 46
Kudos: 288





	1. Chapter 1

“You sure you don’t want me to come in?” Ron asked for the thousandth time.

“I’m sure. I’m just going to go straight to bed.” Harry was exhausted. He felt like he was made up entirely of bruises.

“I could make you some food first. You should really eat before you crash.”

“I’ll get Kreacher to make something for me. His cooking will probably be more edible than yours anyway.” Harry tried to joke. The effort of smiling was painful, but he thought he managed it. Or at least well enough for Ron to understand he was teasing him.

“Probably. Hermione still hasn’t forgiven me for the soup incident.”

“It wasn’t soup.” Harry snorted, regretting it when his ribs sent a stabbing pain in response. He hoped Ron hadn’t noticed the wince of pain, otherwise he’d never get rid of him. He continued talking to try and distract his friend. “It looked worse than one of Neville’s potions. And it was covering half the kitchen by the time you finished”

“Yeah, well I’m not great at cooking.” Ron replied, rubbing the back of his neck in a gesture of unease. “I could make you a sandwich. I’m pretty good at those.” Harry knew that his best friend really didn’t want to leave Harry alone, but he had to persuade him otherwise.

“Honestly, it’s fine Ron. You and Hermione should spend some time together. You both spent too much time with me at St Mungo’s this last fortnight. Have some time to yourselves.”

“If you’re really sure.” Ron looked completely torn about Harry’s resistance to his company, his own desire to see Hermione, and his feelings of wanting to ensure Harry was okay.

“I just want some time to myself. I haven’t been able to get more than five minutes alone at the hospital.” It was true. Every minute he was at the hospital someone was at his bedside. Nurses checking on him. Healers looking troubled. Friends and family looking scared. He didn’t even want to imagine the looks on his friends’ faces whilst he’d been unconscious. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate it, but it wasn’t what he wanted.

“Well that’s what you get for trying to die on us.” Ron tried to make light of the horror of the last two weeks but is still made Harry cringe with both guilt and fear. He had come painfully close to dying this time.

“Get off with you. Please.” Harry tried to sound light-hearted, but knew he probably sounded as bad as he felt in reality. Thankfully, Ron took the words at face value, finally.

“Fine. Here are your potions. Instructions are in with them. Me and ‘Mione will be round tomorrow to check you’re okay.”

Harry unlocked the door to Grimmauld and walked in. He slipped off his shoes and dumped the pile of potions he’d been given by the healers at the door. His arms were hurting too much to try and carry them further. He heard the floo flare to life in the living room and made his way towards it. Each step was an agonising effort, but he wanted desperately to see the person he knew would be waiting for him, yet he dreaded it at the same time. He knew they would be angry at him. He’d promised he wasn’t going to do this again, yet for the 3rd time in as many months he’d ended up in the hospital. The last two times he’d only had to stay one night and was back to work within a week. This time it had been two weeks stuck in St Mungo’s with healers fussing over him. He really only remembered the last four or five days of his stay though, having been put in a magically induced coma for the first week, and then on so many potions when he first woke up, that he was barely conscious of his surroundings. 

He stepped into the living room and the tall man was stood there waiting for him. He expected the frown. What he hadn’t expected, was for the man to look close to tears, however.

“Harry, what the fuck happened?” Blaise said, breaking Harry’s heart a little as he did so at the pain in his partner’s voice.

Harry thought his legs were going to collapse under him. Before he could slide to the floor, Blaise’s arms were around him, supporting him. Harry could feel himself starting to cry.

“It’s okay, love. I’m going to take you home.”

Harry sniffed loudly. He wanted to speak to Blaise; before they went to the home they’d been living in together for the last eighteen months. He felt Blaise lift him and he wrapped his legs around his waist, his arms clinging to the other man’s neck. They started moving towards the floo.

“Wait a minute.” Harry managed to croak out before they’d reached the fireplace. He pulled his head away from Blaise’s shoulder so he could look at his lover as he spoke. He didn’t unwrap his legs though, liking the feeling of being carried. It felt like being cared for. Before he could continue, Blaise spoke, understanding exactly what Harry wanted to ask about.

“He’s okay too. A little cross today. It’s not been the easiest two weeks. We should get back to him. He won’t believe you’re okay until he sees it himself. I don’t want to leave him alone any longer either.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, Harry.” Blaise sounded defeated as his said this. Harry rested his head back on Blaise’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He felt movement again, then Blaise saying their address clearly into the fire. 

Harry didn’t know how Blaise managed not to drop him when they came out the other end. Harry always managed to stumble, even from the shortest of floo journeys. Despite the extra weight in his arms, Blaise stepped out of the floo as if it were no different than walking through a doorway. Before Harry could ask to be put down, or even open his eyes look around the room, he could feel Draco tugging at his shirt, trying to get Blaise to put Harry down.

“Give us a minute, Draco.” Blaise admonished gently. Harry didn’t have to be able to see to know that Draco had started pouting at that. “I’m going to take Harry through to the bedroom. You can check he’s okay there.”

They started walking towards the bedroom, Harry still in Blaise’s arms. He could sense the nervous tension coming off Draco as he followed them. Harry unwrapped one of the hands from around Blaise’s neck and held it out. There was a small sigh of relief when Draco took it. It wasn’t a particularly comfortable position for Harry, and probably not for Blaise, but Harry didn’t mind if it made Draco feel better. 

He was placed in the middle of the bed, an arrangement of pillows waiting to prop him up.

“I’m going to make us all some dinner.” Blaise said, then kissed each of them lightly on the forehead before walking out of the room, leaving Harry and Draco alone. Draco didn’t say anything, instead he began the process of undressing Harry. As each scrape and bruise was uncovered Draco made small sounds of distress. When Harry was stripped down to his boxers, and the bandages wrapped around his chest, Draco got up and went to the dresser and started rummaging for some pyjamas. Harry was glad the ones Draco selected were Blaise’s, soft and a little too big for Harry. Draco quickly got him out of his underwear and into the pyjamas. When he had finished, he sat on the bed, just staring down at him. Harry lifted his hand to tear that was making its way down Draco’s face.

“I’m okay, Draco.”

“No you’re not. You look a fucking mess.”

“I know I do, but I’m really okay now. These bruises will all fade.”

“And that.” Draco looked pointedly at Harry’s head. There was a strip of hair missing down one side, where the healers had had to shave it to get to the curse wound there. That was the one that had almost killed him. 

“It’s probably going to scar, but my hair will cover it soon enough. And besides, it’s only a scar. It doesn’t matter.” Harry tried to reassure Draco, unsuccessfully, with his words. He went with a different tact, pulling Draco down onto his chest, stroking the soft blonde hair gently, not caring that the pressure on bruises hurt, or that his arms felt like lead weights. 

“Two weeks, Harry. I had two weeks of not knowing anything other than what the papers said. They said you died. Then that you were in a coma. I couldn’t contact you. I couldn’t be with you. What if you…. “

“I didn’t Draco. I didn’t die. I came back. I will always come back for you.”

“But you promised…”

“I know I said this wouldn’t happen again. I’m so sorry.”

“What if next time you can’t come back?” Draco said so softly that Harry almost didn’t catch it.

Harry didn’t know what to say to that. He knew there was almost nothing he could say, other than that he was going to quit his job, that would reassure Draco. His chest was wet with other man’s tears. They stayed there silently until Blaise came back. 

“Do you think you feel up to coming to the table, or do you want dinner in here?” Blaise asked.

“Don’t really want to eat in bed, but not sure I can manage sitting at the table. Sofa and a crappy film?” Harry replied, quickly assessing the options.

“If that’s what you want.” Blaise smiled, and went to sort out trays for them. 

“Come on Draco, you going to need to get off me so we can get up. I’m not up to carrying you right now. Not really sure my legs are going to carry me to be honest.” Harry said, to the still silent curled up form, resting on his chest. “And you need to eat something too.”

“Fine.” Draco said, sulkily sitting up.

Harry shifted and sat more upright, no longer propped up on the pillows. He put his arms around Draco before he could get up and leave the bed.

“I know I’m an idiot who manages to get hurt far too often, but I love you.”

“I know Harry.” Draco replied, sounding morose but returning the hug. 

They walked slowly hand in hand to the living room. Harry’s legs weren’t up to his usual pace, and Draco seemed determined to not let him go. Blaise had put a pouf in front of Harry’s usual spot on the sofa so he could prop his legs up.

“You pick a film Draco.” Harry said, getting himself comfortable. Film choice was often a contentious issue between the three of them. Out of all of them, Blaise was the easiest to please, as he would put up with most thing that Harry and Draco liked, even if he often got sick of them watching the same films over and over. Harry generally preferred action films, or dramas, although not the period dramas, Draco adored. On days like today though, Harry knew they would probably end up with Disney. Disney was what Draco watched when he was upset. Harry liked them too. Most of them anyway. That was the main problem, there were some films either he or Draco just couldn’t watch, and Disney films were no exception, even if they were meant for children. Harry couldn’t watch Cinderella, and struggled with Dumbo. Draco on the other hand could manage those but had real issues with the Little Mermaid, and on really bad days, the Lion King. However much Draco said he disliked his father, he couldn’t watch as Scar threw Mufasa to his death in front of the young Simba. Neither of them would watch Bambi, Sleeping Beauty, the Black Cauldron or Snow White. Both of them struggled with a degree of trauma after the war, but Draco’s was worse. This manifestation of the trauma, the inability to watch cartoons where there was the slight possibility where they would be triggered, was one of the easier ones to manage. Even on days like today when they were both feeling more than fragile. Despite this, Harry often thought he was ridiculous being so affected by children’s films in this way. He was an Auror, who regularly ended up in dangerous situations, but still couldn’t cope when watching an imaginary deer losing its mother.

“Aristocats?” Draco asked.

“Nope.” Harry didn’t think he could cope with the cats being stolen and dumped today. Draco started rummaging again.

“Toy Story?” It was one of Draco’s favourites, but again the idea of being abandoned was too strong for Harry right now.

“Come on you two. Just shove in Fantasia. If you’re both not asleep by the Chernaborg I’ll fast forward over it.”

Draco did as he was told and soon the flashes of music were lighting up the screen to Toccata and Fugue. Draco was curled into Harry’s side, and picking at his egg fried rice. Harry was managing a little better with his food, but soon found himself too tired to continue. He put the bowl on the floor. Blaise was still eating, but he leant into him anyway, the same way Draco was to him, and a warm arm was placed around him. There were dancing mushrooms on the screen now, and he fell asleep quickly to the sounds of Tchaikovsky.

“Blaise?” Harry said sleepily. He’d woken as he’d been placed in the bed. “Where’s Draco?”

“Still on the sofa. Fast asleep. I can’t carry both of you at the same time. I’m going to get him now. Go back to sleep Harry.”

“Mmmkay.” Harry mumbled, closing his eyes again. 

It wasn’t long before a warm body was placed next to him and the duvet was tucked over both of them. He reached and took Draco’s hand in his, and quickly fell back to sleep.

Harry’s bladder woke him up. It was still dark out, so he knew it wasn’t morning yet. He tried to go back to sleep and ignore the uncomfortable feeling of needing the loo. After five minutes he gave up. He carefully disentangled himself from Blaise’s arm, which was wrapped around him. Draco was curled up in a small ball on his other side, and it was easy not to jostle him. He made his way to the bathroom. Walking was still painful, but he felt a bit better than he had when he arrived home. He quickly emptied his bladder and turned to the sink to wash his hands. It was the first time he’d seen himself since the accident and he winced at the sight of himself. He looked an absolute state, with bruises appearing to cover at least half of his exposed skin. He knew the same was probably true for the parts of his body covered by his pyjamas. His head was the worst. His hair, a mess at the best of times, looked truly atrocious. There was a deep purple wound, that looked barely healed, running from just above his right ear, and the hair around it was gone, making him look slightly ridiculous. Or at least it would if he didn’t look like he’d also gone ten rounds with a troll. He hoped Draco would be able to do something with his hair tomorrow, he really didn’t fancy keeping the uneven look until the hair grew back in. If worst came to the worst, he’d just ask Draco to shave the whole lot off. He wasn’t exactly going to be going anywhere for the next few weeks anyway. 

Harry turned as the door opened and Blaise walked into the bathroom.

“You coming back to bed, love.”

“In a minute.”

Blaise closed the door, to stop the light entering the bedroom and waking Draco, and moved to put his arms around Harry.

“First time you’ve seen how bad you look?” Blaise asked, understanding why Harry was dithering in the bathroom.

“Yeah. I mean I knew it was bad. They had to keep me unconscious for week.”

Blaise winced when Harry said this, and he realised he hadn’t actually told either of his lovers exactly what had happened.

“There was some swelling on my brain, they did it to prevent it causing any permanent damage. It was pretty touch and go for the first couple of days according to healers. Other than that it’s mostly just cuts and bruises, a couple of broken ribs. I think I shattered an ankle too – not sure which one though. They healed the ankle, but because of the amount of healing the head wound was taking they didn’t want to do my ribs, so they just have to heal the muggle way. I wish you could have been there with me.”

“I know. I read in the papers it was bad, but I never know how much to believe from them. They exaggerate too much. I don’t think you should tell Draco how bad it really was.”

“How bad was he whilst I was gone?”

Blaise shook his head in response, an aura of sadness surrounding him that was easily interpretable.

“That bad?” 

“I don’t know what Draco would do if anything happened to you. He’s been a complete wreck from the moment you didn’t come home that night. It took everything I had to stop him apparating straight to St Mungos and demanding to see you. Only the fact that they wouldn’t have let him in stopped him in the end. After that he… well you know what he’s like. I’ve been at home with him the last two weeks. I was just lucky work were willing to give me emergency leave.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry Blaise.”

“You’re back now. But you really can’t do this again.”

“I know. I know but…”

“Harry if you say anything about it being your fucking duty to go out and get yourself half killed for the sake of the wizarding world…”

“But…”

“No Harry. You’ve done more than enough for them. I know you like your job, well at least most of the time, but you can’t do this to him again. If you die, he won’t survive. I might, but he won’t.”

Blaise pulled Harry in tighter as he said this, his voice shaking a little, like he was trying not to cry. It hurt his ribs a little, but Harry didn’t wince. Blaise was always the one holding it together out of the three of them, but here he was close to breaking point in the bathroom in the middle of the night.

“Let’s go back to bed. I’m not due back at work for at least six weeks and I’ll think about asking for a transfer from active duty, at least for a while.”

“Thank you, Harry.”

While they were gone Draco had uncurled himself from his little ball and managed to starfish over ¾ of their large bed. Blaise was still sorting himself out in the bathroom, leaving it up to Harry to try and retake the bed from Draco by himself.

“Selfish prat.” Harry chuckled, moving Draco carefully and getting into bed beside him, trying to leave enough room for Blaise to get in behind him.

“You went away.” The soft voice came from next to him.

“Go back to sleep love.” 

Draco sat bolt upright, a look of panic on his face, his breathing coming fast.

“Draco, it’s alright. I’m here” Harry sat up and put his arms around Draco, holding him tight. He tried he hardest to send all of the feelings of love and safety he could muster into the embrace.

“You went away.” Draco repeated, this edge of panic in his tone still remaining, clinging as tightly to Harry as Harry cling to him. Middle of the night panic attacks were always the worst. Harry hoped that he hadn’t had too many of them whilst he’d been in the hospital. Draco rarely calmed down for Blaise when he was like this in the night. Harry remembered the nights when he used to wake up from nightmares too. When his nightmares would wake up Draco with his own. Blaise would be there trying to calm Harry or getting calming potions for the two of them, whilst Harry comforted Draco. 

“Lie down. Do you want me to stroke your back till you go back to sleep? I promise I’ll still be here in the morning. I just had to go to the toilet. I didn’t go anywhere.”

“Promise.” The voice was small and fragile sounding, but he laid down without protest. Harry carefully undid the buttons on Draco’s pyjama top and eased it off. Then he gently began drawing circles with his fingertips on Draco’s back. Draco’s breathing calmed, and Harry thought he was just about drifting off when Blaise came back into the room. He looked like he’d had a shower.

“Nightmare?”

“Yup.” Harry replied, continuing to draw patterns on the pale bare skin. He felt Blaise get into the bed. “You’re all wet.”

“Needed to clear my head. Shower helped.” Blaise manoeuvred himself so he was pressed close into Harry’s back. “I think he’s asleep now.” He said, as he took hold of Harry’s hand, stopping its repetitive motion. “We should sleep too.”

Harry twisted his neck so he could see Blaise and gave him a brief kiss. He settled himself back amongst the pillows and hooked one foot around Draco’s ankle, needing the physical contact between the two of them. 


	2. Chapter 2

The noises of someone getting dressed woke Harry up the next morning. He opened his eyes, blearily, glad that he no longer had to wear glasses with the vision correction charms Draco had insisted on when his vision quickly came into focus. He sat up. Draco was still asleep, but Blaise was busying himself about the room. The pre-dawn light was just creeping in from behind the closed curtains.

“You heading out?” Harry asked.

“Got to go to work.”

“Ah, that.”

“Yup. My boss clearly thinks two weeks off is more than enough. I don’t know why I bother. It’s not like we need the money.”

“You do it because you like it, despite your horrible boss. And besides, if all three of us just hung around at home all day we’d rapidly drive each other insane.”

“That is true.” Blaise said slowly and deliberately before continuing in his more normal speaking style. “You going to be alright here with Draco though.”

“Yes. I’m not that fragile.”

“Still…” Blaise replied, looking down at the still sleeping blonde with a worried expression on his face, making Harry wonder exactly how bad the last two weeks he’d missed had been.

“Me and Draco will be just fine without you. We’re perfectly capable of not killing each other if left to our own devices.”

“I know. I just don’t feel right leaving you. I want to be here.”

“Your horrible boss will not let you push the family emergency thing any longer. I’m surprised she let you have two weeks, if I’m honest, even if we haven’t had to use one in a little while. I’d rather you didn’t push it any further than you already have so you’re able to be here when we really need it.” Harry replied, looking pointedly at the sleeping Draco next to him. Despite how much Blaise hated his boss, and how awful she was about some things, she had actually been relatively flexible with the unexplained family emergencies that popped up every few months. Even if often involved him taking leave with no notice, or suddenly having to work from home for all or part of the day. Harry still had no idea how Blaise managed it but was fairly certain blackmail was involved. It also helped that Blaise was very good at his job, and she didn’t really want to lose her top designer.

“Fine, but you get plenty of rest. You really do look frightful.”

“Thanks for the complement. Me and Draco can take care of each other.”

Blaise came over and gave Harry a kiss, then leant down and kissed the still sleeping Draco, just where frown lines crinkled his brow. The blond was tense even in sleep.

“If anything comes up and you need me home, contact me. I’ll be home at five unless you need me before. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Draco slept in late. Harry wondered exactly how much sleep he’d been getting whilst Harry was stuck in the hospital. He’d noticed the dark circles under Draco’s eyes yesterday and assumed it wasn’t very much. This made Harry feel guilty all over again. At half ten Harry decided to get Draco out of bed. Partly it was because he was getting bored sat by himself listening to music. He’d tried to read but it just made his head hurt worse than it already was and his ability to concentrate seemed to be practically non-existent at the moment. He also thought that Draco should probably not spend all day in bed. It was usually a sign things were going downhill if Draco started sleeping too much. Somehow it would go from laying in a little later in the morning to sleeping near constantly if either Blaise or Harry didn’t pick up on it. 

“Morning, Love.” Harry said, lying down next to Draco and stroking his sides. He let his hand trail over the blonde’s hips, then between his thighs. Harry felt as Draco hardened under the gentle caresses of his fingers. His mouth kissed up Draco’s spine and around his neck. The network of kisses didn’t stop as he marked along the blonde’s jaw. When he finally reached his mouth, he found it eager and waiting for him. He traced his lover’s lips with his tongue and felt a hot rush of heat when the other’s tongue met his. He changed the feather light touches of his fingers to a more purposeful caress, taking Draco’s now hard cock in his hand and slowly teasing.

“Nice way to wake up.” Draco said, his voice thick with sleep. Harry kissed him deeper and allowed his thumb to circle in the way he knew Draco liked. He started rutting against the back of Draco’s legs, no longer able to contain his own lust and wanting, ignoring the pain the movement was causing with injuries. Harry tried to take it slowly, but his need overpowered him, and all too soon his release came over the back of Draco’s legs. Draco followed soon after, making a mess of the sheets.

“I missed you.” Harry said, turning Draco over and wrapping him in his arms. Draco reached his hand up to Harry’s face and looked like he wanted to say something. Rather than speaking though he moved his hand and let his fingers through Harry’s hair. Harry closed his eyes and let himself relax.

“You know, even for you this hairstyle is dreadful.” Draco said, pulling Harry from the half doze he hadn’t meant to let himself fall into.

“Healers aren’t as good as you at grooming charms.”

“Well, then I’ll just have to fix it myself. First, I need a shower though. I would ask you to join me, but you’re a prat who got yourself injured and won’t be able to shower until the bandages come off.” This was Harry’s Draco. The one who teased him and joked with him when he was feeling down. Harry had been scared after his talk with Blaise and panic attack in the middle of the night that his injury had caused Draco to relapse.

“I’ll cast an impervious charm.” Harry replied, capturing Draco’s lips in his.

“You will do nothing of the sort. If something goes wrong, I have no idea how to fix it.” The was a slight hint of panic in the tone, but Draco took a deep breath and seemed to get hold of himself. “Really shouldn’t the healers have given you some kind of after care instructions.”

“They did. I wasn’t really listening. There’s a written copy with the meds I’m meant to be taking. I left the bag at Grimmauld though. Should probably pop back and get them.”

Harry was suddenly faced with a look of horror from Draco.

“No. You’re not leaving the house.” There was more than a hint of anxiety as Draco snapped out the words. So, maybe he wasn’t quite as okay as he had appeared. “Tell Blaise to come home now and get them.” Draco was sat bolt upright now. Nervous anxiety radiating off him. 

“Blaise has to work, love.” Harry reached and took one of Draco’s hands in his, trying to comfort him and keeping his voice as calm and gentle as he could manage. They had three house elves between them but never used them. They set Draco’s anxiety off badly and could result in him ending up practically catatonic with depression. They all lived together at Grimmauld in a small home they’d made for themselves in the attic. They never entered the Manor. They did do the food shopping from lists that Blaise or Harry left them on the way to work and left their purchases at Grimmauld ready for them to be taken home by the end of the day. It was an arrangement that worked for them, even if it meant the three of them had to clean up after themselves, something neither Blaise nor Draco were used to. The last time the elves had been in the Manor had been when Draco was very sick in the early days. Harry and Blaise had instructed them to completely redecorate their little wing of the old house so it resembled a large modern flat; to help stop triggering Draco with flashbacks about the time before. 

“But…”

“I’ll send him an owl and get him to bring them by on his lunch break. You go get in the shower and I’ll write to him straight away, then make us some breakfast.”

“And you won’t leave.”

“No, I will be in the kitchen the whole time. Once we’ve had breakfast you can see what you can do about my hair and then hopefully Blaise will be here with my meds and we can go through all of the things I’m supposed to be doing together. We can all learn the instructions and I will pay attention this time.”

“I just…” Harry could hear in Draco’s voice that he was trying to hold back tears. He sat up and pulled Draco into a tight hug. The next words were muffled against Harry’s shoulder, but Harry thought he could make them out. “I was scared. I was so scared.”

It took a further ten minutes of comforting Draco to persuade him let Harry go and to go get in the shower. Harry cast a quick and unsatisfying cleaning charm over himself and changed into a fresh pair of joggers and an oversized hoody. The hoody was clearly old and well worn, but its size made it easy for Harry to put on over his injured head and torso. It was also undeniably soft and warm. He wrote a quick letter to Blaise. He kept it short as forcing himself to concentrate on writing made his head pound. He hoped his partner wouldn’t get into trouble for having to rush out of the office on his first day back in a fortnight. He knew as soon as Blaise got the note, he would race home at the earliest opportunity, and probably berate Harry for being an idiot and not remembering the fact that he had potions to take earlier. He started to make a hollandaise sauce and set a couple of eggs poaching, his wouldn’t need to go in the water for another few minutes, but Draco couldn’t stand them if the yolks were runny. Draco walked into the kitchen just as Harry’s eggs were entering the water and the muffins were put in the toaster. 

“That’s my hoody you’re wearing.” Draco said, and Harry turned to look at him. He was leaning against the breakfast counter in the middle of kitchen, water dripping from his still wet hair and wearing nothing but a towel round his waist.

“Umm… I don’t think it is somehow. I don’t fit any of your clothes.”

“Yeah well, maybe it used to be Blaise’s, but I claimed it long before you joined us.”

“It is comfortable though.” Harry said turning back towards the hob and the sauce that was just starting to thicken nicely.

“Very.” Harry sensed Draco walk around the counter behind him. Warm hands snuck under his jumper and around his waist.

“You know if we’re ever going to get anything done today you are going to have to keep your hands off me for a little while, and possibly get dressed. Not that I don’t enjoy seeing you in nothing but a towel, but it is a little distracting.” Draco kissed the nape of Harry’s neck and let go of him.

“Fine.” Draco pouted. “Ruin all of my fun.”

“Sod off, Malfoy.” Harry chuckled in amusement, glad that Draco had bounced back from his near panic attack. He heard Draco leave the room, and Harry continued putting the breakfast together, grabbing the smoked salmon from the magically cooled cabinet that served as a fridge. Until he had moved in with Blaise and Draco, Harry hadn’t really understood the magical adaptations to kitchens. He’d never bothered using the one at Grimmauld place, and usually relied Kreacher, takeaways or going to the Weasleys. There was something depressing about cooking for one, so he’d avoided it. Living with Draco and Blaise though, he found his love for cooking. Making food for people you cared about and seeing them enjoy it was a very different experience to being forced to cook for the Dursley’s as a child. Draco reappeared dressed smartly in a pair of grey trousers and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up, just as Harry laid the two plates on the counter. He eased himself up onto one of the stools with only a slight wince where the movement sent a jab of pain through slowly healing ribs. After they had finished Draco went and grabbed some towels and a bowl of warm water and set up one of the stools so that he could try and fix Harry’s hair. Harry relaxed as Draco’s skilled fingers washed his hair and massaged his head. Harry hadn’t noticed how bad the headache had gotten until it started to ease under Draco’s ministrations. When his hair was clean and conditioned, Draco proceeded to use his wand to carefully style Harry’s hair into something that hopefully didn’t resemble a train wreck. Grooming charms were some of the few pieces of magic Draco ever did these days. When he was done applying the final product of what felt like a hundred to Harry, Draco took a step back, nodded in satisfaction, before kissing Harry on the forehead.

“Much better.” Draco said. Harry reached his arms out to grab Draco’s waist and pulled him close so he was standing between Harry’s legs so he could claim a proper kiss. Draco didn’t resist and Harry let his hands trail over Draco’s arse, enjoying the smoothness of the fabric of the other man’s trousers. They were so caught up in each other they didn’t hear the sound of Blaise coming though the floo in the other room, nor him entering the kitchen.

“So is this what I miss out on when I leave you to go to work for the day?” Blaise said, interrupting the make-out session.

“Blaise!” Draco turned to face the other man, although remained standing between Harry’s legs.

“Hello, to you too.” Blaise replied and stepped forward, dumping the bag he was holding on the counter and leaning in, to kiss Harry and Draco in turn. “You look much better, love. Your work I assume, Draco.”

“Well I am a genius, what can I say.” Draco said, smugly.

“Modest too.” Harry rolled his eyes. “So you like it?”

“Love it. You look more gorgeous than ever. Now onto more important matters. I really should chastise you or something for leaving all this stuff behind, but then you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t forget such little things as the essential potions regimen you need so you actually recover.”

“I had more important things on my mind, okay.” Harry replied, remembering his desperate need to get home and see Draco the evening before. He wasn’t exactly to blame for letting the potions slip his mind when it was focussed on the much more important, to him at least, issue of making sure Draco was okay. “And me and Draco will go through it now. I’m sure he’ll ensure I stick to it to the letter. Won’t you love?” He squeezed Draco’s hand. “We’ll explain it all to you when you get back from work this evening.”

“I’m staying here.” Blaise said, sounding almost as stubborn as Harry did when he got in a snit.

“Blaise…” Harry appealed. “You should go back to work. Like I told you this morning, Draco and I will be fine. We’ve got this.”

“Harry. I’m just…”

“I know you’re worried, Blaise.” Draco interrupted, holding out the hand that wasn’t in Harry’s to Blaise. Blaise took it and then held out his other hand for Harry’s free one, connecting the three of them. “I am really okay. I got a bit freaked out when I found out that Harry wasn’t following his healer’s instructions but I’m good now. I know it’s usually you two looking after me, but I can look after Harry. I’m not completely incapable.”

“I know you’re not. But you know why I worry, and you’ve not exactly been well the last couple of weeks.”

“I had reasons for not being well. But I’m taking all my meds and it’s not like I’m in the house by myself. I know why you couldn’t leave me alone for the last fortnight, but I promise I’m safe right now, and Harry is here, even if he’s injured.”

“Go on Blaise. We’ll look after each other.” Harry encouraged. 

“I want a Patronus, not an owl, if something goes wrong. An owl is too slow. I don’t care if someone recognises it’s yours, okay.” Harry knew how worried Blaise was when he made this request. The relationship between the three of them was a carefully hidden secret, with only Draco and Harry’s mind healer being aware of it. That Blaise was willing to risk his and Harry’s relationship being known for this, meant that Blaise was near out of his mind with concern for his two lovers.

“Fine. Instant communication if we need you.” Harry said, knowing that Blaise would not take no for an answer.

“It would be easier if I could produce one. That way we wouldn’t have to risk it being recognised.” Draco said, sounding small and sad. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco a little tighter.

“It doesn’t matter, love. Your magic works well enough to do the important things. Like make me look half-way presentable.” Harry murmured into his ear. 

Blaise wrapped his arms around the two of them and added. “Draco, a year ago you would barely even look at your wand, let alone touch it. You don’t need to get down about not being able to do certain things yet.” Blaise said, equally as gently as Harry had. 

“I guess. Couldn’t do the sodding charm before anyway. I don’t exactly stand a chance of getting it now, do I?”

“You know what Tara says. You will be able to do everything you could before one day. You will get it love. And as soon as you’re ready to try I will teach you the charm.” Harry poked Draco in the side, trying to get him to smile. It worked, to Harry’s relief. Draco going into a downward spiral would not get Blaise back to work anytime soon.

“Love you.”

“Love you too, Draco. You too Blaise, but you need to sod off back to the office. We can deal with any blips that happen together, just like that.”

“Fine. I love both of you too. I’ll try and leave early if I can though.”

“You don’t…”

“I do Harry. Not because I don’t trust the two of you to be okay. But because I don’t trust that I’ll be okay staying away so long. It was hard enough leaving this morning, and I want to leave even less right now. There are three of us in this relationship remember, and strangely enough I’ve been a bit shaken too by the last two weeks.”

“Okay Blaise. I promise I’ll send my Patronus if we need you for anything, even if it’s just a small thing. And when you get home tonight, we’ll talk about all three of us having a session with Tara soon.”

After Blaise left, Harry and Draco took out each of the items in the bag and laid them out. There was a whole list of instructions which Draco read out loud to Harry. Draco got a very cross look on his face that caused little frown lines to form between his eye brows when he realised that Harry had missed not only doses of potions that morning, but he also should have taken three different ones and had his bandages changed before he went to bed. Harry kissed the small wrinkles, but it didn’t help soothe Draco as much as it usually did. He took the lunch time potions without question and ate the small bowl of fruit and yoghurt Draco insisted on him eating, as he should take the potions with a meal, even though he wasn’t hungry and breakfast had been less than two hours ago. Harry spent most of the rest of the day relaxing on the sofa feeling decidedly sleepy, whilst Draco played the piano and then read to him from the latest trashy romance novel he’d become obsessed with. Draco had a tendency to become obsessed with things. Harry and Blaise mostly let him get on with it when he read the same book on loop, finishing it only to restart from the beginning, although they did put their foot down when Draco decided that he had to eat the same food for every meal for weeks on end. That was just infuriating, although they normally caved when he got so bad he would refuse to eat anything else and start panicking if they tried to get him to try something else. It was just one of the ways he tried to control his life after the war.

Blaise got home not long before 4 o’clock. Draco immediately stopped reading in the middle of the sentence to run and hug him. Harry remained on the sofa, not wanting to make the effort to move and hoping the two of them would come to him.

“Someone’s pleased to see me.” Blaise said and wrapped his arms around Draco. “I don’t usually get this kind of response when I step through the fire.”

“Can’t I just be happy you’re here.”

“You can. You can also tell me and Harry what’s bothering you. Don’t try and hide it Draco Malfoy. I know you too well.” Blaise replied firmly. Harry hadn’t noticed anything was wrong, but Blaise had obviously seen it instantly

“It’s better when we’re all at home.” Draco admitted. “That way nothing bad can happen.”

“Draco. Nothing bad is going to happen to me at work. Besides, I thought you wanted me to go to work.” Blaise said, looking pointedly over at Harry who proceeded to ease himself off the sofa with his sluggish limbs.

“I know. I did. I do want you to go. It’s why I told you too earlier. I don’t think you should give things up for me and logically I know that you’re perfectly safe there. But it’s like… It wasn’t that bad when you left, but the closer it got to when you’re supposed to be back, the worse I started feeling. It’s like something is trying to eat at my insides and I kept imagining that the worst has happened, and you won’t step through the fireplace like you’re supposed to.” Harry felt like shit when Draco said that. He felt so guilty. Because that was exactly what had happened. He was the one that had caused this new source of anxiety for the man who already had enough triggers in his life. Harry had known before that him going to work made Draco feel anxious and he and Tara had spent hours working on coping mechanisms, but Blaise going to work never did that before. Harry also felt guilty that he hadn’t noticed that Draco had gotten anxious, normally he would have. He’d have to work out which of the potions he’d taken had made him feel so lethargic that he hadn’t even noticed his lover’s stress and hopefully stop taking it.

“I’m sorry.” Harry said and cocooned the blonde between him and Blaise. “Draco, you should have told me you were feeling like that. I would have…” Actually Harry didn’t know what he would have done, accept feel guilty, but he didn’t like the fact that Draco had kept it to himself. 

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“But if you don’t tell us we can’t work out a way to deal with it. Neither of us ever want you to feel alone with this. We love you. Do you want to talk to Tara tomorrow? See if she can help.” Blaise said, gently and Draco nodded his head in response before burying himself in Blaise’s chest once more. ‘Talk about this later.’ Blaise then mouthed at Harry so Draco couldn’t see.

“Okay then, we won’t dwell on it for now. Come on, show me Harry’s potion regime.”

Draco went through the whole thing with Blaise whilst Harry just sat and listened, still feeling a little out of it. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed this particular side effect earlier. The person to ask about which potion was causing the problem, however, was Draco and was pretty certain his blonde boyfriend wouldn’t let him stop taking any of them unless the healers signed off on it, which meant waiting till Friday. Blaise cooked them pasta with a tomato and anchovy sauce for dinner. Harry wished there were mushrooms in it, but it seemed that in the last couple of weeks Draco had developed an aversion to them, for some unknown reason, so he had to make do without. He drank the two potions placed in front of him and watched as Draco drank down his own collection. The hazy feeling, that had just about gone away came back.

“Harry, I’m going to go run a bath for you.” Blaise said, when they were finished eating and Draco was doing the washing up. He was doing it by hand. The limits of Draco’s magic were odd, and none of them completely understood why some spells were okay and some either wouldn’t work or triggered him. Cleaning charms were a trigger. Draco had never discussed why with Harry, nor Blaise to his knowledge, but Harry could guess at the reasons and knew that Draco had cleaned up more than his fair share of traumatising things during the Manor’s occupation.

“I thought I couldn’t get my bandages wet?” Harry asked, confused.

“And I thought you were meant to be paying attention to your treatment regimen.” Draco replied, without turning around.

“There’s a potion you’re meant to soak in every evening. I’ll put fresh bandages on after.” Blaise rolled his eyes.

“Oh… yeah they did that in the hospital. I guess I forgot. I think one of the potions is making me feel a bit fuzzy.”

“That would be the one for pain. Pain that must have been excruciating this morning, but you ignored.” Draco chastised. “They tend to do that. And no you’re not stopping it. I know you.”

“It wasn’t that bad.” Harry tried to insist, but that earned him a glare from Draco.

“I don’t like it though.” Harry sulked.

“Well you can put up.” Draco replied, snootily. Something about the way Draco said it grated on Harry’s nerves.

“Like you’ve never made a fuss.” Harry muttered under his breath, feeling cross about the whole issue. Draco heard him and let his displeasure at the rather hurtful comment known.

“And still… did you or did you not see me taking my fucking potions? You can be a right prat sometimes, Potter.” It wasn’t the usual teasing way Draco called him by his last name, it was the sneering way he remembered from school and Harry hated it. Draco knew Harry hated it. Sometimes falling back into their old school rivalry was too easy. Even though Harry knew he was in the wrong right now, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from continuing the argument that had started out of nothing so quickly.

“Potter am I now, Malfoy.” Harry sneered right back

“Stop bickering you two; you’re acting like children.” Blaise said through clenched teeth. “Harry you will take every medication the healer has instructed, whether you like them or not. You will apologise to Draco. I don’t care if whatever you’re on is affecting your admittedly already not great impulse control. What you said wasn’t fair and you know you were wrong to say it. And Draco, please, please do not pick a fight. You’re the one who know the side effects of the potions and you know better than anyone what it’s like to be told to take something that you don’t like. I love both of you dearly, but right now you’re giving me a headache.” Blaise walked out of the room, to leave Harry and Draco to sort out their little row between themselves; trusting them not to start fighting again. 

It wasn’t like the two of them didn’t fight on a semi regular basis, but with things being so unsettled between them right now, Harry could understand why it was getting to Blaise more than it usually did. Harry also felt truly ashamed for what he’d said to Draco. He didn’t know why the words had even come out of his mouth. He got up from the table and went to him, wrapping his arms around the narrow waist and resting his chin on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Harry nuzzled into Draco’s neck.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have. It’s the purple potion that’s causing the fuzziness by the way. If you want, I can sort alternative tomorrow for you. It’s not quite as effective at reducing pain, so you’ll have to tell me if it works or not. I am trusting you to be honest about whether you’re in pain or not, because I know you’re not good at admitting it. If it doesn’t work, then you will have to take the purple one for a few more days until the worst is over.”

“Did I tell you how much I love you already today.” Harry grinned.

“You did. But once more never hurt.”

“What would I do without you?”

“I don’t know. I do know I probably wouldn’t be here without you though.” Harry didn’t like to think about that. Didn’t want to relieve the memories of the first time he came to the Manor after the war. Nor the times since then that he and Blaise had managed by the skin of their teeth to stop Draco letting his depression and suicidal tendencies overwhelm him. Or the time, that was somehow worse, when they had to stop Draco in a fit of mania trying to break into the blocked off wings of the property. No one went into that part of the Manor. It was locked off for a reason.

“Now you’re just being maudlin.” Harry eventually said.

“No I’m not. I’m being honest. I don’t really know why you and Blaise put up with me half the time. I’m a bloody mess.”

“So am I. And besides, you’re our mess and we wouldn’t change you. Let’s go find Blaise and apologise to him, all right. I for one don’t think this is the right time to start dwelling on things. Tara will be here tomorrow, and we can talk about all the maudlin crap we need to then.”

Blaise was in the bathroom adding a variety of potions to the steaming water of the bath he’d run for Harry. He turned to look at the two of the when the walked in hand in hand.

“Sorted?” Blaise asked.

“Yes, and we’re sorry.” Harry replied.

“Good. Draco, why don’t you go read or something whilst I help Harry with this?”

“I want to stay.” Draco said stubbornly.

“Draco… I’m not sure you want to see…” Harry didn’t think it would do Draco any good to see the true extent of the damage the multiple curses he’d received had done.

“I want to stay.” Draco determinately insisted.

“Please, Draco. I don’t want to make this any worse for you than it already is.” Harry pleaded. Draco’s moods were swinging up and down rather erratically, which was worrying, as sometimes it was an indication that things were going to go downhill. The last thing Harry wanted to do was set off an episode if things swung too far in either direction.

“I’m not some poor broken thing that can’t take seeing a few cuts and bruises, Harry. I’ve already seen the ones not covered by the bandages and was fine. Besides, I don’t want to start fighting again. Just… let me be here. I don’t want to be out there if you need me.”

“Draco, I don’t even really know how bad it is.” Harry squeezed Draco’s hand in reassurance. “I love that you want to be here and support me, but I don’t want it to bring back bad memories for you. I know it’s likely to bring back horrible memories for me. It’s not because I think you’re weak that I don’t want you here.”

“How about I sit and close my eyes when Blaise takes off the bandages. I won’t open them until you’re in the water.” Draco tried to compromise.

“I could live with that.” Harry said. “Blaise?”

“Okay.” Blaise sighed. Only he would have two idiot boyfriends with mountains of historical trauma and more stubbornness than sense.

Draco sat leaning against the bathroom wall and closed his eyes. He also had a towel clutched tightly to his chest, in the same way he clutched a pillow whenever they watched a scary film, ready to bury his face in if things got too much. 

“I’m ready Blaise” Harry said, when he’d removed his clothes and saw that Draco was comfortably positioned.

Blaise started unravelling the bandages. It was fine at first, but then he reached the first piece of gauze that had been placed over one of the presumably still open wounds. Harry knew Blaise was trying to be careful, but Harry still let out a string of expletives as he gently tugged at the cloth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, buggering, fuck, fuck.” Harry said, clenching his teeth and squeezing his eyes tight in pain.

“Shit, I’m sorry. It’s a little stuck. I’m going get a cloth and use it to soak the gauze. Hopefully, that will help.” Blaise sounded apologetic and Harry hated that a little. It wasn’t his fault. He heard his partner rummage around, presumably to sort out something to try and soak the gauze off. He then felt a hand reach up to take his and realise that Draco had shuffled closer.

“I’ve still got my eyes closed. Don’t worry.” Draco said, and let his thumb rub Harry’s wrist affectionately.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, well I was right about you needing me, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah you were right. I didn’t think it would hurt this much.”

“I’m insisting you take the purple potion before we go through this again tomorrow. You can have the other one during the day.” Harry completely agreed. If the pain was this bad with the strong potion on board, then god knows how bad it would feel with a milder one.

“I’m going to press this against the gauze now, love. I’m sorry it hurts.” Blaise said

“Squeeze my hand as tight as you need to. Okay.” Draco added.

Harry nodded. He winced as the warm wet cloth was pressed to the stuck gauze and felt a little sick. He clenched hard at the hand in his, trying to focus on anything but the pain. When the gauze was wet Blaise tried to ease it off again and Harry had to bite back the scream that wanted to form.

“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.” Harry said, knowing he must be hurting Draco’s hand with how tightly he was gripping it.

“It’s fine.” Draco replied, even though Harry knew it wasn’t.

“I don’t think this is going to work.” Blaise stated. “I’m going to take the rest of the bandages down and you can get in the water with the gauze in place. Hopefully it will come loose then, otherwise we’ll have to come up with a different plan.”

“Okay.” Harry agreed, his breath coming out in a relieved huff when Blaise stopped trying to tug at the gauze. He knew part of this was his own fault. The gauze wouldn’t have been so stuck had he remembered the bag of potions the day before and the dressings had been changed when he got home yesterday.

Blaise helped Harry ease into the water. Harry never let go of Draco’s hand, despite how awkward it was trying to maneuverer as a result, with Draco scooting himself along the floor with his eyes closed. When he was submerged in the water Harry felt an almost instant relief to his tired and aching muscles.

“Feels better.” Harry admitted.

“And we’re are both immensely glad for that.” Draco said, cheekily. Harry could tell that he wasn’t unaffected by the knowledge that Harry had been in enough pain to vocalise it. Draco was trying to put on a brave face.

“So you have to stay in there for 30 minutes.” Blaise said, authoritatively.

“I can do that. Draco, do you think you can read to me for a bit whilst I’m in here.”

“You’re wish is my command. Blaise, go grab the book I was reading.”

Blaise didn’t question the demand and went and got the book. He understood that Draco wanted to talk to Harry by himself for a few minutes. He never questioned the times when his two lovers needed to be alone. They had gone through things he couldn’t imagine and was infinitely glad he couldn’t. It didn’t mean he was any less a part of this relationship than the two of them. The general consensus between them was that, if it weren’t for his presence, the two of them would likely have managed to hex each other into oblivion long ago. But there were times when the two of them needed to deal with crap by themselves, even if he did feel a little left out when it happened. Still, he gave them a couple of extra minutes together alone before he re-entered the bathroom. When he returned, he could tell that Draco had been crying. His red eyes held testament to that. He was still sat holding Harry’s hand, which was hanging over the side of the tub. He handed over the book and made himself comfortable on the floor opposite Draco, linking their legs together. He listened to Draco read, picking up from wherever he had stopped earlier. It didn’t matter that it was a quarter of the way into the story. The reading was primarily for background noise, so none of them had to think about why Harry was sitting in a bath filled with potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little all over the place, especially in terms of characterisation. I'm trying to work out a way to show the balance in their relationship and I'm not sure I've quite got it right. Draco is meant to be a little erratic at the moment in terms of moods going up and down at the drop of a hat, and his anxiety is off the scale. Harry is not quite with it because of the huge amount of potions he's having to take. Blaise is basically stressed to almost the point of breaking trying to hold everything together. I hope this comes across.


	3. Chapter 3

Draco had woken with another nightmare that night and Harry had soothed him back to sleep. When he had been settled again, Blaise and Harry had briefly discussed Draco’s admission about his worries regarding Blaise leaving the house. It had long been part of their routine to talk at 2am about this sort of thing. One of the joys of frequent nightmares for two thirds of their trio. They’d agreed that Blaise would try and negotiate half days in the office, with afternoons working from home for the next few weeks. At least until things settled down again. It had been a compromise, as Blaise had wanted to just stay home entirely. Harry had protested, not wanting Blaise to sacrifice his job any more than he had just because Harry was injured. He did it too often as it was. But Blaise was adamant that he’d feel better about things if he did. That he’d just be sat at work worrying about his two lovers if he tried to keep things normal. It wasn’t like they hadn’t resorted to it before when Draco was ill. Those times had been because it was easier for Blaise to work flexibly than Harry, who couldn’t just take time off at the Ministry without a good reason. And there was no explanation he could give that wouldn’t give away his relationship. Harry was home anyway though for the next few weeks, and felt it was unnecessary for Blaise to be there too. Besides, it was Harry’s fault they were in this situation right now. Blaise had chastised Harry for allowing guilt to eat at him like that and Harry had relented to half days. After, they’d then taken comfort in each other’s bodies whilst Draco slept. Blaise had needed the comfort as much as Harry had. Blaise almost wished they’d done this yesterday, as connecting to Harry this way made him feel more like the other man was there, and not slipping away from him. He’d spent two weeks fearing the worst just as much as Draco had. But he was the one who was meant to be strong and hold it together. It felt good to fall apart a little. They fell asleep sticky and sated and wrapped in each other’s arms. Morning came far too soon for either of their likings.

Harry wasn’t sure whether it was the light coming through the window or the sound of the piano that woke him.

“Blaise.” Harry said softly, trying to nudge his lover into wakefulness. Blaise opened his eyes. “Draco’s awake, love.”

“What time is it?” Blaise sounded half-asleep still.

“Not sure. Early.”

“Crap.”

“We don’t know anything’s wrong, yet?”

“He doesn’t get up before 9am unless he’s forced to, or somethings wrong.”

“I know. You go get in the shower. I’ll go to him.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. You have to go to work, and your horrible boss is hardly going to be accommodating to your suggestion of half days if you turn up late.” Harry leant over and kissed him, and then got out of bed, wrapping himself in a dressing gown, rather than getting dressed.

Harry crept quietly into the living room with the piano. The music was soothing and melodic, at least. If Draco had been playing anything discordant Blaise would have insisted on coming with him to find their blonde partner, work be damned.

“You’re up early, love.” Harry said and sat down on sofa from where he could see Draco.

Draco responded without looking up from the sheet music.

“Woke up.”

“You feeling okay?”

“Don’t know.” Long slender fingers continued to gracefully and purposefully trip over the notes, the sweet melody singing from the beautiful instrument. His voice sounded distant, however. Like he wasn’t really there.

“Can I do anything?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Can I stay and listen?”

“Always.”

There was very little to be done when Draco was like this, other than be there. The piano helped, but he’d talk when he wanted to, or not as the case may be. Harry wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Blaise came into the room with a tray of breakfast and potions.

“Draco, do you want some breakfast?” Blaise asked.

“Not really.” Draco’s voice remained flat.

“Okay. Try and eat something later. Harry, you don’t have a choice. Breakfast and potions.” Harry rolled his eyes before smiling at Blaise.

“Thanks. You heading off.”

“I’ll be back at lunch.” Blaise replied with a quick kiss. Harry almost wanted to tell him to stay but resisted. He knew if he did Blaise would, but that wasn’t the right thing to do. Besides, it was at Harry’s insistence he was going to work at all.

“Love you.” Harry responded instead and watched as Blaise walked over to Draco and kiss him lightly on the top of his head before walking out.

Harry looked down at the tray. The bowl of muesli with yoghurt and chopped banana was his favourite. He smiled at the food, knowing Blaise had prepared it specially because he liked it. He ate it quietly and enjoyed the music. Even if early morning piano playing was concerning, it was still lovely to listen too. When he was finished eating, he looked at the potions. He quickly took the green and odd beige looking one, then grimaced when he saw the purple one.

“Draco…”

“Mmmm.” Draco replied, although Harry wasn’t sure whether he was really listening. He tried anyway.

“You said there was an alternative to the purple one.”

“Yes.” Draco said, non-committedly.

“Do you have any? Or do you need to brew it?”

“Should have one in my stores.”

“Any chance you can get it?”

“Let me finish this aria.”

“Okay, love.”

Harry waited as Draco went through the final page of the piece, finishing the rising crescendos with a flourish before he got up. Harry followed Draco to the little potions lab and obediently took the little bottle of lavender potion and drunk it when it was handed over. Draco had started drifting back out of the room when Harry grabbed his hand. Draco looked at where their hands connected, seeming slightly dazed.

“Can I try and ground you, or do you need the piano some more?”

Draco looked up into his eyes and Harry could see the confusion in the silver ones. Draco closed his eyes and seemed to be trying to think.

“Piano.” Draco eventually answered. Harry didn’t let go of Draco’s hand but let himself be led back through the house to the piano again. He made himself comfortable back on the sofa, knowing in all likeliness he’d be here for a while. He closed his eyes.

Harry woke to the chiming of the floo, announcing someone’s arrival. The music had stopped at some point and he looked down to see Draco leaning against the sofa and holding his hand, fast asleep. He leant down and kissed Draco’s head.

“Draco, love. You need to wake up. We have company.”

“Harry….”

“I’m here. I think Tara has just arrived. You remember we organised an appointment with her.”

“Yes.” Draco opened his eyes and looked back at Harry, a bemused look on his face. “You’re only wearing a dressing gown.”

Harry glanced down at himself, and realised Draco was right. “You go greet her then. I’ll go get into something more company appropriate.” Draco had gotten dressed before his early morning music session, and although a little rumpled from falling asleep on the floor, was at least more appropriately clothed than Harry.

Draco snorted in response and Harry felt the wide grin spread across his face. Clearly the maudlin mood of the morning had lifted.

Harry hurried to the bedroom and quickly threw on some clothes. He opted for a shirt, so he didn’t have to pull anything over his head. He thought briefly about jeans but grabbed a clean pair of joggers instead. He was sure Draco would chastise him for his appalling fashion sense, but right now comfort over style was a definite priority, and he didn’t want to wear any tight material over his injuries. He left the bedroom and found Draco and Tara in the kitchen. Draco had put the kettle on and was heaping tea leaves into the pot to await the boiling water.

“Tara, how’re you doing? Looking lovely as ever.” Harry said with a smile, hugging her briefly and kissing both of her cheeks. 

“Better than you, by the looks of it.” She snorted in reply. Tara may be their therapist, but she was also their friend. He’d been seeing her for two and a half years and had introduced her to Draco a little less than two years ago; after Harry had first come to the Manor and seen first-hand the damage the war and Azkaban had done to Draco’s already ropy mental health. 

“Might have gotten myself into a little bit of a scrape.” Harry admitted, trying to keep the conversation light.

“More than a little bit of a scrape if the papers are to be believed.”

“And when do you believe anything in those rags.”

“Rarely, but then you look like you’ve gone a couple of rounds with a Dragon, so…”

“I fared better with the Dragon.” Harry replied grinning and thinking back to fourth year. “I’m okay now.” Harry said, glancing over at Draco to check he was still okay. Despite what he said, Harry was feeling very unsettled. Draco had poured the water over the tea leaves and was currently busying himself putting milk in two of the three cups. Harry went over to one of the cupboards and started rummaging for the tin of biscuits and hoping there were some in there. “How’s the husband?” Harry asked, looking over his shoulder.

“As well as ever. We had the mother-in-law over last weekend. It was frightful. She kept on complaining about my napkins. Who cares about napkins?”

“Napkins can be very important.” Draco replied, placing the three cups and saucers on the table with a bowl of sugar, before pouring out the hot brown tea. “You clearly weren’t raised right if you do not understand the importance of napkins.” 

“Only you would say that, Love.” Harry responded and placed his arm around Draco’s waist. He left it there when they both sat down on stools next to each other. Harry grabbed two lumps of sugar and stirred them into the black tea in front of him, ignoring the look of contempt his tea preference always caused on Draco’s face. Draco picked up one of the cups with milk and took a mouthful.

“So where’s your better third today?” Tara asked.

“Work.” Harry stated. He wished Blaise were here right now. He missed his solid warm presence and hated himself a little for wanting it. Blaise had known Harry would be out of sorts, it was why he’d wanted to take more time off work in the first place. It was only Harry’s stubbornness that prevented him doing so.

“And that’s okay with the two of you?”

“As okay as it can be. He needs to go to work. It’s important to him and he sacrifices enough for the two of us.” Harry replied, sticking to the logic of the arguments he’d given the night before. Then he looked pointedly at Draco trying to get across the message that Draco needed to talk about that without saying. Tara understood the message that Harry was worried about Draco, but the person she was more concerned about right now was Harry. Harry was too determined to pretend everything was alright for his own good.

“Hmmm… So which one of you is first, or do you want to talk together?”

“Up to you, Draco.” Harry said.

Draco took another mouthful of tea, his expression contemplative.

“I’ll go first. I think I have some things I need to talk about without you.” 

Harry nodded in understanding. Draco got up, his cup still in hand and walked towards the study, their usual room for therapy. Tara followed with her own cup of tea and gave Harry a small smile before she left the room. Harry drank his tea alone in the kitchen, dipping one of the ginger nuts he’d retrieved into the hot liquid and feeling unsure of what to do. He looked over at the pile of letters and the morning’s paper sat on the side and briefly debated reading them, before deciding against it. Even the thought of concentrating on reading hurt his head. The lavender potion definitely wasn’t as effective as the purple one, but at least his thoughts were clear, and it wasn’t like he’d have been able to read with the fuzzy side effects anyway. He went to the living room instead and turned the TV on. He didn’t even bother flicking through the channels and just left it on whatever daytime soap happened to be on. He didn’t really want to watch it; it was simply something to do. After an hour Draco returned.

“Your turn.” Draco said.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. It helps.”

“I know it does. Doesn’t mean I can’t check you’re feeling fine afterwards though.”

“I love you, you prat. Go on. Go bare your heart and complain about how irritating I am.”

“You are annoying.”

“And you’re a git.”

“Still yours though.”

“Always mine.”

Harry got up off the sofa. His ribs ached but it was tolerable.

“I’ll have your potions laid out with lunch when you’re done. Do you want the purple or the lavender one?”

Harry thought about it for a few seconds and assessed his discomfort. “Lavender. It’s not too bad. I’d rather a little pain than not being able to think straight. I’ll have the purple one with dinner.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Completely. Now give me a hug before I have to go in there.”

Draco stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Harry, careful to avoid any places the bandages sat under his clothes, so not to exacerbate any of the injuries. Harry breathed in the smell of Draco’s hair.

“I love you. If you need to interrupt for any reason you just come in and interrupt, okay. I know the rule is usually not to do that. But rules don’t matter as much as you feeling safe.”

“I love you too.” Draco replied and let his arms drop, although he did take Harry’s hand in his and give it a gentle squeeze. Harry looked into the silver-grey eyes and felt the warmth of feelings radiating from them.

“You’re really okay?” Harry asked.

“Yes. Now get off with you.” Draco smiled and shoved Harry gently.

“Fine, fine.” Harry smiled in response and made his way to the study.

“So, how are you really doing, Harry?” Tara asked, firmly.

“Better than I should be, I think.”

“Why better than you should be?”

“I don’t know.”

“You think you should be feeling worse? Is that physically or otherwise.”

“Probably and both”

“Come on now. I want better answers than that.” Tara chastised.

“He was playing the piano early this morning. I don’t know how early he started, or how long it went on for. But it worried me. It worried Blaise too.”

“But Blaise still went to work. That should tell you it wasn’t as bad as you’re building it up in your head.”

“I know. It’s just…”

“He was playing Debussy. He told me. What have we said before?”

“Debussy in the morning is fine. It’s Rimsky-Korsakov in the middle of the night that we should get worried about.”

“Exactly.”

“He was distant though.”

“He was feeling out of sorts. It happens. That isn’t going to stop. He used his coping methods.”

“I know. It’s just… I feel like it was my fault.”

“Why do you feel that?”

“I got hurt again.”

“And did you mean to get hurt”

“No, but it was my fault I got injured.”

“You work a dangerous job.”

“I know I do.” Harry paused. He didn’t want to say the next bit, though he knew he should. “I froze.”

“When?”

“At the raid.”

“You had a flashback.”

Harry nodded, feeling ashamed.

“Harry, you can’t help the flashbacks.”

“I know I can’t. But I shouldn’t have been there.”

“Probably not. Have they been getting worse?”

“Yes.”

“How long do you have before you have to go back to work?”

“I’m on six weeks medical leave.”

“And after that.”

“I don’t know. I told Blaise I’d think about asking to go on desk duty only for a while.”

“Do you want to?”

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“I hate desk duty. Mostly.”

“Only mostly.”

“Yes.”

“What else then?” Harry knew Tara already knew the answer to this question. It had come up many times before, but still he answered. She wanted him to say it out loud.

“Because I’m meant to save people.”

“Harry. You don’t owe it to anyone to rush into dangerous situations. You had too much put on you far too young. If you don’t want to do it anymore, you don’t have to.”

“What do I do instead? I can’t sit around the house. Me and Draco would drive each other insane. Well more insane. We’d probably end up killing each other. And he can’t leave.”

“Neither you nor Draco are insane. Although I agree that both of you sitting around the house all day together permanently wouldn’t be healthy for either of you.” Tara said, with a slight smile. “There are other jobs.”

“I was always meant to be an Auror, though.”

“You’re meant to be whatever makes you happy. What do you enjoy outside of work?”

“I like listening to Draco play. And hearing Blaise talk about his day. I like reading books, sometimes, and doing the crossword on Sundays with the two of them bickering about the answers.”

“Is there anything you like doing, just for you?”

“I used to like flying. But you know why I don’t do that anymore. I’ve never really thought about anything else, at least not anything else that I could do as a job.”

“Think about it. I know I shouldn’t tell you what to do with your life, but I think it would be a mistake for you to do back to active Auror duty. If I were an official Ministry therapist and had the right to, I wouldn’t sign you off to go back.”

“You probably shouldn’t.”

“I’m glad you understand.”

“I don’t know what to do with my life.”

“I don’t know either. I’m always here for you though. So are Blaise and Draco.”

“I know you are. I know they are too.”

“They will support you in whatever decision you make.”

“I think Blaise needs to talk about some things to someone who isn’t me and Draco.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I just do. I think me getting hurt again has affected him more than he lets on.”

“Blaise isn’t my client.”

“I know. Will you see him if I get him to agree? I know he’s happy with joint sessions with me and Draco, but I think he needs something different right now.”

“Of course I will.”

“I think I want to see Draco now.”

“Okay. Our time is nearly up anyway.”

“Thank you. And I will think about things.”

Harry left the study with Tara behind him and was immediately aware of the smell of baking. The warm sweet scent with a hint of vanilla hit his nostrils and was comforting. Draco was stood in the kitchen wearing an apron. There was a small smudge of flour on his cheek. 

“Biscuits or cakes?” Harry asked, noting the array of ingredients and bowls scattered around.

“Biscuits. And they won’t be out of the oven for another 10 minutes, and then they have to cool before I can finish them.” Draco replied, knowing Harry would want to eat the hot shortbread as soon as it came out of the oven.

“Spoilsport.”

Draco was not a good cook. He was not allowed near the kitchen if he was so much as considering making something that resembled a meal. What he was good at though, was baking. His cakes, biscuits and pastries were delectable. Sometimes he made savoury filled pies, although either Harry or Blaise had to assist with the fillings, otherwise the results would be inedible. But when he made sweet foods, no matter how complex the recipe, it always turned out perfect.

“I wish I could wait around and try some.” Tara said. “But I have to go. I have a client due in thirty minutes at the office.”

“We’ll send you some as soon as their ready.” Draco grinned. “I’m sure Arti will enjoy the task. He does get a little fractious when he doesn’t get out enough.”

“I shall look forward to it. I’ll see you two Monday unless I hear otherwise. Same time?”

“11 o’clock will be fine. We’ll see you Monday.” Harry responded.

Tara made her own way out, as she usually did. She’d been here often enough to know her way around their home.

“You, my dear, have flour on your face.” Harry said, brushing his thumb over the smudge on Draco’s cheek.

“I was thinking about making fudge.”

“I do like your fudge.”

“If I didn’t know you as well as I do, I would think you were being crude.” Draco kissed Harry gently. Capturing their lips together for a couple of seconds. An action of pure affection. “Do you want vanilla or salted?”

“Salted, always salted.”

“I shouldn’t even have asked, should I?”

“Nope.” Harry grinned widely.

“Was your session okay?”

“Yes. Lots to think about though.”

“Do you need a hug?”

“Probably.” Harry admitted, loving that Draco could read him so well.

Draco immediately wrapped his arms around Harry and pressed their mouths together again. It started out sweet and soft but quickly became more heated, tongues tangling together and hands grasping under clothes, both of them needing the skin to skin contact. 

“Fuck… I love you.” Harry gasped, coming up for air. The scent of the half-baked biscuits mixed with the scent that was purely Draco was heady. Draco started kissing his neck and undoing the buttons of his shirt. Kissing each segment of skin that was uncovered as the buttons came apart. Harry wished that the bandages weren’t there so Draco so access every inch of him. The kisses got lower and lower, and before Harry realised, Draco was kneeling on the floor. He rubbed his cheek against the fabric of the jogger’s Harry was wearing and Harry gasped at the sensation against his very hard cock. As Draco eased the material down, Harry knew he wouldn’t last very long. 

The warm hot mouth enclosed around him and Harry lost himself in the sensation. He may have said some incomprehensible words at some point, but mostly he stayed silent, gripping onto the bench behind him as his world reduced to only the feel of Draco. 

“Love you, love you, love you.” Harry cried out, as his release spilled into Draco’s mouth, his head tilted back, and his eyes closed. Both he and Draco were left panting.

“Well that was a sight worth seeing.” The warm voice with a hint of humour came from the kitchen door. Harry opened his eyes to see his other lover leaning against the door frame. “I don’t think I could be any harder if I tried.”

Before either Harry or Draco could say anything, the little electronic timer Draco used when baking alerted.

“The biscuits are ready.” Draco said, standing up. Harry noticed the wet patch on the front of Draco’s trousers where he’d also come.

“The biscuits are very important.” Blaise grinned. “Although seriously. Does one of you want to give me a hand? I feel very left out right now.”

“Sure you do, love.” Harry pulled his trousers back up and walked over to Blaise. Draco went to the oven to remove his baking efforts. “You know you could have interrupted.” Harry whispered in Blaise’s ear as he embraced the other man.

“And ruin such a gorgeous sight.” Blaise murmured back, and Harry cupped his hand over the erection that was evident in Blaise’s tight trousers. He let one of his fingers slide down the bulge and enjoyed the shiver he induced. Had he not just come, he was sure he would be hard again at the reaction.

“Are you just going to tease me?”

“Maybe? Do you need to get back to work?”

“Afternoons at home for the next week, option to negotiate more. Although I need to finish the design I’m working on to her satisfaction before she’ll consider it. So I do have to actually work whilst I’m here, but I could do with a lunch break.”

“Then I think we can take this to the bedroom.” Harry kissed Blaise hard. “Draco, you joining us?” Harry panted out, breaking the kiss.

“These do need to cool before I add the caramel and chocolate.” Draco grinned.

“I really don’t understand how people manage with just two in a relationship.” Blaise said, grabbing both his lovers by the hand and dragging them to the bedroom.

Harry spent the afternoon helping Draco finish the millionaire’s short bread, as well as assisting on the batch of fudge, Draco insisted was essential. When their efforts were done and cooled, they sent a selection of each off to Tara. Blaise had spent his afternoon in the study working on some new coat design for the spring collection, and how to work a variety of charms into the fabric. Harry didn’t really understand Blaise’s job in the fashion industry, but he knew his partner loved it, horrible boss aside. Blaise and Harry made dinner together that evening, with Draco sat watching whilst he completed the cryptic crossword from the weekend Prophet, that had been neglected until that point, making the odd comment now and then. Harry could never manage the cryptic crosswords, sticking to the regular kind, but Draco loved them. This is how evening should always be, as far as Harry was concerned. Then an owl approached the window with a red letter in its claws and everything went wrong.

“Blaise, get Draco into another room. Now!” Harry demanded urgently, terror in his eyes, but it was already to late. Draco had spotted the red envelope and the look of fear and panic on his face was horrifying. Draco crumpled to the floor, his hands pressed over his ears, rocking back and forth. Harry didn’t need to hear what he was muttering to know it wasn’t good. Harry shoved up the strongest silencing charm he could manage between him and Draco, protecting his lover from whatever the envelope had to say. He desperately wanted to wrap his arms around the other man, particularly when he saw Blaise standing back, a sure sign that Draco’s magic was going awry with what was happening. He needed to get this over with first. Taking a deep breath and pointing his wand at the envelope rattling slightly on the counter where the owl had left it, Harry cast a spell to open the letter, hoping and praying the message would be short. 

**Harry James Potter. Where the hell are you? You haven’t answered any of our letters and when we went round to your house you were nowhere to be found! If you do not get in contact with us immediately! we will have no choice but to alert the Aurors that you are missing. You will get in touch. NOW!**

The shrieking voice of Hermione broke off and Harry immediately dropped the silencing charm. Dropping to the floor he wrapped Draco tight in his arms, ignoring the slight sting of magic as he did so. Blaise was still stood on the far side of the kitchen, unable to get closer.

“Shhh… it’s all right love. It was for me, not you. You’re safe and we love you. No one is trying to hurt you. Blaise and me would never let anyone hurt you. I love you. I love you. Please, Draco. Come back to me. Come back to us. We need you. You are safe.”

Harry repeated this over and over, willing Draco to hear, but Draco remained unresponsive. Blaise caught his eye at some point and threw him a calming draught from as near as he could approach. Harry thought it was a little closer than where he’d last seen Blaise standing but wasn’t sure. The wild magic radiating off Draco was still keeping the other man at bay. Only Harry could approach when he was like this. The shared wand, the reason he had been able to enter the Manor in the first place, was the most viable explanation they had been able to come up with. Episodes like this had been all too frequent when Draco had first got out of Azkaban. Eventually Harry had worked out a way to able to alter the wards at the Manor, as long as he was touching Draco when he accessed them and prevented any mail from all but a select through. This prevented the numerous Howlers from public furious at Draco’s relatively light sentence. Each Howler Draco had received had made his reaction to them worse, until just seeing one was enough to set off an episode like this. It was also how he’d altered the floo to allow access in and out through Grimmauld place. Otherwise they’d be stuck with Draco having to physically escort them in and out of the gates, which was at best impractical. Harry’s magic and Draco’s resonated together. 

Harry managed to get Draco to take one of the calming draughts and the magic settled. The second it did Blaise had his arms around both of them. They all had tears streaming down their faces. Blaise eventually lifted Draco and carried him to the bedroom. Placing him in the middle of the bed, he tucked the sheets around him. Harry wanted to do nothing more than to curl himself around the other man, who looked so small and vulnerable at that moment. Blaise caught his arm, before he was able to do so.

“Harry, you need to deal with your friends before you can do that.”

“I don’t want to. He needs me more.”

“I know, Harry. But if you don’t they’ll send another one. Or worse.”

“I just want…”

“Harry, I want it to be okay too. I’ll be here with him.”

“He needs me.”

“I know he does. But he needs you to sort this more.”

Harry started sobbing again and felt Blaise’s arms around him. “Do this for him, okay. Just let them know you’re fine. I’m sure they’re just worried about you.”

“I know they are… but… Draco…”

“Draco will be right here. I’m not leaving his side for a second. I have a whole cupboard full of calming draughts, and if I really need it, there’s dreamless sleep.”

“I don’t want to leave.”

“You have to.” Blaise said, with a kiss that Harry knew meant he had no choice.

Harry reluctantly flooed to Grimmauld place. He reluctantly threw another handful of floo powder into the fire so he could travel to his actual destination. The only place accessible from the Manor was Grimmauld, so all journeys had to go through the old townhouse. He did not want to do this. He was furious at Ron and Hermione for putting him is this position. His ribs and head hurt, and the open wounds on his chest and thighs were starting to sting. He wanted to be at home with the horrible purple potion and a bath and Draco. Draco who was now dosed up on calming potions and dreamless sleep. Him and Blaise had had to give him a dose of the awful potion that drugged him into sleep before Harry had been able to leave without Draco’s magic flaring.

“Harry, you’re okay.” Hermione said, as he stepped into their main room and running forward. Before she could envelop him in a hug, Harry stopped her.

“Don’t touch me.” Harry responded, harshly.

“Harry?” Hermione’s tone sounded both worried and confused.

“You sent me a fucking Howler.” Harry held himself back from shouting, but knew his voice was cold. “A Howler. What the hell did you think you were doing?!”

“Harry, what’s wrong?”

“What do you think is wrong?” Harry spat.

“Harry what were we supposed to do? You didn’t answer our letters.”

“That might have been because trying to read made my head feel like it was split in two, so I didn’t realise you’d contacted me. Strangely enough, being screamed at had a similar effect.”

“Harry, mate. No need to act like this. We were worried, that’s all.” Ron interjected.

“Right now I don’t give two shits whether you were worried. I’m in pain and all I want to do is go home to bed, and I’m having to be here and deal with you.” It was spiteful, but Harry really couldn’t care less. 

“But the healers told us…”

“The healers told you what, Hermione?”

Harry could tell she was close to tears, but still he couldn’t bring himself to feel and iota of empathy for the person who had caused Draco to break down like he had. Even if she had no idea about the dramatic consequences of her actions.

“Seriously Harry. Don’t talk to Hermione like that.”

“I’ll talk to her how I want. A Howler.” Harry’s head was pounding now.

“We couldn’t get in contact with you and when we went to Grimmauld to check on you, like Ron told you we would, you weren’t there.”

“I couldn’t be out?”

“You’re meant to be resting.” Ron was now sounding almost as cross as Harry felt. “And it wasn’t just that you weren’t there. None of your stuff is there.”

“So you went rummaging through my house. What gives you the right?”

“Where the hell were you, Harry?”

“Staying with someone. Thought it was better to have someone help me right now.” Harry half lied.

“But you didn’t tell us.” Hermione pleaded. “We needed to know you were safe.”

“Well I was perfectly fine till I received your letter.”

“Fuck Harry, you’re not behaving like you. I think you should go back to hospital and check you’re okay.” Ron said, looking both concerned and annoyed now.

“No. I am perfectly fine. Or I will be as soon as I get my evening doses of potions. Doses which your interference has delayed, I might add.”

“You’re behaving like an arsehole, Harry.” Ron answered and Harry noticed Hermione was in tears.

“I’m in pain. I received a Howler from my friends just because I was out of touch for 24 hours. How am I supposed to act? Grateful?” Harry knew the last word came out sarcastically.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Hermione sniffed loudly after she said this.

“Well you did. Look, you know I’m fine now. I’m following all the healer’s instructions. Getting plenty of rest, taking my potions, doing the healing baths and all that. Can I please just go home?”

“Harry. We just wanted to make sure you’re okay. When we saw how empty Grimmauld was, we panicked.” Hermione pleaded

“Sorry for not telling you I wouldn’t be there then.”

“Are you going to be going back there now?”

“To Grimmauld place?”

“Yes.”

“No. I’m staying with someone else. The healers said it would be better if I had someone around.”

“You could stay with us.”

“No, I couldn’t. Now please let me go home.” Harry could feel his anger starting to ebb. He just wanted to get back to Draco. He pressed the ball of his hand into his brow, trying to make the pain go away for just a second.

“Is that what this other place is then? Home? Grimmauld looked like no one lived there anymore. It wasn’t just a few days of stuff missing. Nothing of yours is there.”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His head was really pounding.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I have someone looking after me, okay, but I don’t want to share that information. That’s all you need to know. I’ll write in a few days when I’ve calmed down. I’m sorry for worrying you.” Then adding, deciding he probably should, although he didn’t really feel sorry for it. “And for shouting I suppose.”

“We’re sorry for the Howler too.”

“Thanks.” Harry said, feeling the weight of everything that had happened pressing down on him as his anger abated. He grabbed a pinch of floo powder and threw it into the fire.

“Number 12 Grimmauld Place.” Harry said clearly. He didn’t see the puzzled looks on both Ron and Hermione’s faces at the floo address he’d given, as he stepped into the flames.


	4. Chapter 4

Draco still hadn’t left their bed by the time Harry’s first check up with the healer’s came on Friday. He’d sunk into one of the bouts of black depression that wouldn’t be shifted. He was unresponsive when spoken to. The only time he made any noise at all was when he woke up screaming in the middle of the night and started clawing red nail marks into his skin. Harry and Blaise took turns to just sit or lie with him. Harry had persuaded Blaise that he should continue going to work in the mornings, as there really was almost nothing either of them could do to bring Draco around quicker. It was just a matter of ensuring he was physically taken care of, which Harry was able to manage alone, mostly, using magic. Tara came by a couple of times, but there wasn’t anything she could really do to help either. She didn’t think changing his medication would do anything, although she had insisted on checking over Harry’s own medication from the healers and declaring that if he needed, he could safely take calming draughts when Draco’s nightmares got to him. She reminded Blaise and Harry that this had happened before, and he’d come out of it and would again this time. That they should just care for him as they’d done in the past; try to get him to eat and drink as much as they could, carry him to the toilet every couple of hours, bathe him, and most of all talking to him and reminding him he was safe. Harry knew that most healers would start suggesting Draco be taken somewhere where professionals could look after him when he ended up in these catatonic states of depression, the worst of which had lasted nearly a month, but Tara didn’t. She did everything she could instead to ensure Blaise and Harry could take care of him at home. She’d suggested it once in the early days of her helping them, before she’d really gotten to know the three of them, but Blaise had put his foot down, and Harry, not really knowing what was best had gone along with Blaise. This had happened very early on in their relationship, when Harry had still felt a little bit like an intruder. Harry had been staying in the house but hadn’t called it home yet. It was over that month of hell when their world had revolved around caring for Draco together, he had fallen in love with Blaise, and he him. Draco had been the centre of their worlds. Harry was still unsure exactly when he’d fallen for Draco but had a feeling it had started a long time before he’d first shown up at the Manor. That his coming here and pulling Draco out of the screaming whirlwind of magic that had flared not long after he’d arrived on official business and resulted in him staying first one night, and then nearly every night after that, had merely reawakened feelings that were already there, but buried. Tara had reluctantly accepted back then, but now it was a given that Draco would be looked after at home, and Harry and Blaise would do whatever was needed.

“I don’t want to go.” Harry said. Blaise had just gotten home from work and Harry’s appointment was in an hour. They were stood in the corridor just outside the bedroom with the door cracked. Not wanting Draco to hear them but also not wanting him out of their sight.

“I know you don’t Harry, but you need to. Just like you said I needed to continue with work.”

“Fuck, I hate this.”

“I do too. He’ll be fine. Go back and sit with him for a little bit. I’ll make some lunch and bring it to you. Hopefully, you can persuade him to eat something.” They didn’t want to resort to tube feeding him again. They all hated it when it came to that. Draco tended to respond a little better to Harry feeding him than Blaise, so normally that task fell to him. Not that either of them could get him to eat or drink much.

“I don’t know why he even lets me near him when he’s like this, let alone let me help him.” Harry said, a wave of guilt hitting him. “If I’d just remembered for one bloody second that my friends might check up on me it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Harry, love, you can’t blame yourself.”

“But I do. I do blame myself.”

“I love you, Harry. But you can be a right idiot at times.” Blaise wrapped his arms around Harry and held him tight. “You can’t beat yourself up about Draco being the way he is, okay. It’s crappy genetics and a crappy family that did the damage. Loving him just means we have to look after him when it gets too much. And that means looking after yourself too. Also if you go into a sixth-year shame spiral I will hex you. I can see where your mind is going, and I can’t look after both of you if you get yourself into that state. You couldn’t have done anything back then any more than I could.”

Harry sighed. He knew Blaise was right. And a sixth-year shame spiral would not help right now. Not that it ever helped, just Harry couldn’t always avoid it. “I just wish it was different.”

“If it were different you might never have ended up here, and I know I wouldn’t change that for anything. Draco wouldn’t either, you know.”

Harry went back to Draco’s side and led down on the bed next to him. He slipped his arms around the blond-haired man who was currently trapped inside his own bleak thoughts.

“Blaise is just getting some lunch for us. He’s making chicken and pesto toasted ciabattas with mozzarella. I’ve reminded him not to put tomato in them. I remember the hissy fit you threw the first time he made them for us and he accidently put tomato in yours. Do you want some water?” There was no response, not that Harry expected any. “I’m going to help you sit up, okay.” Harry eased Draco from the foetal position he was curled in up into a sitting position and arranged pillows behind him. He kept his arm around Draco’s waist and summoned the glass of water that was just out of his reach. He bought it to Draco’s lips and was pleased that he managed to get Draco to finish the glass. When he was done, he sent the glass back to the bedside table. He almost let the glass topple to the floor halfway through levitating it back when Draco leaned into him and rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. It was the most response he’d gotten in days. He let the arm around Draco’s waist, that was helping support him to stay upright, pull Draco in a little tighter. Draco rubbed his head against Harry’s shoulder. Harry wanted to look at him properly, to see whether the dead look had gone from his eyes, but couldn’t see from the position he was in. Blaise walked in with a tray of food and potions. He took one look at Draco and opened his eyes wide, before looking straight at Harry, enquiringly. Harry gave a small nod.

“Hello, loves. I’ve bought you some lunch. I’ve got your potions for you too, Harry.” Blaise dictated exactly what he was doing for Draco’s benefit. 

“Are you hungry?” Harry asked Draco and felt the small movement on his shoulder again. It could have been a nod, but Harry wasn’t ready to hope yet.

Blaise sat down on the bed with his plate in front of him. Harry had both his and Draco’s portions on his own plate. He tore small pieces of the toasted ciabatta off and fed them to Draco, who hadn’t moved from resting on Harry. In between the bites he fed to Draco he managed to eat his own lunch. When he was done, he downed his potions. He realised he only had twenty minutes to get to the hospital. He couldn’t leave now. Blaise clearly read his mind and stepped in.

“Harry, you need to go.” Blaise said. “You have to go to your appointment.”

“I’d rather stay here.”

“And both me and Draco will be furious if you don’t leave. It’s important for the healers to check on you.”

A hand crept into Harry’s. He felt a small squeeze. He knew this was Draco’s way of telling him it will be all right.

“Do you want me to go, love?”

Another small squeeze.

That small squeeze carried Harry through the entire excruciating wait at St Mungo’s before the healer called him in. The clinic was running twenty minutes behind – which wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but still longer than Harry liked. The appointment itself was relatively quick though. The healers were pleased with how everything seemed to be progressing. He was given a new bag of potions supplies, along with an appointment for the following week. He noticed that the there were fewer of the purple potions and that there were now several of phials of lavender potions in the collection. He hadn’t told the healer that he’d already made that particular switch already. It pleased him though that Draco had known how the potions step down worked. Draco could have had so many opportunities open to him with his various areas of expertise had the war and his health not taken them away from him. He was just walking out when he spotted a familiar bushy haired witch heading towards him. He glanced around looking for somewhere to hide. He did not want to face Hermione and was annoyed that she was even here. Clearly someone had blabbed his appointment time and she’d decided to stalk him. Before he managed to duck away, she called to him.

“Harry James Potter. Do not try and run from me.” He stopped, knowing it was no use.

“What do you want, Hermione?”

“What do I want? What do I want?” Her voice becoming more shrill. “I want to know what the hell is going on with you.”

“Nothing is going on with me, and I don’t really have time to stop and chat. I need to go home.”

“To this mystery home you won’t tell me and Ron about?”

“Don’t bloody announce it to the whole world Hermione. The last thing I bloody well need is the Prophet catching wind. Just let me go.”

“Not until you talk to me. We’re all worried. You’ve ignored letters from all of us. Molly is going spare. Ron’s pissed off at you. This isn’t like you.”

“Look, I’m fine. The healers are pleased with my progress. They think another two weeks of treatment and I’ll be good as new. I’m sorry I’ve not been writing but I’ve had other things on my mind. And I really do need get home.” Harry decided to play the guilt card. Draco had started interacting again and he wanted to be with him, not having this conversation. “I’m tired right now, you know the whole nearly dying thing a few weeks ago. I want to go and take a nap and if I talk to you now, I’ll just lose my temper. I have another appointment in a week. If you really want to sit and talk, it can wait till then.” 

Hermione scrutinised him, her eyes seeming to bore right to his core. He hoped that she couldn’t see into his mind, the way Snape had whenever he’d used a similar look.

“A week then. And you’ll write back to Molly to tell her you’re okay. Otherwise she’ll be turning up at Grimmauld and start panicking about you not being there.”

“Fine I’ll write to Molly. Now let me get to the floo.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

“If you want to. I’m not talking though.”

“I don’t know why you’re being so difficult, but I will get you to tell me eventually.”

They walked in awkward silence to the public floo. 

“My appointment next week is at 3pm. I will meet you here at 2pm. Just you, I’m not dealing with an irate Ron as well.”

“You can be a right git sometimes, Harry. I’m blaming the head injury and potions for now, but you won’t have that excuse forever.”

“See you.” Harry replied, not bothering to respond to her accusations. He just wanted to get back to Draco. “Number 12 Grimmauld Place.” Harry stated clearly and stepped into the green flames. Again Harry missed the confused look on his friend’s face at the floo address.

When Harry got to the Manor, he dumped his potions on the kitchen table and immediately went in search of his lovers. He started heading straight to the bedroom, but a call from the sitting room stopped him.

“In here, love.” Blaise’s voice rang out.

Harry couldn’t supress the grin when he walked into the room and saw Draco sprawled on the sofa, eyes closed, with his head in Blaise’s lap. Blaise was stroking the blond hair with one hand and seemed to be trying to do work on some sketch for work with the other. Blaise was dressed scruffily in an old t-shirt and grey joggers. Draco was wearing the soft white fluffy dressing gown Harry had bought him for Christmas last year. When Harry got closer to the sofa, Draco opened his eyes and then held his arms open to Harry. Harry welcomed the invite and sat of the edge of the sofa pulling Draco into a tight hug. He nuzzled into Draco’s neck, taking in the scent and feel of him, that he’d been missing desperately for days.

“You smell nice.” Harry murmured. Trailing little kisses on the exposed skin.

“I helped Draco have a bath whilst you were out.” Blaise replied for Draco, then when Harry looked up and met his eyes mouthed. ‘Not talking’. That was okay. It wasn’t unusual for Draco to develop selective mutism after bad episodes and they were used to just getting on with things when it happened.

“Hmmm, and I missed all the fun, did I? The healers were pleased though. I have a whole new bag of potions. I think there are a few changes.”

“Do you want me to go through it now?” Blaise asked.

“Finish your work, love. It can wait till after dinner.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Is there anything you want in particular to eat?” 

“I’m not fussy.”

“Draco?”

Harry got no verbal response, but he wasn’t really bothered. They always interacted with Draco exactly as they normally did. Never badgered him to talk, but also didn’t behave like he wasn’t there. Draco had said in one of their joint therapy sessions that it helped him to feel included even when he wasn’t ready to speak.

“I was thinking maybe we should get a takeaway and sit and eat it in front of the TV.”

“Sounds good to me.” Blaise said and Draco squeezed Harry’s hand once. Harry nodded at Blaise to let him know that Draco had agreed. “Perfect. I’ll pop out after I’m done with this sketch. There’s the new Thai place near Grimmauld. I think we have a menu somewhere in the kitchen. Why don’t the two of you go and pick some dishes and leave me in peace for an hour or so.”

Harry leant around Draco to give Blaise a kiss, then stood up.

“Come on you.” He said, dragging Draco to his feet. “To the kitchen and the takeaway menu. Cup of tea?”

Two squeezes in response.

“Wine?”

One squeeze.

“You want a glass too, Blaise.”

“There’s a bottle of white in the fridge.”

Harry took that to mean yes. Draco followed Harry through the house to the kitchen holding his hand. Harry grabbed three wine glasses down from the cupboard, and was surprised to feel two squeezes indicating a no. He looked at Draco who looked at the third glass and then at Harry pointedly, with a slight scowl.

“Am I not allowed a drink too?”

Draco’s eyes drifted over to the bag of potions.

“Come on, one drink will be fine.”

Draco stamped his foot, and then pulled Harry to the bag and grabbed out one of the hated purple potions. Then glared at the glass and the potions bottle in turn and squeezed Harry’s hand twice. Draco’s communication skills had come back, even if he wasn’t talking right now. It was one of the positive signs that Draco was actually feeling okay, normally it took at least a day before he started doing much more than hand squeezing. Unlike when he was in the catatonic state, his not verbally communicating wasn’t because he was incapable, but because he wasn’t ready. He needed the time to process and not talking gave him that time.

“I could just not take the purple one tonight. The dressings didn’t hurt coming off at all yesterday. Can I have a glass with the lavender one?”

Harry watched Draco consider for a few seconds, chewing on the inside of his cheek contemplatively. Then he rolled his eyes and shrugged. Harry took that as agreement and grinned. He kissed the tip of Draco’s nose before going to the fridge and grabbing the bottle out and pouring three glasses.

“You see if you can find that menu whilst I run this into Blaise. Okay.”

Blaise accepted the glass without looking up from his sketch and waved Harry off. Two lovers refusing to talk him for the moment, it seemed. When he got back the kitchen Draco was perched on one of the stools looking through the menu with the glass of wine in his hand and chewing on his usual crossword pen. Harry almost wished he could take a photo of this moment. Draco looking so relaxed and beautiful, in nothing but a dressing gown, sat in their kitchen. Draco looked up and smiled at him, a bright unburdened smile. Anyone seeing him like this would never realise the everyday struggles just to function. 

“Decided?”

A shrug.

“Come on, let me look too.” Harry sat on the stool next to Draco and shuffled it so their legs pressed together. He rested one hand in the small of Draco’s back and summoned his glass of wine from the other counter. They bickered over the choices, or well Harry bickered and Draco gave him pointed looks and poked him on occasion. They eventually managed to come to an agreement, with Harry basically caving to whatever Draco wanted. As far as Harry was concerned, right now Draco could have anything he wanted. When Blaise waltzed in after he was finished with his work, he found Draco doing the crossword in the quibbler and Harry reading his neglected mail.

“I’ll be back soon.” Blaise said and grabbed the menu with their choices scrawled on it. He kissed Draco on the cheek then came to Harry to do the same.

“I know that look, Harry Potter. No feeling guilty about not replying to them. Sometimes you are allowed to be selfish.” Blaise whispered in his ear. Harry smiled gratefully. 

“Off with you, love. We’re hungry and wasting away here.”

Blaise gave him a wide grin in return and headed out towards the floo.

Harry was concentrating on the third letter in the pile from Molly. He took a sip of wine and frowned slightly at the demand that he come to the Burrow for Sunday lunch when he felt the warm arms around his waist. He tilted his head back and turned slightly to capture Draco’s mouth with his.

“Finished your crossword already?”

A hand found his and gave it a single squeeze.

“I don’t know how you manage to do the quibbler one. I never get more than one answer in that thing, and even then, I’m never sure it’s right.” Draco had an uncanny knack at knowing the answers to Luna’s crossword. Harry thought it might have something to do with the time the girl had spent in the dungeons at the Manor. Draco never spoke of that time with him or Blaise, but he knew from Luna and Dean that Draco had snuck them blankets and food whenever he could. He guessed, but had never confirmed, that his lover had also spent some time talking with them down there.

Draco ignored his question and instead looked at the letter Harry was reading and tilted his head, questioningly.

“It’s from Molly.” Harry answered, turning on his stool so he was facing Draco. “She wants me to come over on Sunday.”

Draco raised his eyebrows then reached to touch Harry’s face and letting his thumb smooth over the frown line that Harry was sure had manifested between his brows.

“I’m going to write back and tell her no. I don’t really feel up to a Weasley interrogation about my health.”

A small smile in response and then a squeeze of both hands at the same time.

“I’m sure, love. I want to spend my weekend with you and Blaise. I’ll cook a roast here for us and you can make me treacle tart.”

Draco licked his cheek in response.

“That’s disgusting dear, but I’m taking at as ‘yes, I’d be delighted to make you your favourite desert’.”

Draco sighed and gave Harry a tight hug.

“I love you too. Now let’s go find something crappy to watch on the TV and wait for our erstwhile lover to return with the food. Another glass of white?”

One squeeze of his hand.

Blaise came back to find them curled up on the sofa with a nature documentary about penguins on. He served the food and then sat on the floor, leaning up against the sofa next to the two of them. After they’d eaten Blaise went and grabbed the bag of potions and dug out the evening ones for Harry. Draco deftly swapped the purple one for the lavender one and Harry downed them as Blaise went to go run the bath. Blaise read to both Harry and Draco whilst Harry was soaking in potions, and Harry felt the last of the tension that had been pressing on him since the howler drift away.


	5. Chapter 5

The three of them had spent the weekend in a happy little bubble. Draco still wasn’t talking, other than the screams at night, but he showed no signs of either mania or depression making a move on him. Harry had replied to his post, apologising for not responding sooner and blaming the fact that his head injury had made reading impossible. He’d also let Molly know he wouldn’t be coming to the Burrow, as he wasn’t yet up to company. He did however promise Andromeda that he’d pop by during the week to see Teddy. Andi wasn’t going to bombard him with questions the way the Weasleys would, and he missed his godson. It also helped that Andi, unlike the others, knew that he was in a relationship, although she didn’t know who with. It had come up after him taking Teddy overnight once, and Harry staying in Grimmauld in order to do so. The consequence of Harry trying to stay the night away from the Manor had been a spectacular meltdown by Draco when he’d woken from a nightmare screaming and Blaise was unable to calm him down. Harry had had to apologise profusely to Andi when he’d dropped Teddy off at three in the morning in order to go home and deal with it. Andi hadn’t pressed the issue, even when he wouldn’t tell her who he was seeing, or why he hadn’t mentioned to anyone that he’d stopped living at Grimmauld Place. She also accepted that from that point onwards he would only take Teddy during the day. 

On Monday, Tara came by for her regular session. She hadn’t been by since Thursday, but Blaise had written to her over the weekend to let her know that Draco was doing better. When she arrived Draco and Harry were still in their pyjamas, eating a late breakfast in the kitchen.

“I believe this is why you two shouldn’t be left in the house together for extended periods of time. You’re a bad influence on each other.” Tara chastised.

“Morning. Crap is it already 11. Sorry, we did mean to be dressed.” Harry said, feeling slightly embarrassed for their states of undress.

“No worries. Draco, how are you doing?”

A shrug.

“Still not talking then?”

“I think he knows it makes mine and Blaise’s life more peaceful when we don’t have to… - “ A sharp poke jabbed at Harry’s hip where Draco had prodded him with a pen. “Oi. Git.”

Tara chuckled. “So who’s first then?

Draco shoved Harry off the stool he was sat on. “I think that means me. You’re very bossy for someone who isn’t talking.” It pleased Harry. The more bossy and playful Draco got the closer he was to speaking again, and although Harry would happily accept Draco like this if he never recovered further, he still missed the sound of his lover’s voice. Even if it meant a return to the arguments and teasing that came along with it.

Harry got a disdainful glare in response. Not that the arguments and teasing really went away even without Draco talking.

“Love you too.” 

Harry made himself comfortable in the study, taking the large, soft, decidedly ugly, blue armchair he liked. He had the mug of coffee he’d been drinking over breakfast and hadn’t finished in his hand.

“So, how are you coping with all of this now?” Tara started.

“I’m doing well. Pain is manageable and I’m pretty certain Draco will be talking again in another day or so.”

“That wasn’t what I meant, and you know it.”

Harry cringed internally. She never accepted the surface answers, and he knew better. It didn’t stop him trying sometimes though.

“Fine. I’m feeling guilty as hell, and even though Draco is doing better again, I blame myself for him having to go through that.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“It wasn’t. You didn’t tell anyone to send you a Howler. In fact, you and Blaise have gone to extensive efforts to prevent them from getting into your home. Just like the two of you set the house elves up at Grimmauld to prevent a similar reaction. Think positive. It lasted less than a week this time. How long was the last episode?”

“Nearly two weeks.” Harry said, her words not making him feel any better.

“So this tells us that things are better. This was a relatively short episode, even with the additional stress your injury has put on him. None of this is likely to go away entirely. It’s just going to get more manageable. And you and Blaise manage very well when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t stop the guilt though.”

“Is this guilt about this particular episode or is it the old guilt again?”

“Both.”

“You could not have prevented this. You have no reason to feel guilty. You and Blaise help make things better not worse.”

“I’ve been having flashbacks to the bathroom this week. I haven’t mentioned it to them, but I think they both know anyway.”

“It was an awful thing for you to do, but even if you’d acted differently and tried to help him them, it was unlikely to have changed anything. Me, you and Draco have spoken at length about this before.”

“I don’t get why Dumbledore didn’t fucking help though.” Harry shouted. “He knew. He knew all fucking year what was happening, and he let Draco deteriorate. I know now that he’d been having periods of depression and mania from fourth year, so don’t bloody well try and comfort me with that, but that year it got so much worse. And I know he still has nightmares about trying to fix that cabinet and bleeding out on the tiles with Myrtle screaming and me just watching him. It’s the worst thing I ever did, and I can’t take it back. Why can’t I take it back?” Harry’s eyes were burning. He’d stood up at some point during rant. He slumped back down in the chair when he realised. Tara didn’t say anything, just let him sit with his guilt. She wanted him to think and process, but he didn’t want to. His and Draco’s lives had both been manipulated by the same two old men in different ways, and neither of them had come out unscathed. Even if both Dumbledore and Voldemort were now dead, their legacy lived on in the two of them. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and he could hear nothing by white noise. He was caught in the memories trailing backwards through time. Of the bathroom, the graveyard, the chamber, the cupboard under the stairs. Stuck forever in the small space with the shouting man and bitter woman and forever hungry. Always empty.

Someone warm crawled into his lap. Arms were around his neck and soft kisses were being placed on his face.

“Not your fault.” The voice was a whisper. Harry didn’t respond. Didn’t open his eyes. There was a murmured conversation that he couldn’t comprehend, then Harry was being helped to his feet. He was led to the bedroom where he was tucked up under the duvet. The body pressed against him as he led down and sobbed was all the comfort he needed. Fingers ran through his hair. Then the warmth got up and left him and he felt empty again. It felt like eons, but Harry knew that logically no more than a minute had passed, when the warm presence was back with him. Not curling up behind him now but kneeling in front of him next to the bed and pushing potion phial into his hand. Harry downed it without any need for encouragement and felt the peace of the calming draft settle through him.

“It’s good we manage to break down in turns.” Draco said.

“Yeah. I think Blaise might end up having his own nervous breakdown if we ever managed it at the same time. I don’t know how he stays sane with the two of us. I missed your voice by the way.”

“You always do.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. How bad was the flashback? I know you had one.”

“Medium.”

“So pretty bad then.”

“Yeah.”

“You know there was nothing you could have done to help earlier.”

“I know.”

“But you still get upset.”

“Just like you do.”

“We’re both disasters, aren’t we?”

“Pretty much. Wish Blaise was here.”

“I do to. Now tell me where you went.”

“Dursleys.”

“They were bastards, and the Headmaster was a bastard for insisting you stay with them.”

Harry smiled. It was a small smile, but a smile none the less.

“Come here.” Harry opened his arms, inviting Draco to get off the floor by the bed. The two of them didn’t speak any more. The cuddled up together in the bed until they both fell asleep. Blaise found them a few hours later but didn’t disturb them. There was a note from Tara on the kitchen counter saying she’d be back tomorrow as Draco and Harry had needed some time. Blaise guessed one of them had broken down and hoped it had been Harry. He’d been expecting it since he’d come home from the hospital, and knew the longer he tried to hold it off the worse it would be. Harry’s breakdowns weren’t as dramatic as Draco’s, but they were horrible all the same. Still, Blaise knew it needed to happen or Harry would let it build up inside him, eating away at the strength that had grown over their relationship until he was left a guilty, angry, broken shell. The shell that Blaise had met when he’d first come into Draco and his lives again after the war. Harry may not be quite so cracked and broken as Draco, but it didn’t mean he was whole either. It was one of the reasons the two of them got each other. It was also why they both needed him. Blaise made himself a sandwich and sat in the kitchen to get on with his afternoon’s work. There was no point in disturbing either of his two lovers before dinner.

After Harry’s break down things settled down for a few days. Tara came by the next day and spoke to both Harry and Draco and was due back on Saturday to talk to the three of them together. Harry’s wounds were healing, and he had only needed the purple potion once, instead managing mainly with the lavender one. Draco was baking again, and Harry spent his days watching Draco dance round the kitchen to muggle music, laughing and tasting the various in progress creations. When the weather was nice, they walked round the extensive gardens or just sat out there and read or talked under piles of blankets. Warming charms keeping away the December chill. It felt more like a holiday to Harry, than him being off on sick leave. There were still the even dressing changes, but the wounds were healing, and his head was hurting less. On Wednesday afternoon, when Blaise got back from work, Harry headed out of the house and its grounds, secure in the knowledge that Draco was safe and happy for the time being. He went to see Andromeda, who he’d missed, and Teddy, who he’d missed even more. 

“I’ve bought you baked goods.” Harry announced as he walked into the small cottage, not bothering to knock. 

“Hello Harry.” Andromeda called from the living room. “How are you doing?”

Harry made his way towards the voice and found Andromeda sitting on the sofa with her feet up and a book in her hand. The radio was playing quietly in the background. She put the book face down when Harry entered.

“I’m not too bad. How have you and Teddy been?”

“We’ve been well. You’re certainly looking better.”

“You came to see me in the hospital? I don’t remember.”

“You were pretty out of it.”

“I think I spent most of my time in that place pretty out of it. Where’s Teddy?”

“Nap. He should wake up about 4pm so you’ll be able to see him before you need to leave.” This was one of the nice things about seeing Andi, that he never got with the Weasley’s. She understood that he needed to stick to a schedule in terms of leaving without asking questions as to why. Nor did she try to persuade him to stay longer. “Do you want a cup of tea?”

“That sounds lovely.” 

Andromeda got up, and Harry noticed how tired she looked. She seemed to have aged in the month since he’d seen her last. It concerned him, but he didn’t mention it, just handing over the box of sweet treats Draco had made.

“Oh my god, these are amazing.” Andromeda said after taking a bite of the salted caramel cupcake with little bits of home-made fudge crumbled onto the butter cream. “Partner number one?”

“Yeah. Lots of baking this week.”

“Well tell partner one, thank you from me. He should do this professionally.”

“He should.” Harry said, a little sadly. He wished Draco could do this for a living. That he could feel comfortable enough in himself and others’ reactions to him. “I think he’d be good at it.”

“Have they been okay? Both of them?” Andromeda knew about a lot of Draco’s issues, even if she didn’t know who he was. Harry talked about Draco and Blaise a lot with Andromeda, even if he still didn’t feel comfortable telling her their names. “I wanted to write to them when you got injured. To let them know what was happening.”

“It’s been hard. Number two stayed off work at home with number one whilst I was in the hospital. It was pretty bad from what I’ve been told. And One had a nasty episode last week.”

“Is he doing better now? I assume so or else you wouldn’t be here.”

“Yes. It only lasted a few days.”

“I wish you’d tell me their names.” Harry flinched. “Don’t worry I’m not going to pressure you.” Andromeda quickly reassured. “I’m happy to wait until you’re ready to share it with me. It’s just, you know I know what it’s like to see someone you care about go through some of these things. I won’t judge and won’t tell anyone. I just want to help. It runs in my family and I have seen how bad it can get. And I can see how much you love them, and how much you want to talk about the two of them.” Harry was fairly certain, with everything he had given away over the year Andi had known about his relationship, she had probably guessed who he was seeing, or at least about Draco. He still didn’t feel ready to actually say it out loud and confirm it, however.

“I know, Andi. It’s just… Complicated.”

“I get that.”

“He really is better at the moment though. Hence the baked goods.”

“Are you sure? I know what Bella was like.”

“He’s not Her.” Harry hated the reminder that Draco had the same condition Bellatrix Lestrange had. 

“I know he’s not. I’ve heard enough stories about him and how the three of you cope together to know that. But I knew her before she became… what she became.” Harry and Andi had discussed Bellatrix at length before. How their parents had never let her seek proper treatment. How Bellatrix had used dark magic to avoid the depression she felt she couldn’t live with, and how, as a side effect, she ended up succumbing completely to mania. Becoming the insane women he’d met and who’d killed her own cousin.

“The potions help. Tara helps. He won’t become like her.”

“I’m glad. And you?”

“I’m…” Harry wasn’t sure what he was. Better than a week ago, but more than that he couldn’t really say. “I’m coping. Ron and Hermione are mad at me though.” 

“Why?”

“I kind of forgot to get in contact with them. They went to Grimmauld and freaked out that none of my stuff was there. Hermione sent a Howler.”

“Is that what caused Partner number one to have an episode?” Andi knew about the objection to Howlers. 

“Yup. So I ended up going round to theirs and shouting at them. I know they didn’t mean to do it, but he was a state and I had to leave him like that in order to reassure them. He was the one that needed me.”

“You can’t blame them for being worried.”

“I know. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them.”

“You could, you know.”

“They wouldn’t understand. Not with…”

“You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to, Harry.”

“There’s history. And I don’t think they’d be quite so understanding as you about his illness. We also all made a pact that until Partner one is ready, then we don’t tell people. It’s not fair if I only tell people about partner two. Even though I think most people would accept me being with him, although they probably won’t like it at first. I think they’d probably want to have me committed if I told them who partner one is.” 

“You could tell them you’re in a relationship. They won’t care that it’s two men you’re seeing. And I don’t think they’ll care so much about him being sick. It’s not like he can help it and he’s getting all the right treatment.”

“I know you’re probably right, at least about them being men thing. Not sure about the illness thing. They’d accuse me of being with him just because of the whole saviour complex they think I have. It’s just, even if I just told them I was seeing two men, Hermione would get overly enthusiastic and supportive, which I don’t want or need. And Ron would probably be weird and awkward and end up overcompensating. I just don’t want to deal with all of that, although after the other night I think I’m going to have to, at least a little. They know I’m in a relationship now. I had to tell them something about why I wasn’t staying at Grimmauld.”

“Did you actually tell them, or just let them assume?”

“Assume. I’m fairly certain they think I’m seeing some girl and have just moved in with her. You know I always keep the downstairs rooms at Grimmauld looking relatively lived in, but they must have gone upstairs and seen it was completely empty of any of my stuff. Anyway. Enough about me. I want to know how you and Teddy are. Has he said any new words yet?”

They chatted about Teddy for a little while. He’d spent a few mornings at the Nursery Andi had enrolled him in, so he could play some other kids his own age. She would have like him to have gone the local muggle one, but due to his Metamorphmagus abilities, that wasn’t possible. Harry, instead, was paying for him to go to the very exclusive wizarding one in Hogsmeade. Blaise had been sent there when he was little and had suggested it when Harry was expressing his frustration about the situation. Draco thought it was a great idea. He had mostly been raised by house-elf Nannies, and never really got to interact with other children. He would have loved to be able to play with others when he was little. He said maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have been so appalling at trying to make friends when he got to Hogwarts. His only interactions with children of his own age when he was small had been with the children of his parents’ friends, and he had always been expected to behave like the perfect pure-blood. Playing was out of the question. 

A disturbance upstairs told them that Teddy was awake, and Harry went up to get him. He was greeted with a rather slobbery kiss from the toddler.

“You want to come and have some cake, my Teddy Bear?”

“Nom Cake.”

“Your cousin made it especially for Grandma Andi. He’s very good at making cake.” With Andi downstairs and unable to hear them, Harry felt comfortable about talking more freely about his lovers. The toddler wasn’t quite at the stage where he’d be able to give away Harry’s secrets. “One day I’m going to introduce you to him. I’m sure he’ll adore you as much as I do. So will Blaise. He’s Harry’s other friend. He doesn’t make cake, but he will draw you lots of pretty pictures.”

“Cake.”

“Yes.” Harry laughed at the toddler. “We’re going to get cake now.”

Harry took Teddy downstairs and spent a further hour with the two of them. Laughing at Teddy when he got the sticky buttercream over his face. Blaise had bought some crayons and a colouring book last time when he heard Harry was coming here today. Andi told Harry off for spoiling him, but Harry didn’t care. Especially when he saw the delight on Teddy’s face at the present. Teddy spent a very productive 10 minutes scribbling with his new crayons over the picture of a unicorn from the colouring book. Harry ended up taking the picture home with him when he left, where it was put in pride of place on their notice board in the kitchen. 

Draco had snaked his arms around Harry after he’d pinned up the colouring. Blaise was sat in the study still working and would have to be shown the artwork later. He’d be especially pleased at how his present went down.

“One day we’ll have him over here.” Draco said and kissed the side of Harry’s neck, noticing Harry’s introspective mood.

“As soon as you’re ready. Until now, this is enough.” Harry turned his head slightly so he could kiss Draco back.

“I love you.”

“And I love you, you sappy git. Now, are you happy with lasagne for dinner?” 

“Always.”

____________________

Hermione was waiting by the floo point at St Mungo’s, as if she expected Harry to try and avoid her if she wasn’t watching. She tried to hug him when he approached her, but he held her back. Physical touch hurt his injuries, and although it was worth it with Draco and Blaise, he didn’t really want to with anyone else.

“Sorry, I’m still sore.”

“No, no. It’s fine. I should have thought about it.”

“Yeah. Do you want to get a coffee?”

“Okay.”

It had never been this awkward between the two of them before, and Harry felt guilty, knowing the distance was his fault.

“Your hair looks good by the way.” Hermione commented. “I wanted to say before, but you didn’t give me a much of a chance.”

“Umm, yeah. My friend sorted it for me. Didn’t want to leave me looking ridiculous.”

“Well, I like it.”

The silence sat uncomfortably between them as they continued to walk.

“What do you want Hermione? I’ll order while you find a table.”

“Oh, a cappuccino will be fine. Decaf.”

“Any food?”

“A slice of Bakewell if they have any.”

Harry joined the que, thinking about Bakewell tarts and whether Draco could make one over the weekend. He didn’t want to eat any of the cafeteria’s pastries, they just weren’t as good as he was used to, but the idea of the raspberry and almond treat was sticking. He bought a slice, along with Hermione’s coffee and a pot of earl grey for himself. He found the table Hermione was now sat at and passed her, her cup and plate over, then sat down and poured out his own cup of tea. He opened and stirred in two packets of sugar. He thought about it for a second and added a third. It felt like a three-sugar kind of conversation.

“I don’t know how you drink your tea like that.” Hermione grimaced, and Harry smiled, thinking about Draco and his own horror at Harry’s tea preferences. If he tried to get away with three sugars at home, he would be scowled at for hours. Sweet black tea was a crime against wizarding kind according to his aristocratic blond.

“Just do.” Harry said, and drank a small, but scolding mouthful. He should have asked for some cold water to add.

“Harry, are you going to tell me what’s been going on with you? You’ve been avoiding everyone since you got out of this place and we’re concerned.”

“I’ve been at home resting. That’s all.”

“This home you won’t tell anyone where it is.”

“It’s… look it’s private and I have good reasons for keeping it that way.”

“What are we supposed to think. I get why you might have wanted to stay with someone for a few weeks whilst you were healing. And I’m assuming this friend you’re talking about is more than a friend, and that’s why you chose to live with her over me and Ron. But Grimmauld doesn’t look like you just moved out for a few weeks. It looks like you have moved out permanently. None of the family even knew you were in a relationship, so I can only assume this is pretty new. Just because you were hurt is no reason to behave rashly and jump into this.”

“Urr… Hermione, you’re working from a few faulty assumptions.” Harry knew the only way he was going to be able to explain this was with at least half the truth. “I’ve been in a relationship for the last two years, and moved out of Grimmauld officially about 18 months ago, although I was pretty much living with them for a while before that.” He looked down at his tea, stirring the liquid with the teaspoon he’d left in the cup, as he said this, not wanting to meet her eyes. 

“Harry! Why didn’t you tell us? Didn’t you think we’d be happy you’ve found someone. No one’s upset about the fact that you and Ginny aren’t together anymore.” Hermione sounded over the moon at the prospect of him finding someone. Then she had been going on about him getting back out there and meeting someone for a while.

“It’s not that. And Andi knows, has done for a year.”

“Then why?”

“Um… It’s just important that it stays a secret. We couldn’t risk the prophet finding out.” That was only a small part of it, he really wanted to avoid sharing any more. It was Hermione though; she wouldn’t let him leave it at that.

“None of us would ever tell the Prophet.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Harry sighed, resigned to his fate. “Look there are other reasons too. I…” He paused, knowing he had to continue but not wanting to.

“Harry, tell me.” She looked at him with the same expression she used back in school, when she found out he and Ron had put off their homework and were frantically doing it the night before it was due in.

“Look, my relationship isn’t exactly what you’d call conventional.”

“And what does that mean.”

“Hermione, please don’t force me to tell you this. It isn’t fair.”

“Harry. I’m just worried. We’re all worried about you.”

Harry looked up towards the ceiling and closed his eyes, silently cursing how meddling his friend was being. It was with great effort he finally looked back at her. She was still staring at him with no hint of backing down.

“I’m gay, Hermione.”

“Oh.” Hermione exclaimed, then rushing on, talking far too fast. “Well, there’s nothing that unconventional about that. At least in wizarding society. Muggles have been getting better recently too. They’ve finally matched the age of consent. You didn’t have to worry about us thinking there was anything wrong with that. I know your relatives were homophobic, but you know that none of us are. We all just want you to be happy. You should bring him over to the Burrow next week. Molly would love to have someone else to feed. Maybe we should all go out to a club one night. Somewhere where you’d both be comfortable. I’ve always wanted to go to a gay bar… Maybe we could go to the next Pride. I know it’s not for a few months but....”

Hermione rattled on and Harry sighed. If he didn’t stop her, she’d go on for hours.

“Hermione, give it a rest. I’m perfectly comfortable with being gay. I came to terms with it when I decided to move in with them. It’s not that. I probably should have told you guys sooner, but then I would have had to explain how I knew, and that was a whole thing I didn’t want to get into. Its…I’m living with and in love with two men. Not just one. And that’s all you’re getting from me. I’m not telling you who they are. It’s not just me that needs to keep this a secret.”

“Well…”

“Look don’t be freaked out by it. It works for the three of us.”

“I’m not freaked out. As long as you’re happy, none of us care.” Harry wanted to roll his eyes at that. His happiness would go out the window if he mentioned Draco in front of any of the Weasley’s or Hermione. They’d probably see past their Slytherin prejudice and accept Blaise, he was better around people than either Harry or Draco anyway. He could charm anyone if he decided that was what he wanted. Any mention of the Malfoy family though… It didn’t bear considering; not until Draco felt ready to deal with the backlash. Hermione continued. “The only thing I’m concerned about is that you decided to hide this for so long, but it’s done now. At least this explains why you’re not a Grimmauld, what it doesn’t explain is why you freaked out so badly about the Howler though. I am sorry I sent it. But your reaction was completely over the top.”

Harry rubbed at the back of his neck. Wishing there were a way he could get out of saying the rest of this. It was the only way he’d get Hermione to leave it alone and ensure she never even considered sending one again. He wished he could have lied and put everything on him, to protect Draco, but his anger couldn’t be explained with anything but the truth, at least to Hermione.

“I know my reaction was a little extreme. But… One of my partners isn’t very well. Me getting injured didn’t help matters, and then the Howler set him off. When I came to you that evening, I had just spent half an hour drugging him to sleep after he’d completely lost it because of your letter. He spent four days in bed unable to even get up to take himself to the loo. We had to do everything for him. It’s not the first time it has happened, and almost certainly won’t be the last. It’s just something we deal with, but it’s upsetting every single time. He was just coming out of it when I had to go to my last week’s appointment, which was why I was in such a rush to go home.”

“Shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Hermione looked slightly appalled at herself. At least she was taking this seriously.

“Yeah, well the war fucked up a lot of people.” Harry replied. It was a truth that Hermione would accept.

“It isn’t fair that it’s still affecting people like that. I mean, it will three years in May.” It really wasn’t. He just wished that the sympathy that was reflected in her voice could have applied to people on the other side, not just those on theirs.

“Three years isn’t that long to get over some of this stuff. And he had the disadvantage of not only what happened, but that he was ill beforehand. He wasn’t diagnosed until after the war, but he’s had symptoms since he was fourteen. The war didn’t cause his condition, but the incredibly fucked up shit he saw did make it worse.” So did Azkaban, but Harry couldn’t tell her that without revealing everything. “The three of us manage it together.”

There was a long pregnant silence.

“I want to meet them. Both of them.”

“No.” It was an instantaneous response. There was no way he was letting Hermione anywhere near Draco, especially not now.

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t leave home and you’re not going there. It’s the way it has to be. I would let you meet my other partner. We joke that he’s the only sane one out of the three of us.” Harry smiled, thinking about Blaise. “But we made a decision that until all three of us are ready and able to, no one will know. The only person that knows about the three of us properly is our mind healer. Andi’s known about the relationship for a year and I still haven’t told her their names. Keeping it a secret protects them. It’s just not possible to let you know.”

“I’m not happy about it -” Hermione huffed. “- but fine. I’ll respect your decision. Why does Andromeda know anyway? I mean I know you go there to see Teddy every week, but that doesn’t explain why she got to know first.”

“There was an incident. I was looking after Teddy overnight and had to bring him back to her in the middle of the night because D… partner number one, that’s how me and Andi refer to them by the way. Partner one and Partner two. It makes it less confusing. Well, partner one had a nightmare and partner two couldn’t calm him down. I couldn’t take Teddy with me home, I was staying at Grimmauld that night as it made more sense for me to have Teddy there, especially not when partner one was having a panic attack. The next day when I went to explain and apologise to Andi she told me about Bellatrix. She had the same condition partner one has, only she didn’t deal with it in the same way we manage and it’s why she was the way she was.”

“He has the same thing as Bellatrix Lestrange?” Hermione’s eyes went wide, and she looked scared. This was exactly what he’d wanted to avoid. “And he’s safe to be around.”

“It’s not his fault.” Harry said defensively. “Andi has told me all about Bellatrix and how she was never able to get proper treatment. It wasn’t the disease that caused her to become a psychotic murderer. It was the lengths she went to, to manage the symptoms. There are plenty of other people world with bipolar disorder. It is manageable without resorting what she did. It was how she managed the symptoms that resulted in her being the way she was. He’s nothing like her.”

Hermione flinched slightly under his glare.

“Sorry, Harry I didn’t mean to imply. It’s just…” Hermione took a deep breath. “So that’s what he has then. Bipolar disorder.”

“That’s probably the closest muggle equivalent – there isn’t much research into magical mental health issues. It’s pretty similar though. He also has severe anxiety and PTSD. It’s a fun mix. Especially coupled with my ability to get myself severely injured on a semi frequent basis. Poor partner two has a lot to deal with between the two of us.”

“Okay, I get now why you’re so protective. I’m assuming… partner two is equally protective. What that still doesn’t explain, is why you still floo to Grimmauld when you go home though. Does it really have to be such a secret where you live?”

“It does, there are some things I can’t explain and this is one of them. But it’s important that we’re protected.”

“Why?”

I’ve told you why. We need our privacy. He needs to feel safe and our set up helps. So please just let it lie. I’ve already told you too much.” Harry felt exasperated. He really had already said more than he had planned. He hadn’t wanted to go into Draco’s issues in this much detail, but he also knew Hermione. She wasn’t going to let this go. If he didn’t say something she’d try and follow him into Grimmauld and discover the whole secret. “Look, the war affected him even worse than it did me, which is not something I say lightly. He’s been doing pretty well for this last year, lots of things are still a struggle, but it is getting more manageable and the bad episodes are getting further apart and shorter. When I tell you that four days of having to deal with someone who is incapable to taking themselves to the bathroom was actually not that bad, know that I’m saying it from experience of having to do it for a month.”

Hermione looked at Harry with pity in her eyes. Pity that Harry hated. None of them needed pity. “Harry, you shouldn’t let this other person put so many expectations on you. It’s not fair on you.”

“I knew what I was getting into when we started this thing.” Harry’s voice rose with slight anger. He tried to calm it down before he continued. He sighed heavily. “He was much, much worse back then. And I love him. I love both of them. This isn’t me changing my life because he’s asked me to. It’s me doing it because I want to. I want to make things as easy for him as possible. Neither of them have asked anything of me that I don’t want to do. This is not some fling. I didn’t barrel into this headfirst.” Well actually he had, but that was besides the point, that was a long time ago and he’d known Draco was sick from the first. “I knew about his condition when I joined this relationship. And it is a serious relationship. We live together and have done for a while. I know about all of their annoying habits. Like right now the house being overrun with cakes and biscuits because he’s edging slightly towards manic, but also the house is going to be filled with music and laughter and dancing. And if I’m lucky he’ll play his piano for us tonight when I get home, and then he’ll read out loud from his stupid books whilst I’m having my dressings changed. Partner two is overprotective, but he also has never stopped me going back to work if that’s what I want, even though it’s dangerous and I get injured all the time. He also spreads his drawings around the house, and hates cleaning up after himself. He buys presents for Teddy, even though he’s never met him, just because. He puts up with the fact that he has to mediate when me and partner one start arguing. Which happens rather a lot given our personalities, even if we always make up again quickly afterwards. This is a real relationship, and we all have our faults. I don’t question the things you do for Ron. If he got sick, like really sick, you’d drop everything and help look after him right. This isn’t any different. It’s not all bad all the time, like I can see you’re picturing. We had six months almost complete stability before I got injured, and it’s only that, that has thrown things at the moment. Can you accept that? Can you keep my secret? And I mean you cannot tell Ron or anyone else. I don’t want you going to Andi to try and talk to her. I don’t want you to go to Grimmauld and investigate the floo connection. I am completely serious about this.” When he’d finished his monologue he met Hermione’s eyes and waited. She dropped her eyes first and he knew he’d gotten his point across.

“I can. I don’t like it. And I want you to tell Ron at least. But as long as you do that soon, I can keep your secret Harry. You’re my best friend. I do have one last question though.”

“What?” Harry was expected another probing question about his partners and prepared himself. It wasn’t what he got though.

“Can you come to the Burrow on Sunday?”

“I can try. As said, things are a bit unsettled at home right now.”

“Please. Everyone wants to see you.”

“I’m not promising anything. I have to go to my appointment now. I’ll see you Hermione”

___________________

Harry woke up at 2am needing the loo. He stumbled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. It wasn’t until he returned to the bedroom that he noticed that something was wrong. Draco wasn’t in bed. He’d fallen asleep before Draco and Blaise that evening. Harry almost never went to bed before Draco, but he’d been tired after his meeting with Hermione and had had to be carried out of his bath full of potions, completely exhausted. He assumed that the other two had come to bed later. Blaise was still snoring lightly, but Draco was missing. Blaise wouldn’t have come to bed without Draco, which meant that Draco had gotten up after Blaise had fallen asleep.

“Wake up.” Harry shook Blaise. “Wake up.” 

“Harry…” Blaise said, still half asleep.

“He’s missing. Get up. Now.” Urgency and panic in his voice. Something was wrong. Draco had been good the last week, but he’d seen how things had started to become a little over the top. There had been a few too many baked goods, and Draco’s cleaning had been a little more obsessive than usual. Blaise sat up, suddenly looking very awake.

“His wand?”

Harry was already rummaging in the bedside cabinet checking for it. “Missing.”

“Shit. You can’t check the wards without it.”

“Do you think he’s left the grounds?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t want to come to bed last night, but…”

“Don’t worry about that now. We have to find him.”

“The alarm hasn’t gone off to say that anyone is trying to get into the rest of the Manor.”

“I know.”

“Check the flat. I’m going outside. Hopefully, he’s still here somewhere.”

Both of them threw on clothes. Harry quickly ran through the rooms. There was no sign of Draco in any of them, so he went outside to join Blaise in his search of the outside, throwing his coat over the joggers and jumper he was wearing. He prayed that Draco was there. Draco had never left the property when like this before, but it was always a risk. The last thing they needed was the Ministry finding a manic Draco wandering the streets when he inevitably broke the statute of secrecy. Draco’s concept of reality and risk went out the window when he was like this.

Harry had only taken two steps outside their front door when Blaise’s patronus found him. 

“ _Found him. Quidditch Pitch.”_ The small bear said with Blaise’s voice.

Harry moved as fast as he could manage, not caring about the pain from his protesting injuries. He quickly found Blaise standing back from a completely naked Draco, who was dancing in circles in the middle of the half-sized pitch at the back of the Manor. There were swirls of iridescent light surrounding Draco, indicating out of control magic. It would have been beautiful, had the implications not been so disturbing. Harry ran past Blaise, knowing his lover couldn’t get any closer until Draco’s magic was back under control.

“Hello, Love.” Harry said as calmly as he could, despite being a little out of breath with the speed he’d raced here.

“Harry. The stars say everything is wonderful. Isn’t that amazing?” Draco sounded very reminiscent of Luna.

“It is amazing.” Harry replied, still maintaining a calm exterior, despite the rising panic he felt. “It’s a little cold to be outside though. Why don’t you come in and tell me everything they’ve been saying?”

“But if I go inside, they won’t be able to continue their conversation. You wouldn’t want to make them cross?”

“I wouldn’t. But I’m sure the stars will understand that it’s December and cold out here. You need to be wearing some clothes if you want to talk to them more.”

“We should go flying. We should get closer to them.”

“Draco. We can’t go flying. We don’t have any broomsticks.”

“We don’t.” Draco turned to Harry, looking a little sad, but his eyes were unfocussed. “Why don’t we have any broomsticks? Flying is amazing. I remember. We used to chase the little golden ball.”

“We did used to do that. Maybe we could try that in the morning.”

“But the stars won’t be here in the morning. We need to fly with the stars.”

“You need to put some clothes on first, love.”

“I need to feel. Clothes stop me feeling.”

“They keep you warm though.”

“I don’t feel cold. I want to fly. Where’s my broom?”

“You don’t have a broom, Draco. You stopped flying. Remember?” Harry watched Draco close his eyes and try to think back.

“There was a fire.”

“Yes. And after the fire neither of us liked to fly anymore.”

“That was silly. Accio broom.” Draco said brightly and brandished his wand. There was the sound of shattering glass and Harry watched as the old Nimbus 2001 flew out of a window in the abandoned part of the Manor and to Draco’s hand.

“Draco. I don’t think it’s a good idea to fly right now. It’s very late.”

“I’m not tired though.” The iridescent lights flared brighter and the swirls started to become more violent and erratic in their movements.

“I’m tired though. I don’t want to fly Draco. I don’t fly anymore. Not after the fire. We don’t fly anymore.” Harry was feeling more and more distressed. His breathing erratic. He didn’t want Draco to get on the broom. Just the thought of it was making his panicked state worse. He knew Blaise wanted to come closer, to help calm him, but the magic was stopping him. Then Draco looked at Harry properly for the first time. The magic started calming.

“We don’t…”

“No Draco, we don’t fly anymore.” Harry took several deep breaths, trying to separate himself from the fear that was trying to bite at him.

“The monsters.” Draco visibly shrank, a scared lost expression crossing his face, and Harry could see the start of a flashback. He needed to stop it, or they’d never be able to get Draco inside. If he was physically able to carry Draco maybe they could have, but he wasn’t able to do that at the moment. He cursed his stupid injury. He tried to calm himself, knowing his distress would only make Draco worse.

“They’re not here. They were hot. It’s cold right now. Feel the difference.” Harry tried, trying to ground Draco to reality. “You’re not there anymore.” The change in expression on Draco’s face told Harry he’d succeeded in pulling Draco out before he fell completely under. He just hoped that the worst of the mania had subsided with it too. “Do you want my coat?”

“I’m cold.” The magic was ebbing away slowly but surely.

“Here. This will help.” Harry took off his coat and wrapped it around Draco. He was frozen. Draco was leaning up against him, his bone cold fingers against Harry’s chest. The wild magic disappeared when Harry’s arms were around him, and Blaise was suddenly next to them. Harry was starting to shiver.

“Can I take you inside Draco? Harry is cold and you are too. We need to be inside.” Blaise said gently, though not risking touching Draco yet.

“Inside…” The voice was very weak. Draco was too cold to even shiver at this point.

“Yes. We need to get warm.”

“Sleepy…”

“Don’t sleep yet, love. We need to get you warm first.” Blaise scooped Draco up into his arms and carried him back to the house. 

“No fire…”

“No fire, love. Just us.”

They got Draco into the bed and piled blankets around him. Both of them cuddled up next to him, even though it was usually Harry in the middle. His hands and feet were like ice. Blaise cast a mild warming charming, one that would slowly warm up the frozen extremities. Draco fell asleep, but neither Harry nor Blaise managed to. They didn’t talk either


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re trying to poison me!” Draco yelled, throwing the potions phial Harry had handed to him to the floor. Tara had decided that Draco’s meds needed adjusting and it wasn’t going well.

“Draco. I would never try and poison you. I love you.”

“They’re all wrong. The colours are different. Someone is trying to trick you into giving me the wrong potions. They know you don’t know enough about them. That you wouldn’t be able to tell. They underestimated me though.” Draco grabbed at the other potions sat on the counter waiting for him and smashed them too.

“Draco. Please. Tara just adjusted them slightly. They’re not poison. They’re to make you feel better.” 

Draco had been irrational and erratic for six days now, ever since they’d found him half frozen outside. Blaise and Harry had had to be on constant alert. They’d avoided another incident of Draco escaping in the middle of the night, but only by sacrificing sleep to keep an eye on him. Draco wasn’t sleeping more than two hours a night. Instead he frantically played the piano, or spent hours in his lab saying he was about to have a breakthrough on some potion that would change everything. The flat was spotlessly clean, and they had more sweets and cakes than they could eat in a life time. Nothing Harry or Blaise did would settle him. They wouldn’t leave him alone for a second whilst he was like this, it was too dangerous. Tara had come and seen him, but he wouldn’t talk to her. She’d decided she had no choice but to try and adjust his potions, but it was proving challenging. Draco was now refusing to take them. 

“I can’t. They’re… They’re all wrong. Everything is all wrong” Draco looked close to tears. “Everyone hates me. They’ll think it’s brilliant that I’m killed by taking these… _things_.”

“Me and Blaise don’t hate you. Tara doesn’t hate you either. We just want you to feel better.” Harry pleaded. 

“I don’t like feeling like this.” Draco admitted, quietly.

“I know you don’t, love. Can I please just, hold you? I want to make you feel better.”

Draco nodded, ever so slightly, and Harry immediately came towards him, careful to avoid stepping on the broken glass and mix of potions on the floor. He was only wearing socks on his feet. He wrapped Draco in his arms.

“I… I… I know something is wrong in my head. I know I’m being paranoid. I just… I can’t take them. They’re all wrong.” Draco murmured into his shoulder, with more clarity than Harry had heard from him in days.

“I’m sorry, love. I shouldn’t have tried to force you. We’ll come up with another plan. Would it help if you made them yourself? I can get Tara to send the recipe for the adjusted potions. That way you can see they’re not poison.”

Draco gave a small nod, that Harry felt rather than saw.

“I’ll write to Tara. Do you think you can take you’re old meds? We still have those in the cupboard.”

A shake of the head gave Harry his answer. He wasn’t happy about it but didn’t want to set Draco off again.

“Okay. One more day isn’t going to hurt.”

____________________

It was two in the morning again. Draco was finally asleep, although they weren’t sure how long he’d stay that way. Harry and Blaise were lying with Draco between them. Tara had sent them through the instructions for Draco’s new meds immediately after she’d received the request, and Draco had spent the entire next day brewing them. He’d been on them for two days now. They weren’t sure they were working yet, but they were all hopeful.

“I’m going to make an appointment with Robards for Monday.” Harry whispered.

“Oh?” Blaise replied, equally as quietly.

“I’m telling him that when I go back, I’m not going into the field. Not for a while.”

Blaise looked stunned at Harry’s pronouncement. “I know you suggested it before, and I know you know that both me and Draco would be happier if we didn’t have to worry about you quite so much, but you don’t have to, you know.”

Harry really loved Blaise for saying this. That there was no pressure for him to do it. It just made him more certain that the decision he’d made was the correct one. “I do. I… I didn’t mention it before, but I probably should have. It was my fault I ended up like this. And if I hadn’t been in the field that day, Draco wouldn’t have ended up in this state.”

“Harry. It’s not your fault.” Blaise sighed.

“It is though. I… I haven’t mentioned it before and before you berate me, I have already chastised myself enough for this, okay.” Harry took a deep breath before he admitted the truth he’d been trying to hide for months now. “My flashbacks have been getting worse. I had one that day. It’s why I ended up injured.”

“Harry…”

“I know, Blaise. I’m doing something about it now. I know I’m an idiot for letting it get that bad. It shouldn’t have taken me nearly dying… but I am doing something about it.”

The silence felt heavy.

“Blaise…?” Harry looked over at his partner imploringly. He needed Blaise to be okay with this. He didn’t think he could stand it if the other man was angry at him, even though he felt he deserved it.

“Sorry Harry, I’m just processing.”

Harry focussed back on Draco, running his fingers through the fine blond hair. Glad that Draco was asleep and not hearing this conversation.

“Harry. I just… why did you let it get that bad?”

“I don’t know. I just though, if I pushed it all down, didn’t stop me from doing anything, it wouldn’t be real. I know it was stupid… but…”

“Merlin, you’re an idiot sometimes.”

“I know.”

“I want to hold you right now.”

“I wish you could too, but…” Harry looked down at Draco between the two of them. Neither of them wanted to move and risk disturbing their sleeping lover.

“In the morning, I’m wrapping my arms around you and I won’t let go until I know you’re feeling safe.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You can’t do this again. You can’t shove everything away and pretend it isn’t happening. It isn’t fair.”

“I know it isn’t.”

“So you won’t do it again.”

“I promise. I’m asking for at least 6 months of desk duty. And I won’t go back to any fieldwork until Tara thinks I’m ready. I don’t trust myself to make that decision.”

“Good. And if Robards refuses.”

“I’ll have to quit.”

“Harry…”

“You two are more important than my job.”

Harry reached over and took Blaise’s hand. It was the closest they could get to an embrace for the moment.

_________________

From the moment Harry entered the ministry, he was bombarded by people asking about how he was. He could feel a headache building, even though they’d been settling down significantly despite the additional stress of Draco acting out at home. He’d felt better since admitting the cause of his accident to Blaise. Neither of them had told Draco yet. That was not a conversation Harry was looking forward to. When he finally entered the offices of the DLME there was no reprieve from the well-wishers. All of his colleagues wanted to know when he was coming back. He did eventually manage to get to Robards’ office on time. When he knocked on the door the familiar voice of the head of the department told him to enter.

“Harry. I’m glad to see you looking better.”

“I’m feeling much better. The healers are all pleased.”

“Well, no matter what they say, you’re not coming back any earlier.” Robards said rather jovially. The entire department knew Harry was well known for trying to come back to work as soon as possible after an injury, no matter how severe. It had become somewhat of an office joke.

“That’s not what I’m here to ask you about.”

“Oh?” Robards looked slightly puzzled.

“No. I… I want to be placed on exclusive desk duty for at least the next six months.” The words came out in a rush. Robards just looked at him stunned. Speechless at Harry’s request.

“That’s….. unexpected.” Robards replied eventually. “You normally resist being asked to take it easy after an injury.”

“I know. This one just hit me a bit harder.” Harry admitted. It was only a small portion of the story, but hopefully Robards wouldn’t argue and he wouldn’t have to explain anymore. 

“Well. You’re one of our best field Aurors. It would be a shame to lose you from the field. Even temporarily.”

“I have to insist, Sir.”

“Do you really want six months? Surely a few weeks would suffice.”

“At least six months. I may need longer.”

“And if there’s an important raid? One where you can help.”

Harry internally flinched. He knew if he was asked, in the heat of the moment he would say yes.

“I need to insist that you don’t ask me. I’m… I don’t feel like I’m going to be ready to go into the field for a while. I’ve been seeing a mind healer. She doesn’t want me going anywhere near danger until she signs me off.” 

“Really? And can I get a report from this mind healer?”

“I’m sure she’d give you one. I can ask.”

“And will you allow one of the Ministry’s approved mind healers to examine you as well?”

“I’d prefer not. I’d rather talk to someone I trust.” Letting someone else into his mess of a head was not appealing. Particularly if he only felt able to share less than half of the confusions of his life with them.

“And you trust this mind healer.”

“Absolutely. She’s been treating a friend of mine for a while.” Harry didn’t tell Robards how long he’d been seeing her himself. That would lead to questions he didn’t want to answer.

Robards sighed in resignation. “Very well. We’ll review in a couple of months, make sure you’re still happy with your decision. At some point I will require you to see a Ministry Approved therapist, but for now I’ll let it be. You really are one of our best. You were made to be in the field.”

Harry didn’t think he was, but from an outsider’s perspective he could see how it would seem that way. “I’m very sorry, Sir. I just don’t want to be a liability to the department.”

“Off with you then. We’ll see you in two weeks.”

Harry left the office. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed that Robards had acquiesced so easily. There was still a large part of him that wanted to go and chase after criminals. It only took thinking of Draco and Blaise to settle his mind though. He knew it was the right decision. 

“Harry, mate.” His red-headed best friend called, just as Harry had gotten to the door of the exit.

Harry stop and turned. “Hi, Ron.” He replied, smiling at the happy expression on his friend’s face. They hadn’t seen each other since Harry had turned up to his and Hermione’s place and shouted the two of them out about the howler. It had been a long time since they’d gone that long without seeing each other, and he found he missed his friend. He’d been far too wrapped up with the ups and downs causing chaos in his home life he hadn’t even realised until now.

“What are you doing here?”

“Seeing Robards. Wanted to sort some things before I come back.”

“All set? We’ve missed you around here.”

“I’ve missed you guys too.” Harry didn’t want to go into his decision to come off active duty. He didn’t want to have that difficult conversation today. Ron would be disappointed in him when he heard.

“Look. I wanted to apologise for Hermione sending that Howler. You were a shit when you came round that day, but she shouldn’t have sent it. I tried to persuade her not to.”

“I’m sorry I shouted at you guys. You’re my best friends. I should have remembered you would worry about me. The potions they had me on really messed with my head.”

“I thought that was probably the case.”

“So I’m forgiven?”

“Of course you are. Although you really need to come to Sunday lunch soon. I don’t know whether mum’ll forgive you if you don’t. She’s fraught thinking that you’re wasting away by yourself.”

Harry gave a slight snort in amusement. Molly would mother everyone if she could. “I’m fine. I’m being well looked after at home.”

“So you have a live-in girlfriend now?”

“I moved into theirs’.” Harry felt a bit guilty about evading the truth.

“Still. It’s a big deal. Do we get to meet her? Or you know, know anything about her?”

“Not yet. Still want it to be, just for me, you know.”

“I get it. But soon?”

“As soon as we’re ready.”

Harry hated lying to Ron this way. It was all half-truths and manipulations. He felt even worse that he was still keeping this from Ron despite the fact he’d told Hermione. But he felt even less enthusiastic about the whole coming out to Ron situation than he had when he spoke to Hermione. He’d have to tell eventually, but not today. He needed to get home and if he started now, he’d end up delayed for ages. Besides, it’s not like he would have even told Hermione had she not pressured him.

“I suppose that’s as good as it’s going to get. Now, I want to see you at the Burrow this weekend. You said you were coming a couple of weeks ago and cancelled on us. ‘Mione said you had a good reason, but she wouldn’t explain. Me and Hermione have a big announcement and we want the whole family there.” After Draco’s latest episode Harry had immediately written to Hermione saying he wouldn’t be coming to the Burrow that weekend. At least he’d learned from his mistakes and gotten in contact with them rather than just forgetting and causing worry. Still, it had now been more than a month since he’d been to the Burrow and seen the Weasley family. 

“I’ll try.”

“Harry…”

“I’ll try. It depends on how I’m feeling. I’m still getting more than my fair share of headaches.” Actually it depended on how Draco was feeling. He was just about back to his usual self. The new potions regime was working. In fact today was the first time since Harry’s accident that he was home without Blaise or Harry with him. It was only for a couple of hours, but it felt so good to get things back to, if not normal, at least their version of normal.

“Harry. You’re back to work in just over two weeks. The healers have to have all but signed you off by now. And it’s family. If you want, I can ask them not to get on your case about the accident. Although I can’t promise mum won’t be a little all over you. Nothing I can do to help that.” Ron chuckled, and Harry couldn’t help but join in. Evading a worried Molly was not something anyone could achieve.

“I’ll do my best. Mind if I bring Teddy? Andi’s not been feeling too good lately. She could do with a day off.” That was another thing that was worrying him. Something was definitely not right with Andi. She was much more tired than usual, and looked pale. Though he’d only seen her a couple of times since the accident, each time she’d looked a little worse. The issues with Draco had taken priority in his head, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned for the woman who had welcomed him so warmly into her little family.

“Teddy’s always welcome.” Ron replied. Harry smiled in response then said his goodbyes and headed home.

______________________

It was Sunday and he was due at the Burrow very soon. “You sure you’re okay with me going to the Burrow?” Harry asked again. Ever since he’d agreed to go, he’d found himself asking Draco the same question. This must have been at least the 20th time he’d now asked.

“Yes, Love. My new meds are working fine. I’m fine.” Harry didn’t feel sure, even though Draco had been doing much better. He just somehow didn’t trust the peace, despite all evidence to the contrary. The all-day piano marathons had stopped, he’d managed two hours alone when Harry went to the Ministry, although it had sent him into a bit of cleaning frenzy; the baking had returned to a daytime activity only. He had started making his own jam and marmalade though, which was new, but Harry didn’t really mind. The marmalade in particular was amazing. He and Blaise needed to find more people to give the baked goods away to pretty soon, however; before they were completely overrun. Blaise had been providing his office with treats all week and Harry had a pile to take round to Andi today. Tara had also been sent an entire triple layer Red Velvet cake. Draco had even put together a box of cakes and biscuits for the Weasleys for Harry to take round, so he clearly recognised that they probably had a bit of an excess of baked goods too. Harry didn’t bring Draco’s creations to the Weasleys very often, as Molly hated it – thinking he was saying her abilities weren’t good enough or something – but Ron loved them. There was also the issue of too many questions about where he’d gotten them from Draco did always get a little smug satisfaction whenever Harry told him of the praise the family had for his baking abilities however, which pleased Harry no end.

“But…”

“No buts.” Blaise interjected. “Go. You can’t shut out everyone else from your life. Things are good right now.”

“I…”

“Harry. Go. Andi is expecting you to pick up Teddy in ten minutes. You don’t want to disappoint your Godson do you.”

“No.” Harry pouted. “I just wish you guys could come with me.”

Draco snorted. “And have a bunch of red-heads turn their wands on me. No thank you.”

“And it’s not like I’d be welcomed with open arms. I may not have the same history with the Weasleys as Draco, but I was still a Slytherin. Besides, we agreed. We don’t tell people until it’s telling people about all of us.”

“I love both of you.” Harry pulled both Draco and Blaise into a tight hug.

“We know you do. Now go. We’ll see you back here later.”

_____________________

“Harry! It’s been too long. You look far too thin. And you’ve brought little Teddy with you.” Molly enveloped him in a hug he couldn’t have avoided if he tried. At least he was now healed enough that this no longer hurt. Teddy was on his hip, and it was a little awkward trying to hug Molly back and not drop the toddler. “Bill will be here soon, and Teddy can play with Victoire.”

“I’m sure he’ll like that. Won’t you Teddy-Bear? He’s been making lots of new friends at his nursery.”

“I’m sure he has, handsome boy that he is.” Molly looked at Teddy affectionately. She treated Teddy as if he was one of her Grandchildren. Then a look of slight uncertainty crossed her face, and Harry knew they were about to have the same discussion they’d had when he’d first told Molly what nursery Teddy was attending. “Are you sure it’s the best thing, for him to go to that place though? They’re not too…. Well… Isn’t it mostly the children of pure-bloods there? You don’t want him to grow up around people who have… well those kinds of opinions.”

“Why does that matter, Molly? They’re all toddlers. I’m pretty certain they are more interested in snack time and toys than a bunch of nonsense prejudice their parents may or may not believe and that they are incapable of understanding at their age And anyway, it’s not like he could go anywhere else. He can’t go to the local places as they’re all muggle and wouldn’t exactly be understanding of the randomly changing hair colour. It’s the best nursery there is for young wizards. He needs to play with children his own age.” Molly’s reverse prejudice made Harry feel irritated. He’d noticed since his injury he was finding things he’d be able to shrug off before, needled at him more that he was used to. The healers said it was a result of the head injury and that hopefully it would ease off. 

“I suppose.” Although she didn’t sound convinced. She never had been before by any of his arguments, so he wasn’t exactly expecting much this time. All he could do was put his foot down.

“It’s up to me and Andi. And we both wanted him to go there. He’s doing amazing, and he’s so excited each morning when he gets ready to go. Besides, you should see him in his little uniform.” Harry really should have brought the picture with him of Teddy’s first day at the nursery. Andi had given it to him the last time he’d visited, and it was now framed and sitting pride of place on the mantle piece at home. 

“You know if Andi just needs a break Teddy would be welcome here. Victoire comes here most days whilst Bill and Fleur are at work.”

“Molly, I appreciate the offer, but Teddy likes his nursery. It’s the best place for him. I’m going to go take him to the others now. I’m sure everyone else wants to fuss over him.”

Harry left Molly in the kitchen and went to the living room where the rest of the Weasley’s that were here had gathered. He felt slightly proud of himself for walking away before he and Molly started truly arguing. Everyone did fuss over Teddy, and it did take a bit of the attention off him. Still it was loud here. He’d almost forgotten how loud it was.

“Harry!” Ron called from where he was playing a game of chess against Percy. “You made it.” He turned briefly back to the game. “Check Mate.” He said, moving his bishop. 

“Heya, mate. How are things going?”

“Not bad. How are you Teds?” Ron poked the toddler in his stomach and the little boy giggled. “I see you look just like your godfather today.” Teddy’s hair matched Harry’s perfectly. Draco had styled Harry’s hair again yesterday. He’d ended up keeping the same look as Draco had given him after the accident, both Draco and Blaise liked it, and who was Harry to protest. It also looked adorable on Teddy when the toddler decided to copy.

“Harry bing cussin cake.” Teddy said with a grin. Harry had to keep himself from looking alarmed. Teddy had clearly started picking up more than he’d realised. “Cake now?” Teddy looked up at Harry pleadingly with overly large eyes.

“Not now. After dinner, Teddy-Bear.” Teddy stuck out his bottom lip, and Harry could just see the start of a tantrum. He tried to head it off. “We could do some colouring. I brought your special crayons and picture book.”

“Colouring!!!” Teddy replied excitedly, successfully distracted. Harry quickly set Teddy up with his colouring things at the coffee table. 

“What’s a ‘cussin cake’?” Ron said, when Harry had seated himself on the sofa to watch Teddy.

“Urr…. Not really sure.” Harry lied. “I do have a fresh baked bakewell tart with me though, as well as a ginger and rum cake. Think there are some biscuits too, but I’m not sure what kind.”

“You’re the best Harry.” Ron said, clearly caring more about the cake than what Teddy meant by ‘cussin’. “You told mum you bought desert yet.”

“Nope.” Harry admitted.

“She really does hate it when you bring stuff. Don’t know why. The desserts you bring are the best. Am I guessing right that your mystery girlfriend is the one who bakes them?”

“My partner bakes them, yes.” Harry evaded the issue of gender. “Gone a bit overboard since my accident with baking though. The house is practically overrun.”

“Well, you won’t hear me complaining.”

Molly only frowned a little when Harry brought the boxes of cakes and biscuits in to her just after Bill arrived with Fleur and Victoire. They were the last of the guests to get to the Burrow, which was now very crowded. Not long after they were all seated round the dining table. Teddy was sat in a highchair next to Harry and making a wonderful mess of himself with the roast dinner Harry had cut up. He’d reached the stage where he was refusing any help when eating, and as a result food often ended up in his ears and hair as often as his mouth. His skill with a fork was still lacking in many ways. It made Teddy happy though, and that’s what cleaning charms were for. Harry listened to the conversations the others were having, occasionally adding the odd comment, but was mostly focussed on his own meal and Teddy. When Molly had cleared up the main and brought round the tea, coffee and deserts, Harry received his usual praise about the baked goods he’d brought. Once they’d all got a slice of something in front of them – Teddy had his own special chocolate cupcake that Draco had put in just for him, as he knew it was Teddy’s favourite – Ron stood up.

“Okay, so we we’re going to tell you this a couple of weeks ago, but our dear Harry decided that he hadn’t had enough near-death experiences, so we’ve had to delay a little bit.” There were a few chuckles from the collective Weasleys at this. “Me and ‘Mione… well…” Ron started stumbling over words, apparently now unable to say whatever big piece of news he’d wanted to.

“Oh spit it out Ron.” Hermione chastised fondly and taking her partners hand in hers.

“Urr… Yeah… well… we’re having a baby.” 

Harry hadn’t been expecting this. When Ron mentioned the announcement he’d wanted to make the other day, Harry had assumed he was going to propose to Hermione. Harry wasn’t sure whether this was better or not, but he was incredibly happy for his friends. There were congratulations all round, and a few tears from Molly. Harry thought he also heard the Weasley matriarch scold Ron gently about the fact that he and Hermione weren’t even married yet, but she looked so overwhelmingly happy at the thought of another grandchild, Harry didn’t think she cared all that much. 

“Congratulations, Hermione. How many weeks?” Harry asked, giving Hermione a warm hug.

“Nearly 15 now. I was at St Mungo’s having my 12-week scan when I bumped into you. We were planning on telling people that weekend, and then the weekend after I talked to you properly, but you kept on cancelling on us and we couldn’t tell everyone without you here.”

“I’m sorry ‘Mione. Things have been a bit difficult. And at least I remembered to write last time.”

“I know you did. And it was appreciated. Is he okay now?” Hermione whispered.

“Yes. Had a rough couple of weeks, but it’s all back to normal.”

“What actually happened?” There was real concern in Hermione’s voice.

“He rebounded from the depressive episode straight into a particularly awful manic one. It’s fine now though. Had to change his meds around, but they seem to be working again.”

“I’m glad. You thought about telling the rest of the family yet?”

“Yes…” Harry wasn’t certain, but knew in all likelihood he would have to soon. The problem with one person knowing is that it made it all but impossible for the secret not to escape on its own. And the Weasleys would be happy to hear he was in a relationship. He just wouldn’t be telling them who with, the same as with Andi. “- but not today. Today is your big news day.”

“Certainly is.” Ron said, coming up behind Harry and throwing an arm around Harry’s shoulder. “You asked yet, Hermione?”

“Not yet. I thought we should do that together.”

“Do what together?” Harry asked.

“Mate… Do you want to be our little ones Godparent? You’re brilliant with Teds and really we couldn’t imagine asking anyone else to do it.” Ron said with a wide grin on his face. 

Harry headed home not long after. He needed to get Teddy back for his afternoon nap, and the four hours he’d spent at the Burrow was the longest he’d been away from home since the accident. As usual all of the Weasleys tried to get him to stay longer – especially given that they were all celebrating. Hermione knowing actually helped him get away a little easier than usual – she guessed he wanted to get home for his own reasons and assisted in persuading Molly that he had to go. 

“How’d it go with the Ginger clan?” Draco said from his perch on the kitchen counter when Harry walked in, putting the book he was reading face down next to him. He was sat eating jam from a jar with a spoon. Harry looked at Draco slight speculatively, bemused by the odd sight.

“It went well. Jam with a spoon?” Harry raised one eye bow.

“Fresh batch. It’s still warm.”

“Didn’t fancy, you know… putting it on some toast like a normal person.”

“Nah… tastes better this way.”

Harry walked close to Draco and placed himself between the other man’s legs where they were hanging down in front on him. He put a hand on each of Draco’s knees.

“You know you’re insane right?”

“Yup. Have all of the diagnoses to prove it and everything.”

Harry pulled Draco down off the counter and kissed him. 

“I love you.”

“Love you too. Now try this jam.”

Harry quickly found a spoon with blackcurrant jam placed in his mouth before he could protest. It was delicious, despite the fact that he still felt slightly sick from the amount he’d eaten at the Burrow.

“Is Draco corrupting you too?” Blaise called from behind Harry. Harry turned to see his other partner stood in the entrance of the kitchen.

“It’s not corruption. It’s just a nice way to enjoy jam.” Draco insisted.

“It’s weird. And aren’t you the one who was meant to be raised with proper manners? Unlike our scruffy partner stood in front of you.” Blaise retorted.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry before he responded. “I’m rebelling. Didn’t you know? It started by shacking up with you two. What would people think? Living in sin with two men. The horror.” 

“I think this might just count as the most bizarre argument we’ve ever managed to have.” Harry said shaking his head and laughing. Blaise and Draco quickly joined in.

When they calmed down, Blaise spoke. “I was coming in here to see what I could fix for dinner.”

“Urrgg….” Harry groaned. “Don’t talk to me about food. I think I might just explode. I do have leftovers if you want them though.” Harry hadn’t been able to escape the Burrow without enough food to feed at least half a dozen people to take home. Molly always overdid it and wouldn’t take no for an answer when handing off leftovers.

“Hand them over. I’ll plate something up for me and Draco. 

When they were all sat round the table Harry told the two of them the news from the Burrow.

“I’m going to be a Godfather again.” Harry said, excitedly.

“Really? Which Weasley is knocked up?” Draco asked.

“Not a Weasley. Hermione.”

“Good on the Weasel.” Draco snorted.

“Draco…. Don’t call him that.” Harry had told Draco off more times than he could remember for this. At some point in the future Harry still held hope that his friends and his lovers would meet, and somehow, he thought Ron would object to Draco’s usual nickname for him. 

“Bah… Are they happy about it? Can’t imagine Granger getting pregnant this young. She always seemed more of a career first, babies later, kind of person.”

“Fairly certain they didn’t plan it, but they were happy. I guess it explains why she’s been extra intense about things recently.”

“And that has nothing to do with you almost dying again.” Blaise said, pointedly.

“Maybe that had something to do with it.” Harry said, a little sheepishly. “I’m better now, and it won’t happen again. No more field work for me for as long as necessary. I promised and I mean to stick to it this time.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt - occurs off scene but some descriptions of aftermath.

The last two weeks of Harry’s sick leave were almost exactly like a holiday. Draco was back to how he’d been before Harry’s accident, much to all of their relief. They knew Harry’s first day back at work would be hard on him, but between them and Tara they had a plan for the day to try and make it as easy as possible. Harry spent time a lot of time with Teddy, taking him out to parks, and the zoo. Even to a funfair one evening. Andi was still looking very tired and seemed incredibly appreciative of the break from the toddler. Harry had been increasingly tempted to ask her what was wrong, but each time he went over he put it off. Harry had even spent a couple of evenings at Ron and Hermione’s, having dinner with the couple and talking about the baby. He still hadn’t told Ron that he was seeing two men, rather than one woman, and Hermione gave him increasingly pointed glares every time his partner came up. But overall, life was really good. His first day back at work came all to soon though. Saying goodbye to Draco that morning was particularly hard. Blaise had left for work before Harry, kissing both of them goodbye whilst they sat and ate breakfast together. Blaise was planning on popping by to see Draco at lunchtime to make sure everything was okay at home. Tara was also due to come for a session whilst Draco was by himself. Harry eventually dragged himself out of the house with less than two minutes to spare. He hugged Draco tightly before he left, and it was only with numerous reassurances from the blonde man that he managed to step into the fireplace and head to the Ministry.

The morning was dull. He spent a lot of it going through various bits of paperwork for the half a dozen cases he’d be helping with the administrative work on. Lots of people came by to welcome him back. Time eventually dragged itself to lunchtime and Ron hauled him away from his desk. It was the first time the red-head had come to speak to him since he’d come in, and he now must have heard the news that Harry had taken himself off active duty.

“So you’ve desked yourself?” Ron asked as soon as they were sat down in the canteen with their toasted sandwiches. 

“Um… Yeah. I thought it was for the best.”

“This is because your partner asked you too, isn’t it?” Ron questioned, sounding very put out, and Harry wondered whether Hermione had caved about telling Ron about his two partners.

“They wouldn’t make me do anything. I did this for me.” Harry reassured.

“Still not telling us about who this mystery woman you’re living with is then?” Ron said, only half-jokingly. So Hermione must still be holding her tongue. Still, it wasn’t really fair for Ron to keep assuming he was with a woman though. The only thing stopping him telling his red-headed best friend at this point, were his own insecurities. Insecurities that were very much Dursley induced. Ron and the Weasleys weren’t the Dursleys, and this had gone on too long. Hermione had told him as much at the Burrow and with each glare she gave him when he was at dinner with them. Ron deserved to know. He just hoped he would be happy for him. Harry took a deep breath and dived in.

“No. I’m not telling you who I’m living with. There is something I haven’t told you though Ron. I’ve been putting it off, but… I’m not living with a woman, okay. I’m living with a man. Well two men actually.”

“What!?” Ron choked on the bite of sandwich he’d just taken. Melted cheese was dripping down his chin.

“Yeah. I’m gay and am in a committed relationship with two men. We all live together. I know it’s a bit weird, but it works for me.” There was a long silence, and Harry stared down, unable to meet Ron’s eyes. Petrified he’d just made a huge mistake.

“Oh. Well that’s okay then.” Ron shrugged. “Don’t know why you didn’t just tell me before, but hey, whatever makes you happy. Does Hermione know?”

“They do make me happy.” Harry was shocked at how well this was going. “And I told Hermione a few weeks ago about the two men thing. I asked her to keep it a secret so don’t blame her for not saying anything. I didn’t really want to tell her when I did. I wasn’t ready, but she forced me to. I’m telling you now because I actually want to, okay.”

“Hey, if you weren’t ready, you weren’t ready. I know what Hermione’s like, and it’s definitely worse now she’s pregnant. Please don’t tell her I said that though.” There was genuine fear on Ron’s face as he said this sentence, and it had all come out in a slightly garbled rush. He swallowed once before he continued. “She probably shouldn’t have pressured you into talking in the first place if you didn’t want to. Glad you told me now though, mate. Still, desk work. You hate desk work.”

Harry had never felt so relieved to here an answer in his life. He couldn’t quite believe how easy Ron was making this. He really should trust his best friend more.

“You do know you are the best friend anyone could ask for. And I really do hate desk work. But my mind healer doesn’t think it’s a good idea for me to be in the field right now, and I agree with her. There are other reasons, but that’s the main one.”

“Didn’t know you were seeing a mind healer?”

“Have been for two years.” Harry admitted. “It helps with dealing with some of the crap I’ve been through.”

“That’s something. Sucks that you need it.”

“It’s not the greatest, but given all the shit I’ve been through it’s hardly surprising. Besides, I like seeing her. And it could be worse.” Harry paused. “Thanks for being okay with all of this.”

“What are best friends for?”

“Yeah. Sorry for being such a secretive prat.”

“It’s fine mate, don’t worry about it. So it’s one of the guys you live with who makes all those amazing deserts you’ve brought to the Burrow then. You always were a bit evasive about where they came from.”

“Yes. Sometimes he goes a bit overboard.” 

“I’m not complaining. He’s a seriously good cook.”

“Actually he’s a seriously bad cook.” Harry said, smiling at the memory of the last time Draco insisted on making dinner a week ago and had ended up burning the pasta he was cooking. They’d resorted to takeaway in the end. “Like honestly, I don’t quite know how he can bake some of the things he does but fail to make even the simplest of savoury dishes.”

“I for one am glad of the baking skill. And feel free to send any excess my way.”

“I’m expecting to come home to a disaster area in my kitchen when I get home. He’s a bit stressed about me coming back to work today, what with what happened, and will probably spend the whole day making cakes, sweets, and another unnecessary batch of jam. He was rummaging in the kitchen for the ingredients for truffles when I left this morning. I can owl you some when I get home.”

“Amazing. He doesn’t work then?”

“Nope. My other partner does though.”

“Cool, what does he do?”

“Designs coats.”

“Just coats?”

“Well he sometimes designs other clothing too, but mostly it seems to be coats at the moment.”

“So you live with a fashion designer and an unemployed baker.”

“Pretty much.”

“And you’re not going to tell me anymore about them?”

Harry thought about it. It felt nice having such an easy and casual conversation about Draco and Blaise. He liked sharing this part of his life with Ron and didn’t really want to stop now he’d started.

“The baker is sick. It’s why he doesn’t work.”

“Crap. What’s wrong with him?”

“A combination of war trauma and lousy genetics. He sees the same mind healer as me. We manage. His illness isn’t going anywhere, and I knew about it before we got together.”

“Thanks for telling me. I’m guessing this was pretty hard for you.”

“Yeah. It actually feels good to have someone else know. Hermione keeps trying to pressure me into giving her more information about who they are. I like talking about them, just, with his illness, we’re pretty private. He wouldn’t cope if the papers found out.”

“We should probably….” Ron was cut off by the silver bear flying to their table. “What…?!”

“ **GET HOME NOW. Fuck… just… Harry….”**

Harry leapt to his feet. 

“Shit. I have to go. Ron, I’m so sorry. Tell Robards… tell him anything. I don’t care. I need to get home.”

Harry was running and didn’t hear Ron’s reply. He didn’t really care. Blaise sounded panicked and distraught. He had sent a Patronus, even though he knew Harry was in the Ministry. Something was very wrong. Harry got to the apparition point and cracked straight to Grimmauld, racing inside to the floo and the Manor.

“Blaise…Draco… Where are you? What’s happened.”

“Harry… Fuck…”

Harry followed the sound of Blaise’s cracked and distressed voice to the bathroom and wanted to throw up at the scene he walked in on. The place was covered in blood and Blaise was on the floor with Draco in his lap, towels soaked and pressed into the deep cuts on Draco’s left arm. Draco was unconscious. At least Harry hoped he was just unconscious. Memories of the bathroom in sixth year and Draco bleeding out started flashing through his head and threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn’t let them. Not yet. He had to stay calm. He had to help Draco. He closed his eyes and swallowed.

“How long?”

“I got home ten minutes ago and found him like this. He was already unconscious. I think he’s taken something as well. He’s still breathing, but…”

“I’m going to go get a bezoar. You keep the pressure on those cuts. Don’t let him lose any more blood.”

Harry rushed out the room to the lab and grabbed one of the ugly stones that luckily, they always had in stock in the house. He also noticed four empty phials on the floor and grabbed them too. It would be useful to know what he had taken.

Harry got back to the bathroom in less than a minute and shoved the stone into Draco’s mouth and rubbed his throat to help him swallow it. Harry had hoped that this would rouse Draco, and then it would just be a matter of blood replenishing potions, a couple of simple healing charms and some dittany, but Draco didn’t wake. It wasn’t like they hadn’t managed this before at home, but Draco had never been unconscious after one of these attempts.

“I think we need to take him to St Mungo’s. I don’t think we have a choice.” Harry said.

“He’d hate that.”

“Right now I don’t care. We can go to the private ward. We can use the Malfoy family room, or the Black one. They have all sorts of additional confidentiality set ups there. His life is worth more than keeping this a secret.”

“Fuck. Fuck.” Blaise was coming apart at the seams, but somehow right now, that helped Harry remain calm. He didn’t have a choice. He could break down later.

“Give him here. I’ll carry him.” Harry leant down and took Draco from Blaise, taking over keeping the pressure on the nasty wounds. Harry wished he could have just apparated to the hospital, but that wasn’t possible. They took the double floo journey to the hospital, via Grimmauld, straight into the Black family room – it was easier for them to do that from the Black property than use the Malfoy room. Sometimes pure-blood privilege had its advantages, and even the post war reforms hadn’t removed the hospitals set up for old families who had donated millions of galleons over the years for their own private suites.

Healers came rushing into the room seconds after they arrived, alerted to the critical condition of the patient arriving by the complex diagnostics on the floo. They took Draco from Harry and immediately started to try and stabilise him. One of them came over to Harry and Blaise and handed them both a calming draught before asking them a series of questions.

“Has he taken anything?”

“We think so.” Harry handed over the four empty phials. “We’ve given him a bezoar.”

“Good. That should be working to reverse at least some of the effects of these potions. Do you know where he got them from? They are a controlled substance.”

“What is it? He makes potions; we have a pretty reasonable stock of a lot of things in the house.”

“He’d need a special licence to make this. It’s a pretty powerful pain killer.”

“Oh…” Harry said, with sudden insight. “Would it be a purple potion?”

“Yes.”

“Then they were probably left over from my supply of potions after my injury. I didn’t take all of the purple ones as I didn’t like them.”

“Well, you probably should have returned the unused potions.” The healer looked at him frowning slightly.

“Sorry. Fuck…” Harry started crying and Blaise put his arm around him.

“Harry, it’s not your fault.” Blaise murmured into his ear.

“It is my bloody fault. I shouldn’t have gone back to work. That’s why he’s here.”

“No Harry, Draco’s here because he’s not well. You didn’t do anything. Neither of us knew this would happen. If we did, we would have been home to stop it. You don’t need to answer any more questions. I’ll take over. You did so well to get him here so quickly, love. I was a mess, but you’re allowed to be a mess now. I’ve got you.” Blaise seemed to have managed to recompose himself now they were sat in the hospital. Harry though was falling apart. He’d been running on adrenaline and it seemed to have all left his body in one rush. He could see nothing but red now and words were meaningless. All he could hear was the voice of a long dead girl shrieking murder.

Blaise turned to the healer; he knew Harry had completely lost it but there wasn’t much he could do until he could be reassured that Draco was fine. “I’m sorry. Do you want to know anything else? I think Harry might need another calming draught. He’s not long recovered from his own rather serious injury and seeing Draco like this is hitting him pretty hard.”

“We need to know about any other potions he might have taken and when?”

“He’s on a whole bunch of them. He took his doses as usual last night. They’re mood stabilisers and anti-anxiety potions. The ones stronger than the regular calming draught. I think he had an extra one of those this morning before I left for work – around 8am. He uses dreamless sleep occasionally, but he hasn’t had that in more than a week. I can get a full list for you, or I can give you the details of his mind-healer. She knows his meds better than I do and I know she had an appointment with him this morning. Draco is the one who understands his whole regime. Harry and I pretty much only know which bottles he needs to take and when. I could go home and grab you them to look if you need, but I’d rather stay here. Harry won’t leave, and he needs me right now.”

“He has a history of this then?”

“Yes. We’ve always managed at home before though. With Harry and Draco’s mind-healer’s help. We always manage him at home.” Blaise’s voice broke slightly over the last sentence, but he couldn’t break down again now. Not with both Harry and Draco in a state.

“Very well. If you can get in contact with his mind-healer I think that would be the most useful. You can stay as long as you need, obviously. I’ll go grab Mr Potter one of the stronger calming draughts. He’s not on anything that might interfere with them, right?”

“No. He takes them occasionally at home – normally the regular ones but he also has prescription from his mind healer for the strong ones. He hasn’t had one today. He finished all the potions for his injury two weeks ago, so there should be nothing that could cause an adverse reaction.”

“Very well, Mr…”

“Zabini.”

“Very well, Mr Zabini. I’m Healer Cartwright.”

The healer left and came back pretty quickly with the high strength calming draught. Blaise helped Harry take it. Blaise concentrated Harry, not wanting to see what they were doing with Draco. He carded his fingers through the scruffy black hair and held him tight. His clothes were covered in blood and tears. The salty mixture uncomfortable and sticking to his chest, but he would not leave until he could place Harry in the bed next to Draco. 

It could have been ten minutes or ten hours later when a different healer came over to the two of them.

“I’m the head healer of this ward. Mr Malfoy is stable for now. He’s probably going to be unconscious for a little while, maybe even a few days. But we are happy that unless something unexpected happens, the worst is over.”

“Thank you so much.” Blaise said, feeling a wave of relief. Harry didn’t respond, or even give the slightest indication that he’d heard what the healer had said. “Um… I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ask for this unless it was really necessary, but I think Harry needs to be closer to Draco right now. Um… He’s had some calming draughts, but I’m fairly certain he’s had a nasty flashback and won’t be able to comprehend that Draco’s okay until he’s physically holding him.”

“Really?”

“Yes. There was an incident a long time ago. I’m pretty certain some things he saw reminded him of it. Look, if I just put him next to Draco, he’ll be okay. This isn’t a new situation for any of us. When Harry’s settled, I’ll go get Tara. She’s both of their mind healer and has been treating the two of them for a while. Obviously, Harry’s condition is covered by confidentially wards, just as Draco’s is. I’d also be grateful if the fact that the three of us are here together is treated with the same privacy.” Then with a wide smile. “The Zabini family would be happy to make a generous donation to this fine establishment, should we be pleased with how the two of them are treated. I can’t speak definitively for either Harry or Draco, but I’m fairly certain that the Black, Potter and Malfoy families would also be pleased to show their gratitude for the same.”

The healer nodded. They may never have had to use the ward here before, but that didn’t mean Blaise didn’t know how it worked.

“I will be sure to add the personal information about your relationship to the standard contract all healers who work in this exclusive ward sign, so it will be covered by the same clauses as any medical information. No one who has seen you here has left yet, and even if they had, my healers here are all completely trustworthy and understand the importance of our patients need for privacy. Now, why don’t I widen the bed a little and you can place Mr Potter down next to Mr Malfoy.”

“Come on, love. I’m going to pick you up and take you to Draco.” Blaise whispered into Harry’s ear.

Blaise lifted Harry and carried him the few short strides to the bed where Draco was lying. He was so pale. His left arm was tightly bandaged, and he had tubes that appeared to have been inserted into several of his veins, with potions slowly dripping down into them. He tucked Harry into Draco’s right side, then laced their fingers together and hooked Harry’s ankle around Draco’s. Other than being on the wrong side of each other, it was how they slept most nights. Blaise kissed them both lightly on the forehead. He was satisfied when he saw Harry edge a little closer into Draco.

“I’m going to go and contact their mind healer for you now. She’ll be able to fill you in on the two of them. Harry should be okay in an hour or so. This doesn’t happen very often for him, at least not when he shuts down completely. I’d request that you don’t touch him at all for the time being. I will be back in ten minutes, and if you need Harry moved at all to treat Draco, I’ll do it.”

“That sounds perfectly reasonable, Mr Zabini.” Blaise knew on any other ward none of this would be perfectly reasonable. Ordering complete gagging orders on all staff, allowing a partner to sleep in the bed with a critically ill patient, and the other partner essentially telling the healers what they were and weren’t allowed to do to do their job. He also knew that on any other ward there would have been a lot more questioning about the dark mark that Draco had managed to carve through in the this latest attempt, and the fact that Harry Potter had been the one to come in carrying an ex-Death Eater. Most of the time being wealthy wasn’t something he thought about. It was just what he’d grown up with. Times like this though, he was infinitely grateful for the easy access to money and its privileges, he usually took for granted.

Tara said she’d be there within the hour when Blaise told her what had happened. Blaise wanted to go home and grab some clean clothes, but he headed back to the room with Draco and Harry instead. He wasn’t leaving until Harry, at least, was okay. This was only the third time Harry had ever had a flashback bad enough to lock him out of reality for more than a few minutes, and in some ways, it was worse than seeing Draco like that. At least with Draco, he was a bit more used to it. He sat down on Harry’s side of the bed. Harry and turned onto his side and had both of his hands grasped around Draco’s right hand. A healer brought him a cup of tea and he drank it while he waited. Like Harry often did for Draco, he drew patterns with his finger on Harry’s back. He heard when his breathing changed into the deep pattern of sleep, and relaxed a little, he didn’t stop tracing patterns though.

“Blaise.” Tara said, quietly when she entered. She came over to him and enveloped him in a warm and very welcome hug. “What happened?” She asked, stepping back so she could look at both Draco and Harry lying on the hospital bed.

“No idea. I came home to check on him at lunch and just found him. If I’d been even a few minutes later…” Blaise felt tears starting to well up.

“Hey. You got there. No point going on about what ifs. And Harry?”

“I called him in from the Ministry and he arrived about ten minutes later. When he saw what had happened, I could see a flashback starting. I probably shouldn’t have called him. There was blood all over the bathroom. But I needed him.”

“Okay, then what.”

“Harry pulled himself together. I was a mess and I think he saw that and… he stayed calm and took complete control. When the bezoar didn’t work Harry brought him here, he said we didn’t have a choice.”

“Having looked at the charts, I would agree on the not having a choice. I know you three manage a lot on your own at home, but you could not manage this.”

“I can see that. Anyway, I managed to pull myself together after a calming draught. They gave Harry and me one each as soon as they started dealing with Draco, and basically Harry held it together until I was able to take over. The healers know not to touch him. I would tell them not to touch Draco either, but that would probably be counterproductive to actually healing him.” Blaise let out a small, but slightly hysterical sounding, laugh.

“I’ll go through everything with the healers here. I assume they can be trusted. I know how important your privacy is to the three of you.”

“The Goldburg ward is about as private as it gets. It’s the old money pure-blood ward. The chances are Harry and Draco are the only patients here at the moment, and the place is under several secrecy enchantments. The healers looking after them, apart from the head of department, will all have been pulled off their regular wards the second a patient came in and are bound by strict contracts. I’m not surprised you haven’t heard of the place, very few people have. Luckily, we have two beds here, otherwise we might have some trouble with them treating both Harry and Draco, but the Malfoy family and the Black family each own a room. If we wanted to, we could request that when Draco and Harry are discharged that the healers have their memories modified.”

“Well for your sakes, I’m glad. I’ll tell the healers about not touching Draco unless absolutely necessary, and not to do so at all if Harry isn’t here. Now. Are you okay? I know you’re not my patient, but you are my friend.”

“I’m holding up about as well as could be expected. I can’t believe how useless I was when I found him though. I’m normally better than that. I’m normally the one who can….” Blaise stopped. He couldn’t let his thoughts carry on down that line or he’d fall apart again. “Was there any sign that Draco would do this when you saw him earlier?”

“No. He was a little on edge. He’d made four batches of truffles and spent our appointment making an enormous chocolate cake, but nothing that made me think he was about to do this. If I’d been worried, I wouldn’t have left, or I would have called one of the two of you home.”

“I know you would have. I just…”

“Hey… come here.” Tara opened her arms and Blaise let her wrap them around him. “You are allowed to have a bit of a break down too. Just because they do it so spectacularly doesn’t mean they have to complete monopoly about not being okay on occasion.”

“Shit, I’m getting blood and tears all over you as well now.” Blaise said when he looked up from Tara’s shoulder, although feeling better for crying.

“It doesn’t matter in the slightest. Now I’ll go sort everything out with the healers here. If you need me to pop in at any point, or go to yours to get you anything, just let me know.”

“Thanks. Honestly, I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“It really is no bother.”

“It is and you know it, but I think some clean clothes would be appreciated. Also, if that cake Draco was making is finished, can you bring it here for the healers on the ward. There’s no point it sitting at home and going off.”

“I can do that. I’ll be back with the stuff in a few hours. Hopefully, Harry will have woken up then. A double dose of calming draught will knock most people out. I think sometimes you forget how much of a tolerance Draco has to those things. Do you need me to bring you dinner?”

“No. There’s a menu service on this ward, I’ll order something when I’m hungry. I’ll see you later though.”

Blaise stayed in the chair by Harry and Draco’s bed. The healers had conjured a bed for him at some point, but he didn’t move. He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep anyway. Tara came back with the cake and fresh clothes and pyjamas for the three of them, but left as soon as she’d dropped them off, only reiterating that she would be there to help out in any way that she could. He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he woke up to Harry saying his name.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Blaise said, smiling at his dark-haired lover who was looking over at him from the bed.

“Yeah. Woke up a couple of hours ago. I thought I’d let you sleep a bit longer.”

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit like this is all a dream. It really happened though.”

“Yes. He’s going to be okay.”

“I know. One of the healers came in not long after I woke up and told me. He said that they are going to keep Draco asleep for a few days. I think Tara recommended it so there are no magical accidents while they treat the worst of it.”

“That seems sensible. I wish we could just take him home though and have him awake and with us.”

“I do too, but I think this is best for now.”

“I’m so sorry I called you to that mess. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Hey. I’m glad you did. Me having a minor breakdown is nothing compared to you needing me and me not being there. And you needed me there. I’m okay now.”

Harry clambered off the bed and into Blaise’s lap, although he kept his hand tight in Draco’s. “I love you. And you know I’m here for you. It’s not up to you to keep it all together for the two of us messed up idiots.”

“Tara told me yesterday that I was allowed to be a mess too. That you and Draco don’t have the monopoly on it.” Blaise smiled.

“That sounds like her. And seems very sensible. We can rota you into our breakdowns if you need. As long as at least one of us is holding it together at a time, we’re all good. Right.”

“Right.” Blaise chuckled. Having Harry back made him feel better. “Draco and I got really lucky that you came to the Manor that day.”

“I think I got pretty lucky too. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Good. Now I have something I need to do and am going to have to leave for an hour or so.”

“Seriously? I didn’t think you’d be leaving his side until he was awake and telling you to piss off.”

“I don’t want to, but I think I probably freaked Ron out the way I left yesterday. They won’t be able to contact me here either. I’ve learnt my lesson on that one and want to get it sorted as soon as possible. We can’t risk getting Draco home only for my friends to do what they did last time I dropped out of contact.”

“Why do you sound so sensible right now?”

“Because I’ve spent the last four hours thinking it over in excruciating detail, and I need to do this whilst they’re keeping Draco unconscious, as I’m definitely not leaving when there’s even the slightest risk he might wake up.”

It was only when Harry stepped through the floo, that Blaise realise that Harry wasn’t quite as together as he had been making out. He hadn’t gotten changed before leaving and was still covered in dried blood.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry had spent a long time going over what to do in his head. He didn’t know exactly why Draco had done what he did, but his going back to work that day could not have been a coincidence. Harry flooed straight to the Ministry and made his way up to the Auror offices. About halfway through the corridors he noticed that people were staring. He guessed his abrupt departure yesterday must have become the latest gossip. When he entered the DMLE he headed straight to Robards’ office. Ron stopped him before he got there.

“Holy shit, Harry. What fuck happened?” Ron looked wide eyed with panic.

“There was… It’s not important.”

“Not important. Harry, you’re covered in blood.”

“Oh.” Harry had completely forgotten about the fact that the clothes he’d been wearing were soaked in Draco’s blood. “It’s not mine.”

“Whose is it?”

“There was an accident at home. I’ve spent the night in St Mungo’s. I guess I forgot to change.”

“Harry, you seem a little out of it.”

Harry did feel a little out of it. Like everything that had happened since the patronus the day before had been a dream. Reality didn’t exactly feel real. He’d had the same feeling after he defeated Voldemort. He remembered it lasting for weeks. Expecting all the time that he’d wake up and nothing would have been real. That he’d be back in the cupboard under the stairs as a frightened child. “Yeah, it’s not been a great night.” Harry managed to answer, though even to his ears his voice felt off. Then with a slight giggle he added. “You’ll have to wait for those truffles, not sure when I’ll be back home to send them.”

“Harry, I don’t care about chocolates right now. I care about you.”

“I’m really fine Ron. I need to talk to Robards and then I want to get back to the hospital. I probably won’t be contactable for a few days. Maybe a week.” Harry forced his thoughts to get back on track and away from the chocolates Draco had spent the previous morning making before everything had gone wrong.

“You’re not fine. I’m getting you a cup of tea and calming draught. Sit. I’ll bring Robards to you.”

Harry didn’t have it in him to protest, so did as he was told. Ron hurried away, coming back with a cup of tea, that Harry knew without being told, had been laced with calming draught. The Head Auror followed closely behind, his face radiating almost as much concern as Ron’s.

“Harry, Ron say’s you wanted to speak to me.” Robards said, overly gently, as if Harry was a frightened animal.

“Um… yes.”

“I gather there was some kind of accident? Do you need the Aurors to investigate?”

That was the last thing he wanted. Not that they could investigate anyway. 

“No… No… it was really an accident. Potions incident at home. My boyfriend was injured, and a friend found him and… That’s not why I’m here.” Harry didn’t even realise he’d just outed himself to his boss, nor see the raised eyebrows that Robards gave Ron. Ron gave Robards a pointed look and nodded in response, trying to make sure his boss didn’t make a big deal out of it.

“If you’re sure Harry.” Robards sounded anything but. “I hope your boyfriend is going to be okay.”

“He’s… he’s still at St Mungo’s and will be for a few days at least.”

“Do you need us to gag the press?”

“No. The ward we’re on...” Harry wasn’t sure how much to share here. He didn’t know whether his boss would be able to guess at what ward he was using at St Mungo’s but thought he might have knowledge most others didn’t as the Head Auror. He decided that letting Robards know couldn’t do too much damage. “There’s no risk of any of it getting out. Might need you to keep them talking about me walking in here covered in blood though.”

Robards raised his eyebrows again and Harry wasn’t sure whether it was because of the inference of where he was staying or the slightly hysterical tone, he knew was evident when he spoke, despite the calming draught.

“Goldburg?”

Harry sighed. “Yes. I have a bed there. Never had to use it before though. Look, I really want to get back to him. I just didn’t want people to panic when they couldn’t get hold of me. We’ve got a complete block on post whilst we’re there. It’s safer.”

“Okay, well you take the week off. If you need any longer after that, let me know.”

This was the moment that he’d come here for. Harry was petrified. He knew he had to say it though.

“Umm… that’s not actually it, sir. I… I don’t think I can work here anymore. I’m really sorry, but I…”

“Harry…?” Ron asked, and Harry realised that Ron was still stood next to him. Somehow it had slipped his notice. His mind felt so disjointed. Harry closed his eyes and tried to collect himself again. It didn’t really work but he managed to carry on talking anyway. This time addressing both of the men with him.

“Yeah. I… well I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to go back and work in the field and office work isn’t for me. I…”

“Harry, you’ve just been through something that’s shaken you. I don’t want you to make any rash decisions about your future right now. I can give you a month off. I know you said you’ve recently started seeing a mind-healer after your accident.” Robards replied.

Harry laughed. It wasn’t a nice laugh though. It was a distant and distracted one. His slight manipulation before had clearly been successful. Now was the time to correct the faulty assumption and destroy his career at the same time. He had to make it so he could never go back. Even if he tried. “I’ve been seeing her for more than two years. This isn’t the first time she’s told me I shouldn’t be in the field. This is just the first time I’ve actually listened. I should probably never have been allowed to pass the psychological evaluation to get into the training programme. My accident… The one that nearly killed me… I had a flashback and froze. I’ve been having them for years. Even before the end of the war. And it wasn’t even the first one I’ve had that’s caused me to get injured. I can’t pretend they don’t happen anymore. It’s not fair on the rest of you. I’m not safe or fit to work anywhere near an active case. I probably never will be. I’m really sorry.”

“Harry… you never said anything.” Ron looked stunned.

“No. I didn’t.”

Robards looked at Harry kindly. Far more kindly than Harry felt he deserved. The fact was, Harry could easily have gotten someone else hurt working the job he did when at any moment he could have been dragged back into a flashback, particularly when the dangers of the job and the things he saw as an Auror were those things most likely to trigger and episode. He’d gotten bloody lucky up to this point to be the only one injured. Nearly the only one injured. If he hadn’t come to work yesterday, Draco wouldn’t be in hospital. He knew that. He knew that it was his fault. He wouldn’t let it happen again. Robards broke him from the guilt spiral he was starting down when he spoke. “Well, Harry. I’m glad you came to me now. I should be furious with you, but I don’t think that would help. I would appreciate a letter from your healer about this and we can give you a medical discharge. Provided you are really only person that has been injured as a result of your actions, I won’t recommend a disciplinary hearing and a dismissal for gross misconduct.”

“Thank you, sir. I’m really the only one who has gotten hurt. But I’d understand if you decided on disciplinary action anyway.”

“I don’t think that is necessary for the moment. Mr Weasley, do you think you can accompany Harry here back to the hospital. I think he needs the company. You can take the rest of the day off if he needs you.”

“Come on Harry, let’s get you out of here.” Ron said very gently and pulling Harry to his feet. “Do you need to go home first for a change of clothes or straight to the hospital.”

“I’ve got clean clothes at the hospital.”

“Okay. I’m going to side along you to St Mungo’s and then stay with you until you’re back with him.”

“You don’t…”

“I’m not taking no for an answer. I’m fairly certain you’d splinch yourself if you tried to apparate right now.”

“I can floo.”

“Harry, you’re not well right now. I can see that. I’m not letting you use a floo by yourself. The chances are that you’d get lost.”

“I’m fine Ron. Honestly.” Harry tried to insist.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Harry could see Ron wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He had to make one thing completely clear though. On this one point he couldn’t budge. Even if he wanted to.

“You can take me to the hospital. You can’t come onto the ward though.”

Ron looked like he wanted to protest further, but something stopped him, and he nodded. “Fine Harry. If that’s what it takes to get you to agree, I’ll leave you at the ward doors.”

“Apparate me to the 9th floor point.”

“The private wards?” Ron sounded puzzled. Harry had never used the private wards before. Had never felt it necessary even though he could easily afford it. 

“Yes.” Harry answered, simply. Harry didn’t feel like explaining.

Harry was actually grateful that Ron insisted, as he promptly threw up the second they arrived in St Mungo’s, and was then accosted by healers trying to admit him. Ron managed to get them to back off and tell them he was here as a visitor, not a patient. Luckily, as they’d come straight to the private patient floor, there weren’t any members of the public hanging around.

“What ward is your friend on, Harry?”

Harry threw up a muffliato

“You need to keep quiet about me seeing a friend here. I don’t want the press speculating. And it’s the Goldburg ward. I can make my way there alone. Can you take down the names of any of the healers who’ve seen me. This is why I should have flooed.”

“I told you I’m delivering you all the way there. And why do you need the names of the healers?”

Harry sighed. “You’re not going to like it. But there are certain privileges that patients on the ward my friend is on get. One of which is complete privacy. Either those healers sign a binding confidentially agreement not to say anything about me being here, or they’ll be obliviated. Fuck, I’ll just get them to get every healer on the floor to sign one. None of the patients saw me, which is something.”

“Seriously, Harry.” Ron stared open mouthed. 

“Seriously. I inherited the bed here from Sirius. It’s not that big a deal. Well it is. But it’s… it’s just how it is.”

“Why are you using it now though? You’ve never bothered before.”

Harry didn’t have the strength to come up with a clever lie. At least, unlike in the ministry when Ron had questioned him about his using a private ward, they couldn’t be overheard right now.

“If it _was_ for me, I wouldn’t be bothering. Sure the privacy is nice, but there are some drawbacks. Like the no post, for one. And the really restrictive visitors’ policy. If I didn’t own one of the beds, and wasn’t such a public figure, the chances are I wouldn’t be allowed on. It’s pretty much old pure-blood families with more gold than they know what to do with only. Some wealthy families from abroad are allowed to be on the visitors list, but not many. I don’t like it, but I will use it now.”

“Is it really so important that no one finds out who you’re seeing, and what really happened yesterday? Was it really a potions incident?”

Harry laughed, the strange unpleasant laugh from earlier again. “Yes it’s essential he’s protected from the public reaction to my being in a relationship. It really was a potions incident, well sort of. He downed four full phials of my left-over pain killers.”

“Shit. And the blood.”

“That would be from him slicing his arm to pieces with a knife.”

“Harry…”

“Look we’re here. And you really can’t come any further. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone what actually happened. I’ll owl you when we get home. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to see you though. I might not be able to leave the house for a while when we get home. It depends on how he is.”

“Can I talk to ‘Mione?”

“I suppose. Don’t tell her about the ward. She won’t like it. And don’t tell her about why I quit work. I’ll tell her myself. I’d rather her not work herself up into a state about it. Especially not with the baby.”

“I won’t. I hope he gets better soon. You have your other partner looking out for you in there, right?”

“Yeah, he’ll be waiting for me. You’re a really good friend Ron, sorry I’m such a crap one at the moment. Actually if you wait there for a minute, I’ll just pop in and get something for you. I said I was going to give you some of the truffles he made. I think they’re still at home, but our mind healer brought the cake he made to the ward yesterday. It has some truffles on top of it. It’s enormous. I’ll bring you out a couple of slices before you go. Okay.”

“Harry you don’t have to.”

For some reason giving Ron some of the chocolate cake felt really important right now. In some part of Harry’s mind he knew he wasn’t being rationale. He had been furiously holding himself together for the last hour or so, just, and now it was starting to unravel. He wanted Blaise and he wanted Draco. And he wanted Ron to have some of the damn chocolate cake. He wanted some good to come from that stupid cake and it wasn’t like he could force himself to eat it. The very thought of it made him feel sick. He wasn’t sure whether he’d ever be able to eat chocolate cake again knowing it could easily have been the last thing Draco ever made.

“It’s fine. There’s too much for the healers to eat anyway. I’ll be less than five minutes.”

“Harry, you’re back.” Blaise said, concern all over his face as Harry walked into Draco’s room. 

“Yeah. I just…”

“Did you see your friend?”

“I saw Ron… He’s still waiting outside the ward. It’s not why I left though. I went to the Ministry.” Harry admitted. He hadn’t told Blaise where he was going before he’d left because he knew the other man would try and stop him. 

“Harry!”

Before Blaise could say anything else Harry quickly interrupted. “I quit my job. I told them why I couldn’t be an auror.” Harry felt tears welling up in his eyes. The break down he’d been hold back was hitting in full force now he was back with the people he felt safest with. “I need to get some cake for Ron. He’s waiting.”

“Harry. You will do no such thing. You will lie down next to Draco and when you’re calm, I’m getting you in the shower. You are still covered in his blood.”

“Oh.. I keep forgetting that. I think I freaked out a few people.”

“Come here. Let me get you comfortable.”

“But… Ron… He’s waiting.” Harry started to move towards the hateful cake that he knew Ron just had to have. Blaise caught his arm and stopped him. Harry found himself pulled into a hug.

“I’ll go and see him. I’ll take him that cake you’re so insistent he has.” Blaise said gently and kissed Harry lightly on the forehead.

“He likes cake. And he got me back here.”

“It’s okay Harry. I’ll take him some. You just sit with Draco for a bit. I’ll be no more than five minutes.”

He couldn’t believe he was actually doing this. But for some reason it was vitally important to Harry that his friend take some of Draco’s cake home. He was knew Harry wasn’t exactly thinking straight. He’d managed to get Harry laid down next to Draco again, still in the same blood-soaked clothes and had cut two large slices of the cake and conjured up a box to put them in. He’d given Harry one last kiss before leaving the room and heading out of the ward. He walked out of the doors and Blaise spotted the red-head he vaguely remembered from school sat opposite the entrance to the ward. The red-head looked up as he exited. When he saw it wasn’t Harry he looked back down again. He clearly didn’t recognise Blaise from school.

“Ronald Weasley.” Blaise said, firmly.

“Urr… Yes.”

“Harry sent me out with this for you.” Blaise handed over the box. “It’s chocolate cake.” He clarified, in case the Weasley wasn’t sure.

“Oh… I thought he’d be bringing them out himself. You don’t look much like a healer.”

“I’m not a healer.”

“Then why….” Ron’s eyes grew wider. “You’re one of them. Aren’t you?”

“One of whom?” Blaise kept his voice as calm and stand-offish as he could manage. The cool Slytherin mask firmly in place.

“One of the mysterious boyfriends he kept completely secret for two years.”

“Yes.” Blaise admitted, though didn’t elaborate further on it. “Harry isn’t feeling too good at the moment, so I insisted he lie down. He wouldn’t, however, until I promised to bring you cake.”

“Well it’s really nice to meet you.” The Weasley actually sounded genuine about this. But then he also still hadn’t recognised him. “Maybe when your other partner gets better you can all come over and visit me and Hermione. You’re the fashion designer one, right?”

“Yes.”

“He only told me you guys existed yesterday.”

Blaise didn’t want to continue this conversation. He was only out here because Harry was being an idiot and had managed to work himself up into a complete state. Again. “I need to get back to them. I hope you enjoy your cake.” His voice came out much harsher than he really meant.

“Urrhh… Yeah… Thanks… Look, I mean it about having you guys over. I know he’s got some super weird complex about letting people know about you, but… He’s my best friend. I just want him to be happy.”

“I’m glad. I don’t think he’s going to be ready to introduce you to our other for quite a while. Especially not after this.” Blaise tried to sound a little less like a prick when he answered this time.

“I get that. Okay. I’ll head off then… Probably should get back to work.”

“Goodbye Ronald Weasley.”

“Bye… Urr.. you didn’t tell me your name.”

“It’s not important.” Blaise swept back into the ward without another look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are likely to be a little sporadic after this. I am essentially homeless right now whilst I'm waiting for the completion date on my new house. I don't know when I'll feel up to writing much, and I don't have that much more of this written out, just story boarded. Hopefully when I'm settled I'll be able to get back to working on this a little more rigourously.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to do some work on this fic. I've had the first half this chapter finished for ages but I just couldn't work out how I wanted to finish it. I hope people enjoy. Kudos and comments are always a good motivator for me to continue writing, and even if I don't reply to every comment I read and adore everyone.

Harry knew that Draco was getting better when he was told to piss off in no uncertain terms. The pillow that was thrown at his head seconds later only confirmed the fact. The healers were planning on discharging him after lunch the following day. Blaise was at work, but was due back soon, so Harry decided, rather than falling into the fight that was inevitably going to happen if he didn’t give Draco five minutes peace, he’d head down to the canteen and grab a coffee. He didn’t really like the canteen coffee, but he thought escaping the ward might do him some good. The canteen was pretty quiet when he got there and ordered himself a large and very milky latte with salted caramel syrup. Lots of sugar was the only way to make the coffee here even halfway palatable. He was just making his way back, coffee in hand, when a familiar voice called out to him.

“Harry… is that you?”

Harry turned to see who had called out and found himself grinning at seeing the older woman with an empty pushchair and a toddler on her hip who was determinately trying to tug at her hair.

“Andi? What you are you doing here?”

“Hawwy…” The toddler interrupted before Andi could answer. She quickly passed the baby over who started trying to alternately grab at Harry’s coffee and poke his fingers in Harry’s mouth. Harry broke a piece of shortbread off the biscuit he’d bought to go with his coffee and handed it to Teddy to distract him whilst he spoke to Andi.

“I have an appointment to see a healer in about half an hour.”

“Are you okay?” Harry didn’t like the implications of Andi needing to see a healer.

“It’s just about the tiredness, I’m sure it’s nothing. Look I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve been owling for a few days to see if you’d take Teddy and I was getting worried that you hadn’t replied.”

“Sorry, I never got your letters. Um… there was a thing and I’ve been here for the last week.” The block on letters was definitely a significant inconvenience of the ward.

“Partner one?” Andi guessed, intuitively.

“Yeah… It was pretty bad.” Harry knew that it was an understatement, but he knew from the way Andi’s expression changed, something about his tone or body language had let Andi know that something awful had happened. He quickly continued, trying to reassure her. “He’s okay now, actually he just threw me out of his room. I do need to get back.” Harry paused then, suddenly making a decision. “I… I can take Teddy with me. If you want. It’ll be easier for you to go to your appointment without him getting fractious on you.”

Andi didn’t hesitate to answer, and Harry knew he’d made the right decision in offering. “Harry, you’re an angel. I can come and find you when I’m done. I shouldn’t be more than an hour. Just tell me where to come.”

Harry knew he could ask her to meet him back here, but instead he made the second rash decision of the conversation. “We’re up on the 9th floor….” Harry admitted sheepishly, then hesitated for a long moment before continuing with the explanation. “I’m using the Black bed.”

“Harry…?”

Andi knew all the rules about that bed and the ward. She also needed someone to look after Teddy however, and he was fairly certain she had guessed some things about Draco and Blaise from all of their conversations in the past, but she had never pressed him. If she hadn’t already though, she could certainly pull this thread and come to the fairly obvious conclusion about who at least one of his partners was.

“Yeah. If you want to you should be able to come in. I don’t know about meeting them, but I’ll ask. I want you to meet them. I mean. If you want to meet them. That is.” Harry knew he was rambling a little. He didn’t think he’d felt quite so nervous about anything before.

“Of course I want to meet them. But…Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Not at all.” Harry half laughed. “I can’t promise they’ll agree to meet you. But… this week has…” Harry paused trying to find the right words. “Let’s just say I want some things to change. I even quit my job.”

“That’s… we’ll talk about that later.” Andi said with a pointed look at Harry, then noticing the time. “Look I have to run. Everything you need for him is in the bottom of the buggy.” Andromeda kissed him on the cheek, leaving him with the empty buggy and a toddler who had managed whist he was distracted to take the lid off his coffee and stick his whole fist into it. It made Harry very glad that the coffee was extremely milky and pretty cool by the time Teddy had accomplished that. The last thing he needed was an injured Teddy on top of everything else.

Harry signed Teddy in when they got up to the ward and entered Draco’s room. 

“You’re…” Draco started with a grin, that rapidly changed to an expression of mixed horror and confusion. “You acquired a child. You were only gone for fifteen minutes, right? Twenty-five at the most. I’ve not completely lost my mind being stuck here?”

“Draco, this Teddy. I bumped into Andi downstairs and she had an appointment, so I offered to take him. I got the impression she’s been trying to ask me to have him so she could attend alone all week.”

“I… You seriously brought your godson up here.”

“I can wait with him outside if you want to, but I didn’t want to stay away for the whole time I’m looking after him without telling you why I hadn’t come straight back.”

Draco looked torn.

“Draco, do you want to meet him? He is your second cousin, or something, as well as my godson.”

“He’s my first cousin once removed.” Draco said, sounding horribly pompous and Harry had to stifle a giggle. He was glad he did when he saw the expression on Draco’s face and even more so at the next words came out of Draco’s mouth. “Can I really meet him?” Draco seemed both awed at the prospect and shocked that he was being allowed to actually meet this tiny human.

“I don’t get the how the whole first cousin, second cousin thing works.” Harry said, trying to keep the mood light. Like Draco being introduced to Teddy wasn’t the monumental occurrence that it was. “And I bought him here, didn’t I. Of course you can meet Teddy.” Harry smiled widely at the blonde propped up in bed.

“Well, when you have a family as well known for inbreeding as mine, you have to have a good grasp on the family tree.” Harry knew that the affected tone that Draco was using was a defence mechanism. He was trying to make light of what was happening too. 

“Yes of course. Something to be proud of. Generations of cousins marrying and having children.”

“Precisely.”

“You’re a prat, Malfoy. But I love you.” Harry pushed the buggy further into the room and next to Draco’s bed. 

When Blaise came back it was to find Harry, Draco and Teddy all sat on the bed. Draco had a delighted grin on his face as he poked Teddy in the stomach making him giggle, and for the first time since Draco was admitted, Harry looked truly relaxed.

“How are my favourite people doing? It seems you’ve managed to kidnap a small human.” Blaise said, leaning on the doorway and enjoying the scene.

“Hi.” Draco looked up, the smile still on his face and light in his eyes.

“Hello, love. I bumped into Andi and she needed a babysitter. This is my Teddy-Bear. Teddy, this is your Uncle Blaise who draws pretty pictures and gives you far too many presents according to Grandma.”

“Pessants. Pessants.” The exited toddler exclaimed, jumping up and down.

“Very nice to meet you at last Teddy. I’m very sorry, I don’t have any presents for you today. I didn’t know you would be coming to visit. I could draw you a picture if you like.”

“Cake!”

“I can draw you a cake.”

“Cake!”

Blaise went and grabbed his work sketchpad and pencils from his bag and quickly drew Teddy a picture of a cake. The toddler seemed happy with this, although Blaise was fairly certain the boy had been after real cake and not a drawing. After handing over the drawing, he sat down and began to sketch out the scene before him on the bed, with Teddy, Draco and Harry all playing and laughing. He’d just about got the outline done when a nurse came and knocked on the door.

“A guest has arrived for you. One of you will need to come and sign her in and confirm she’s from an appropriate family.”

“You sure you’re okay with meeting her, Draco?” Harry asked. Draco looked nervous but gave a small nod. Draco and Harry had obviously discussed this before Blaise had arrived back. Blaise was slightly surprised, but pleased all the same. This was a big step. One that had been a long time coming and was clearly important to Harry.

“I’ll go, you carry on playing with Teddy.” Blaise said, standing up and putting his sketch book down. Before he left the room, he grabbed out his camera and took a quick snap of the image, so he’d have it to finish his drawing later. Both Draco and Harry looked up at him with matching scowls when they realised what he’d done, but quickly went back to entertaining the little one. Blaise followed he nurse out of the room to the little entrance way where guests were to wait until they’d been approved. Blaise had never met Andromeda Tonks before. He knew a fair amount about her from Harry though. 

“Mrs Tonks?” Blaise asked the tall older woman sat waiting.

“Hello.” The woman said, a little primly. Blaise recognised the pure-blood mask. This woman may have married a muggleborn, but she was still a Black.

“I’m Blaise Zabini. I’m one of Harry’s friends.” Blaise introduced himself.

Blaise watch as the mask dropped, and Andromeda burst into a wide and infectious smile at this announcement. “Very nice to meet you. Call me Andi. Please. I’ve heard so much about you I feel like I know you already. You’re the artist, right?”

“Is that how Harry describes me?”

“One of many ways he describes you. He talks about you a lot. I assume everything is well here?”

“As well as can be expected. Do you want to come through and see Harry and…” Blaise hesitated. He wasn’t quite sure why. He was about to bring this woman to meet Draco, yet still he felt unsure about saying Draco’s name out loud. They’d lived so long with this secret it felt surreal to be letting someone else in on it.

“I’m guessing my nephew.” Andomeda surprised Blaise by saying before he’d made his mind up about what to tell her. “I’ve known for a while. Or at least I assume it’s him. If it’s not, I’ll be very surprised.”

“Yes. Draco. I’ll just sign the book and we can head straight in. How did you know?”

“Harry talks about both of you. Draco seemed the most likely candidate to require the lengths you’ve gone to to keep it all a secret. And remember, I am a Black. I know about the illness that runs in my family and Harry talks about Draco a lot. I’m just very sorry that my Nephew is affected by that horrible condition.”

“It’s just one of those things. It could be a lot worse.”

Andromeda got a sad expression on her face, and Blaise remembered how much worse it could be. That she had effectively lost a sister to the condition that Draco had.

“It could be.” Andromeda said sombrely. “Anyway, enough of that. My Grandson, Nephew and Harry are all waiting for us.”

Harry and Draco had moved when the two of them had entered the room. Draco sat between Harry’s legs with Teddy on his lap. Teddy looked just about ready to fall asleep. It amazed Blaise how quickly toddlers went from bounding with energy to conked out. He didn’t really have much experience with children. He grabbed his camera up again to take a picture of this new scene too. This day was important. He wanted to remember it.

“Hello, Andi.” Harry said. “I would get up to greet you, but I’m rather trapped here. Teddy’s just fallen asleep. I’m sure Blaise has introduced himself, but this is your Nephew, Draco Malfoy. I’ve wanted to introduce the two of you for a long time.”

“Draco. It’s lovely to meet you at last. I’m pleased to see you’re looking so well.”

“Thank you, Aunt Andromeda. The healers have said I can go home tomorrow.”

“That’s great news. I can see your cousin has taken to you.”

“He’s a wonderful little boy. I can see why Harry likes spending so much time with him.”

Blaise went back to drawing whilst Andromeda sat and spoke to Draco and Harry. Teddy slept on. Although stilted at first, Blaise saw Draco becoming more comfortable with talking to his Aunt. This was only the fourth person Draco had been in contact with since he’d left Azkaban. There was almost a sticky moment when Andromeda bought up Narcissa, but Harry quickly steered the conversation away from Draco’s mother. There were a pile of unopened letters from her at home from the last two years. Never read and never replied to. One day Draco might feel ready, but Blaise didn’t think it would be soon. Andromeda left as soon as Teddy woke up. The toddler was hungry and grumpy on waking, so she decided to get him home to feed him as soon as possible. There were promises made for Andi to come and visit them with Teddy though. She invited them over as well, but both Blaise and Harry knew that Draco was unlikely to leave the Manor again for a while. It had been two years since he’d left it before they’d had to drag him here, and if it hadn’t been necessary to save his life, he still wouldn’t have left.

Draco was asleep, curled up in the hospital bed. Harry and Blaise were still awake though. Harry sat on Blaise’s lap in one of the comfortable armchairs in the room.

“I can’t believe today actually happened.” Harry said, softly.

“I know. Particularly after everything else.”

“We ready to go home tomorrow?”

“I asked the elves to clean the flat when I went through on my way to work yesterday.”

“So…”

“I also asked them to redecorate the bathroom.”

“Thank you. I don’t think I could have walked in their again if anything was left to remind me of…”

“He’s still here. He’s as well as he gets.”

“I feel like he’s hiding something though. Like he’s putting on an everything’s okay face. Like that time he stopped taking his meds just before I moved in with you guys.”

“I know. But he’s definitely taking his meds.”

“He won’t talk about what happened.”

“Hopefully he’ll talk to Tara when she sees him in a few days.”

“I should never have tried to go back to work.”

“Hey. Love, no guilt. These things happen. And you can’t never work again and spend all your time monitoring him to make sure nothing bad happens again. It wouldn’t be healthy, and you’d end up killing each other. Draco doesn’t need a babysitter. He needs his partner.”

“I know. I think I’m just nervous. For all having to be here in the hospital is awful, it’s also kind of nice to have no other pressures.”

___________________

“Come on, lets get you comfy in bed.” Harry said, once they’d stepped through the floo into the Manor. Blaise was back at the hospital gathering together their things and sorting out the bill and where the various donations needed to go to.

“ _Harry.”_ Draco had a hint of warning in his voice.

“The healer’s said you need to rest.” Harry insisted.

“That doesn’t mean I need to be tied to the bed and babied, Harry. I’m fine.”

“I just…”

“You’re allowed to worry Harry. I did something monumentally stupid and put myself in hospital for a week. If you weren’t worried, I think we’d have more of a problem. But like I said, I don’t need to go to bed.” 

Harry looked at Draco and saw the fierce determination in his eyes. He sighed. He knew Draco wasn’t going to cave on this however much Harry wanted to wrap his partner up with kid gloves.

“What do you want to do then?”

“Come sit on the sofa with me and watch a film.”

“I can do that.” Harry reluctantly agreed. “But I am getting you a blanket. And you’re lying down on the sofa.”

“You’re a git.” Draco had a warm smile on his face as he said this.

Harry let Draco choose what to watch and they ended up putting Pride and Prejudice on. It was one of Draco’s favourites, although Harry suspected that it was the scene with Colin Firth coming out of the lake that was a deciding factor in his enjoyment. Harry had to admit he quite liked that scene too.

“Don’t tell me you’re watching this.” Blaise said, leaning up against the door frame of the living room, obviously having just gotten back from the hospital. They’d just reached the end of the first episode and it was rolling into the second.

“I like it.” Draco pouted.

Blaise rolled his eyes. “I’m going to go do some work in the office. Come and get me when you’re done watching your trash.”

“It’s not trash. It’s an award-winning period drama.” Draco insisted.

“And it has that scene you like.” Blaise teased.

“That has nothing to do with it. Any way I’m ill and you should be treating me better than this. I shall not tolerate your teasing.”

“I thought you were fine.” Harry laughed at Draco’s antics.

“Yes… Well…” Draco stammered.

Harry kissed him on the forehead affectionately and started stroking Draco’s hair, effectively shutting him up. “Any chance you can get us some popcorn before you sit down and start work?” Harry asked Blaise.

“You’re not ill. Get it yourself you lazy prat.”

“I have been designated as a pillow.” Draco was lying so that his head rested on Harry’s lap.

“And he’s not moving. I’m very comfortable.” Draco rubbed his head against Harry’s thighs as he spoke his objection to Harry moving. It felt decidedly nice, although this absolutely wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. Not with Draco just home. The look Blaise gave him told Harry he knew exactly what had gone through his head in the last few seconds.

Blaise shook his head at the two of them. “Very well your highness. One bowl of popcorn coming up.”

Draco ended up falling asleep well before the lake scene, nestled in Harry’s lap with Harry lovingly carding his fingers through his soft blond hair. Harry turned the volume down on the TV so a not to disturb him. Blaise came in about an hour after Draco had nodded off.

“Need a hand there, love.” Blaise said on viewing the scene.

“My legs have gone to sleep.” Harry whispered. He didn’t want to wake Draco.

“Let me carry him to bed.”

Blaise walked over and gently lifted Draco, who made a few cooing noises before nuzzling into Blaise’s shoulder and settling back into a deep sleep. Harry stood and stretched, easing the stiffness in his muscles, and rubbing his thighs to get the circulation going. Then he yawned widely. 

“I’ll go to the kitchen and pour us a couple of glasses of wine.” Harry said as he followed Blaise out of the room.

“You are a treasure.” Blaise replied turning towards the bedroom with the sleeping Draco in his arms.

With Draco safely tucked in bed the two of them sat at the kitchen counter with a glass of red each. It had been a trying week and it felt wonderful to be able to just sit like this in their home, despite Harry’s reservations from the day before.

“You told him you quit your job yet?” Blaise asked, after taking a large mouthful.

“No.” Harry admitted. He’d been putting it off, telling himself that he would do it when they were home. Now they were home, he still didn’t want to do it.

“You need to. He’ll figure it out soon enough. Especially if you’re the one staying at home with him. It’s normally me that does that when he’s ill.”

“I know I do… I just…”

“You don’t want him to blame himself.” Sometimes Blaise understood Harry better than he did himself.

“No.”

“You know he will do that whenever you tell him.” Blaise shrugged.

“We almost lost him and we’ve just got him back home.” The memory of everything made Harry want to cry. He’d spent too much time crying in the last week. He didn’t want to cry again.

“The longer you wait, the worse it will be.”

Harry knew this. He absolutely knew this. He couldn’t protect Draco by keeping this from him forever. He would eventually find out and hate that Harry had kept it from him.

“Fuck.” Harry exclaimed.

Blaise got up off his stool, placing his wine down, and wrapped his arms around Harry. Harry did start crying then. The tears wouldn’t be held back. He hated that he was such a mess some of the time. And then felt guilty because Draco had it so much worse. None of it was fair. Not that his disaster of a head had meant he had to quit his job. Not Draco being ill. But then when had life ever been fair to Harry. His life had all gone wrong the moment his parents were murdered when he was 15 months old. He’d had the pressure of the whole world relying on him from the time he was eleven till he was 17. Blaise stroked soothing circles on his back. Harry worked hard to calm his thoughts. If none of the awful things that both he and Draco had gone through had never happened, he might never have ended up with the two men who he loved and cherished more than anything. He wouldn’t give them up for the world. He may have lacked love and affection when he was a child, but they more than made up for it now. Sure, he wished some things could be different, but those things weren’t necessary, and they certainly weren’t necessary right now. The important thing was that he had Draco and Blaise, and that they had him.

“I’ll tell him tomorrow.” Harry eventually managed to say.

“Good. Come on. You look like you need an early night too. And you know you feel better when you can see him. I can tell when you need him.”

“I know. You know it doesn’t mean I love you any less than him right. I mean… that sometimes I need him.”

“I know. And I know he doesn’t love me any less just because sometimes you’re the only one who can help him. It’s just the way it is. Besides, you two wouldn’t cope without me in this relationship.”

“That’s definitely true.” Harry gave a small smile.

“Come on you then. Bedtime. Or do you need me to carry you too.”

“I can walk.” This time Harry managed a proper smile.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay and then a relatively short chapter. I am finally settled in my new home so i can sit and write more easily now. I'm not quite happy with this chapter, but I got stuck for so long with everything thats been going on in my life that I decided just to go with it. The story moves forward a bit more after this.

Harry got two days reprieve from having to admit to Draco that he’d quit his job. Weekends truly were wonderful things on occasion. Blaise had been giving him very pointed looks the whole time though. Harry knew he’d have to face his fate and the consequences of his decision come Monday however, as Draco couldn’t fail to notice when Harry didn’t go into work when Blaise did. On Monday morning, Harry was woken up with a soft kiss to his forehead, and he felt his stomach sinking, knowing Blaise was going to tell him off for not having told Draco sooner. It wasn’t Blaise that woke him up though, it was Draco.

“Morning sleepyhead.” Draco said, as Harry opened his eyes. “Blaise left half an hour ago. You didn’t even stir when he said goodbye. It’s half eight though, and if you’re even going to make an attempt to get to work on time, you have to get out of bed now.”

Draco sounded so happy and Harry hated that he was potentially going to break this little bubble. He gathered his courage. It was time to confess.

“Urr…. About that. I’m… not going into work today.” Harry stammered out.

Draco looked down at Harry quizzically. As though extremely confused about what Harry had just said.

“Not… Harry, you don’t stay at home with me. Blaise stays with me. The Ministry doesn’t give you the time off. I was surprised when you were at the hospital so much. Pleased, but surprised. You can’t push it with your boss any more than that though. When Blaise left, I assumed I’d be by myself for the day. I have Tara coming at midday.”

“It’s great you’ve got Tara coming. But… I’m not going into work today.”

“Harry… you don’t need to baby me. I’m fine. Honestly.”

“I’m not babying you. I’m just…” He couldn’t avoid it. Not without lying through his teeth. And he didn’t lie to Draco when he could help it. “I quit my job, okay.” Harry admitted.

“You… When….”

“The first day after…” Harry trailed off. He wanted desperately to bury his head under the covers. He just about managed to avoid doing it, but he couldn’t look at Draco. He stared at the pattens on the duvet cover instead. He really should have told him sooner. Blaise was right, the waiting had only made it worse.

“Harry. Why in the hell did you do that?” Draco snapped at him.

Harry couldn’t help it, he looked back up at Draco. The expression on Draco’s face wasn’t quite the one he was expecting. He was expecting anger that he’d been keeping this a secret. Instead he was met with guilt radiating off his blonde lover. Harry knew he had fucked up. After all this time with him, he could almost see what Draco was thinking from his expression. He needed to do something to reassure Draco that this wasn’t all his fault. Before Draco started to spiral.

“It wasn’t because of you. I mean… I probably wouldn’t have done it that day otherwise… Crap… I’m saying this all wrong. I…”

“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” This time it was Draco who wasn’t looking at Harry. He was staring at his hands and playing with the cuffs of his shirt. As though longing to look at the long scar that now accompanied the many smaller ones scattered across his wrist.

“Draco… Please. That’s… That’s not it. I promise. I promise that’s not why. Or at least it’s not the only reason why. I just… I… Can we talk this through with Tara? I don’t know how to say the right words.” Harry grabbed Draco’s hand, wanting desperately for this to all be okay. 

“My Father’s dead.” The words seemingly came out of nowhere to Harry. “I… I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t have the right words. I got a letter from the Ministry. He’s dead.”

“Draco…”

“So find the sodding right words that makes this not my fault.” Draco sounded very angry.

“I love you.” Harry tried to soothe. Draco wasn’t buying it.

“I love you too. But that doesn’t make this not my fault; you giant git. You’ve kept this from me for more than a week and the only reason I can think of is that you did it because of what I did when I found out my bastard of a Father died in prison. It had nothing to do with you going back to work. It was all a horrible coincidence. Sure, it would probably have been better had the letter come when either you or Blaise were at home, but it could have been worse. A week later and no one would have been home to check on me until it was too late. A week later and you and Blaise wouldn’t have been so sodding paranoid and overprotective of me that Blaise came to check on me at Lunch.”

“Draco.” Harry tried to wrap his arms around the other man, but Draco shook him off.

“Not till you explain, Potter.”

Harry closed his eyes. He wanted to cry. Draco was already hurting, and he was just making things worse. Yes, part of the reason for him quitting his job had been because of Draco, but that was only a small fraction of it, dictating the timing but not the reasons. Draco had been brave enough to spill the secret he’d been holding onto since that day. He deserved no less from Harry. So Harry spilled. He told Draco about how bad his flashbacks had gotten at work. How Tara had told him more than once that he wasn’t fit to work in the field. How he’d ignored her because he was scared to leave. So scared not to be the person the public and his friends expected him to be.

“Say something, Draco.” Harry said, when he finally finished.

“It wasn’t because of me?” Draco’s voice was flat. Harry wanted the smiles back. The ones he’d woken up to.

“No. It was because of me. You just made me realise I couldn’t keep doing it to myself any longer. I… Please don’t take this the wrong way, okay… But I just knew that next time it happened, it wasn’t going to be me that was hurt, or at least not just me. And you getting hurt when I went back, and the flashback I only just managed to hold at bay long enough to get you somewhere safe, just proved it to me. I managed it because it was you. Only because it was you. And maybe the fact that I thought you were hurt because I went to work played a part in the decision to quit, but it doesn’t change the fact it was the right thing to do. Blaise told me he didn’t know what you would do if one day I never came home from work. I can’t put him or you through that. And with the way things are, that was going to be an inevitability. That or being fired because I got someone else hurt or killed.”

“Okay.”

“Only okay.”

“Yes. Only okay. I’m not happy that you kept this from me. Not just the quitting work but that the reason you’ve nearly died so many times recently is because you decided that you knew better than our mind healer. But okay. I can accept what you said. I’m still angry though.”

“Can we talk it over with Tara together?”

“Yes. I kind of wanted to talk to her about how I was going to tell you and Blaise about my father, but that cat’s out of the bag.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Harry almost through back at Draco that he’d kept his father’s death from them for more than a week but held his tongue. “What happened?”

“Azkaban.”

“No other information?”

“Nope. Just that he’s dead. I have till the end of the week to tell them what arrangements I want for his body.”

“And that’s what triggered…?”

“I tried to write to mother. The Ministry said that its my responsibility to tell her. And I thought about the fact that I’d never see Father again and how I was keeping mother out of my life. And I foolishly opened one of her letters, thinking it would be fine, and started reading… I just couldn’t cope anymore. It was all too much.”

Harry pulled Draco into his arms. This time Draco didn’t resist and accepted the comfort.

“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?” Harry murmured into Draco’s hair.

“Blaise is the only sensible one of the three of us.”

Harry sighed and pulled back, shuffling to the edge of the bed so he could stand up.

“Come on then, you. Enough of this for the moment. We can talk all of this over with Tara properly when she gets here. She can chastise us for being ridiculous and then when he gets home Blaise can repeat the sentiments. The least we can do is provide them with something nice to eat so that we can hopefully stave off the worst of it.”

“Jam tarts?” Draco asked with a grin and accepted Harry’s hand to haul him off the bed.

“Do we have any jam?” Harry stuck his tongue out at Draco. Glad that conversation was over for the time being. That Draco had snapped back to being playful so quickly.

“What do you take me for? We can make some more.”

“Draco there are a dozen jars in the cupboard already. We don’t know enough people to give the amount you make away to.”

Draco looked solemn then, and Harry regretted his words.

“Fine, you ridiculous man. We can make some more sodding jam. We can send a few jars to the hospital. I’m sure the staff that looked after you would appreciate it.”

If baking and making jam made Draco happy, then Harry would gladly have all of their cupboards filled with the stuff.

__________________________

Blaise was running late. He’d had so much time out of the office in the last couple of months that everyone seemed to need something from him today. He knew how much Draco hated it when either him or Harry were back late from work. Not that that was going to happen with Harry any time soon. He hoped that Harry had told Draco today about his quitting work. The longer he put it off the worse it would be. The one thing Draco hated more than anything was being kept in the dark. Rushing through Grimmauld, and only just remembering he needed to grab the shopping the elves had done for them, he flooed back home. The sight that greeted him was surprising. It made his heart fill up with happiness, and then worry. Draco and Harry were dancing together in the kitchen, looking at each other with delight and love. He just knew Harry hadn’t told Draco. There was no way he would be coming home to this if he had. Draco noticed him first.

“Blaise!” Draco exclaimed, releasing himself from Harry’s embrace and rushing to throw his arms around him.

“Hello love. Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay. Harry has been distracting me pretty well. And I had a good session with Tara earlier.”

Blaise looked over at Harry and glared slightly.

“Hey, no need for that look.” Harry said in response.

“Isn’t there?”

“No. It’s all good. We talked this morning. And then with Tara.” Harry answered.

Draco prodded Blaise’s side.

“I don’t like you keeping secrets. You should have made him tell me sooner.”

“I’m sorry. It was his secret to tell.”

“I know.”

“Draco… don’t you have your own secret to tell Blaise too.” Harry chastised lightly.

“Draco...?” Blaise looked down at his blonde partner.

“I… it’s…” Draco looked lost and seemed to be unable to form the words. Blaise was instantly thrown into deep concern. “Harry can you say for me.” Draco eventually said, giving up on trying to spit out whatever it was that was troubling him.

“You managed to tell me.”

“Yeah, well I was angry at you at the time. Still am a little.”

“Still Love me though.”

“Of course I do you prat.”

“You two, stop it. I’m getting worried. What’s the matter?”

“Draco got a letter from the Ministry last week.” 

Blaise let in a short gasp and squeezed Draco into him. He was not going to let the Ministry take Draco away from him and Harry. Draco had complied with all of their conditions. His parole and house arrest had been over for a year. There was no reason for them to start interfering.

“It’s not that. You don’t need to worry about that.” Harry soothed, coming over and wrapping his arms around the two of them.

“What is it then?”

“Lucius died. We need to sort out what we’re going to do about a funeral. And Draco wants you to write to his mother.”

“Oh… oh Draco, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s… Its okay.” Draco sounded like he was trying to hold back tears. “I mean. I knew it was inevitable. And it wasn’t like I was ever going to see him again.”

“He was still your father.”

“He stopped being the father I loved sometime around 4th year. I mean. I know he was an awful person, but before that, he was an amazing father, at least to me. Probably didn’t help that I turned into this crazy mess around the same time as the Dark Lord started returning.”

“You’re not a crazy mess, Draco.” Harry pressed a kiss to Draco’s forehead.

“I am. I don’t mind so much now. But come on… I stayed awake for three days straight making those badges during the tournament. No sane person would do that.” 

“You always were obsessed with me.”

“Like you can talk. Sixth year stalking ring any bells.”

“You two were both pretty ridiculous at school. It worked out though, didn’t it?” Blaise rolled his eyes at the ridiculous flirting the two of them were doing.

“Yeah, it did.” Harry said softly.

“So we have to organise the funeral?”

“Actually, you have to organise the funeral. I can’t, unless we want the world to know about how close I am to Draco. And this one…” Harry rumpled Draco’s hair, earning a scowl. “We talked about it with Tara. Draco decided he shouldn’t be the one trying to make decisions about this.”

“Are you sure, Love?”

“It’s going to be hard enough to go to the funeral. And… thinking about the whole thing, and mother and… it doesn’t exactly do wonders for my state of mind.”

“Are you going to be okay with your mother coming to the funeral?”

“No. But it wouldn’t be fair to stop her just because even thinking about her is enough to make my head start spinning unpleasantly. I suppose it’s a good thing Harry isn’t at work.”

“You don’t need me to babysit you, Love.”

“No, but I do need you to be there for me. And I know that I’m not going to be the easiest person to be around until all this is sorted. My only requests for the funeral, is that he’s buried at the small church in the village. It’s where the rest of the family are. Also, I don’t want anyone there who isn’t family. Other than that, I don’t want to know.”

Blaise could manage this. It was going to take some interestingly large bribes and threats from their solicitors to keep it private, but he could manage. “I’ll get it sorted.”

“Thank you.” Draco replied with a small smile. 

“Okay. Happier topics. Dinner?” Harry said.

“Sure. I’m starved. What do we have?”

“About two vats of blackcurrant and elderflower Jam. The sloe gin should be mature now too, so we can have that as well.”

“We’re not eating jam for dinner.” Blaise chuckled.

“We have to do something with it. Draco went a bit mad today.”

“You helped. And it isn’t two vats. There’s only about a dozen jars. Plus I’ve already made a jam roly-poly with one of the jars.”

“I have no idea what has gotten into the two of you today. I came home expecting the worst and I get this mood from both of you. How about I pop out and get fish and chips? We can have gin and Jam roly-poly for dessert.”

_________________________

Harry knew a late night bathroom talk was inevitable. Draco was sound asleep, but he’d been lying awake since they’d gone to bed. They’d indulged a bit too much I the gin and he was feeling a little drunk. Blaise was still up, sitting in his study trying to work out exactly what they needed to do for Lucius’ funeral. He disentangled himself from Draco and headed to Blaise’s study. Blaise was scowling down at the paperwork the Ministry had sent, that Draco had been hiding from them. Harry came up behind him and laid his head on Blaise’s shoulder. Blaise tilted his head to kiss Harry lightly.

“Bathroom talk time?” Blaise asked. It didn’t matter that they weren’t in the bathroom. It was the middle of the night and Draco was asleep; all talks were bathroom talks.

“He’s out for the count.”

“How did he take the news about you quitting your job?”

“He shouted at me for a while, told me about Lucius, then shouted some more. I don’t think it was the quitting that was the problem so much as the reasons why I quit.”

“Well I’m not exactly happy that you kept the fact that you were having flashbacks at work to yourself.”

“We talked it over with Tara. She’s coming Wednesday and Friday too.”

“Good. And how is he really about Lucius?”

“Not great. I think the main problem though is seeing Narcissa again. He… He knows she loves him, but she doesn’t cope with his illness well, which sets him off. He tried to read one of the unopened letters that day.”

“He’s an idiot sometimes.”

“Yes. At least his meds seem to be working well though. Whatever adjustment Tara made whilst he was in the hospital has been a godsend today. He hasn’t even needed any of his extra calming draughts.”

That was surprising. Although it hadn’t been very long on the new regime, so they couldn’t count their chickens yet.

“So did you talk to Tara about what you’re going to do about your flashbacks, and what to do with your time now you’re not an Auror.”

“I think that’s planned for Wednesday.”

“You know you can’t just stay at home with Draco permanently. It’s bad enough that he doesn’t leave this place. I’m not having the two of you hauled up here.”

“I know. I just don’t know what I want to do. Something low stress. Maybe something Draco can help with, even if he does it from home.”

“You need to ask him how he feels about that.”

“I want to try and get him to leave the Manor. Before the funeral. Something fun. Nothing to do with finding me something to do for work. I just… I don’t want him to attach leaving this place with traumatic memories. It’s been more than a year since we last tried.”

“Are you sure this is really the right time?”

“He wants to go to the funeral. Going to the hospital didn’t really count as him leaving as he was unconscious. I don’t want a repeat of the last time we tried to leave on the morning he buries his Father. It’s going to be distressing enough as it is.”

“Again, you need to talk to him about it. Actually, I think that’s a conversation we should have as the three of us.”

“Okay. Tara’s coming at 3pm on Friday. Think you can be home then so we can do it with her there as well?”

“I’ll ask.”

“Thanks. I’m going to Andi’s tomorrow for Lunch by the way. And Wednesday I promised I’d have dinner with Ron and Hermione. Is that going to be okay?”

“Of course. Does he want me to pop in whilst you’re at Lunch?”

“He say’s he’ll be fine. Bed now?”

“I need to sort this.”

“It can wait. The only thing you really need to sort by Friday is finding a funeral home that will take care of the body who won’t go to the press. I can search for a selection for you to check out. You need some sleep.”

Blaise let Harry drag him out of his office and to the bedroom. Harry crawled into bed and wrapped himself back around Draco whilst Blaise was in the bathroom cleaning his teeth. Draco whimpered a few times but didn’t wake up. Harry stroked his back to soothe him back into a deep sleep. He felt the mattress sink slightly as Blaise got in behind him. He turned his head to accept the mint flavoured kiss. Blaise pulled him onto his chest. They fell asleep quickly, Harry using Blaise as a pillow with Draco clasping one of his hands.


End file.
